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  • Good call out! I suppose I’ll let those commenting on my stories let me know whether the quality is getting better, as it’s a difficult (qualitative) thing to self-measure. Over the past year, with the 12 short stories, I learned so much from the feedback and was able to apply reader feedback to each new story (less passive voice! better use of…[Read more]

  • The scenes and dialog make me want more! This is a nice genre for you. Well done.

  • I love your use of dialog. I found the story a bit confusing in the middle as if something wasn’t made clear (was she being encourage to move to a home?) In any case, your descriptions are lovely. Do keep writing.

  • Clever story that pulled me in from the beginning and landed at knowing place! My favorite line was: He burst into the room preceded by a cloud of aftershave. 

  • OOH, good story with a plot twist at the end. I didn’t see that coming! Well written. Keep it up!

  • Thanks for the intelligent and playful read! My favorite line was…

    There weren’t many who could survive murder through multiple decapitations and forgive those who committed the act, but that’s where she was in this stage of life.

    

  • What a fun story at Christmas. I can feel myself there with the main character. Smiling.

  • Clever and playful! I was mildly distracted at the start by the use of passive voice to describe the main character doing her chores, but kept with it and loved the ending.

  • Very cute story that had me hooked from the start.

  • Thank you Jackie! I appreciated you reading my story. Merry Christmas!

  • Thank you Alexis! I appreciate you reading my story. I think I write more for personal ‘therapy’ than anything else. Cheers.

  • Hi Matt. Thank you for your feedback which alerted me to the fact that fiction may not be my thing as I would have trouble changing a story that’s true. I appreciate your other feedback on using words that show not tell, as well. Cheers. Laura

  • Thank you for your feedback and suggested edits. We all need a proofreader! Merry Christmas.

  • RV Life and Death by Laura

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    Tiny US flags wave stiffly, their little flag poles jammed between the beams of the campground pavilion. The dogs alert to the motion of a frisky grey squirrel flicking its tail as […]

    • Beautiful story. Condolences for the loss of your father. It is clear that you are in the process of moving through all that has happened, lots of hurt and pain. The one shining light that you got to spend the last 3 months with him, in the end all that didn’t work or go as planned is nulled by this simple outcome. He knew he was loved.
      A small typo in this sentence ‘And she didn’t any of his personal items, or us.’
      May you continue to heal and enjoy the RV.

      • Thank you for your feedback and suggested edits. We all need a proofreader! Merry Christmas.

    • It takes a lot of pain and honesty to tell this story. You have clearly gone through a lot this year. I won’t take that away from you. This is a journal entry that I am sure thousands of Americans can empathize with.
      I feel the pain in your story, which you did an excellent job of conveying. But, there has to be a disconnect between fiction and based-on-a-true-story. This is obviously a true story. None of us want to take that away from you. If you want to make this incredible tale into a story, you can’t be “married” to the truth. There has to be details that push your story along. You already literally have the “vehicle” to do it with your RV.
      Consider taking this from first person to third person, or at least a disconnected first person. You are too emotionally invested in this story to make it a “story”.
      Also, your tags tell, they don’t show. You can let the reader know the emotional state of the speaker without using tags like offered, reasoned, berated, huffed, agreed, etc.
      You have the bones of a great story, but you have to take your brain out of it and give it some guts. Good luck!

      • Hi Matt. Thank you for your feedback which alerted me to the fact that fiction may not be my thing as I would have trouble changing a story that’s true. I appreciate your other feedback on using words that show not tell, as well. Cheers. Laura

    • Hi
      This is such a touching tribute to your father and to your soul’s journey towards healing from grief. I am better for having read this piece. Thank you!

      • Thank you Alexis! I appreciate you reading my story. I think I write more for personal ‘therapy’ than anything else. Cheers.

    • The sentence were you talk about his personal items need the word want. I loved it with all it’s emotions that overflow from your writing.

  • What an entertaining little story with fun dialog. You’re a pro.

  • I love both your characters, the compliant uber driver being disrespected by a “me-society” customer. I love how he gets her, by taking her to a place she’ll probably like and proving her wrong at the same time. You set up the scene well. Terrific! Forget about the typos. Someone else can proof your work once you’re ready to publish. Keep writing.

  • I was drawn in from the start. And I love you how played the prompt without ever using it directly. Well done. You’re a writer.

  • Cool story! A big secret being revealed. You did a good job using dialog between two friends to unveil the story of what’s happening in Area 52. In a few places, I was confused by misspelled words (but no worries, most of us need editors, ha ha). Here are some suggestions.

    Did you mean “him” or “me”? in the passage, “He looked like he really…[Read more]

  • Hi Thomas. I liked the story ending and how it came to be she was observing him. I found your storyline believable, his memory of her, his inability to recall her name. You might consider culling out the extra filler words like “that, such, just, but.” Consider:

    ‘Hi Gerry’ she had said, but I had no idea who she was, but I wanted to know her…[Read more]

  • Hi Hanzo!
    Thank you for your support. Ga and Ev started out side-by-side as light energy, peer scientists each taking a different role (one as the ship, one as a humanoid). My first draft was 1500 words, so I had to cut out a lot. Thanks for your kind feedback. Laura

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Laura

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@pearlflipper

Active 3 days, 2 hours ago
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