Hi Laura,
You’re very good at creating a palpable scene. Very descriptive and evocative. Perhaps try better verbs and more accurate nouns. “ran-slid” isn’t a word; “a large beached mammal” is very generic. I did enjoy “barnacled flipper” and “straining surf”.
Thanks for sharing.
Pat
Thanks for your feedback Patrick. You’re right, I couldn’t think of a better way to say that she was running, but sliding at the same time down the hill. I’ll work on my descriptive words. Much appreciated!
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I really enjoyed this. Very evocative.
Hi Laura,
You’re very good at creating a palpable scene. Very descriptive and evocative. Perhaps try better verbs and more accurate nouns. “ran-slid” isn’t a word; “a large beached mammal” is very generic. I did enjoy “barnacled flipper” and “straining surf”.
Thanks for sharing.
Pat
Thanks for your feedback Patrick. You’re right, I couldn’t think of a better way to say that she was running, but sliding at the same time down the hill. I’ll work on my descriptive words. Much appreciated!