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  • I started off not liking Phil and then felt sympathy for him and by the end I loved him. That is an amazing feat in 500 words.

  • All solid feedback. Thanks.

  • I love folklore! I can’t wait to see what will happen next!

  • KB wrote a new post, A March Hope by KB 7 months ago

    The day before the rescue turned into a recovery and hard-eyed men turned into children in the arms of their loved ones, an anxious kind of hope spread throughout the small seaside town.  Mother and son had […]

    • Hey KB, and how goes it? This was a tough read but beautifully written. Kudos. The opening paragraph is great, and in spite of the second sentence running slightly overlong, it set up the story perfectly. I wasn’t sure about the end of sentence “..two sets of footprints took off into the snow,” though. If the two were lost two days ago, and on a day that “..made winter look like it would never end..” wouldn’t the footprints have been covered up by now? Plus, “took off” feels a bit active for the circumstance, I’d have thought that if the footprints did survive, they would be “two sets of footprints took petered off down the trail…” or something like that. As always, I hope these comments help and no worries if you ignore all or some of them. Also, you are right. The story is short and it leaves the reader with a lot of questions. But the writing is really moving. Well done and very best regards, Seyi

    • Alarming and dark, which is a guilty pleasure. I will pay for it in my dreams. Your opening paragraph is perfect. Your representation of judging is bang on. We all do it with such ease.

  • That was a rollercoaster! Nice.

  • Well, that’s terrifying. I’m impressed by how much you packed into such a short space.

  • LET ME OUT! Very cool. I wonder if you could teach an octopus morse code. They have great hearing and 9 brains. I like it, it kind of reminds me a bit of the Rat of NIMH.

  • KBHstories and Profile picture of KBKB are now friends 7 months, 1 week ago

  • Shatter cones are the only macroscopic feature considered as evidence for shock metamorphism – J. Wilk and T. Kenkmann

    The shockwaves rippled through her brain as his words crashed through the layers of her b […]

  • KB commented on the post, Mochi by Jane 7 months, 1 week ago

    That is a stuffed animal, sir! But as someone with a little brown dog of my own, they do have a particular way of snuggling their way into your heart.

  • I need so much more of this. Its a gorgeous character study, and I need to get to know these characters better.

  • This is both cute and horrifying. I don’t envy either of these people and their lifetime of suburban bliss. You made me feel a whole lot of things with this one. Well done!

  • Thanks, yeah. There are a good number of typos in there.

  • The probability of Ophrys sphegodes emerging above ground in any year declines significantly as life-span increases. – Michael J. Hutchings

     

    The day Howard Kettleburn was laid to rest dawned bright and dewy wi […]

    • Amazing — love the ending (although I was hoping it was the spiders, but then that would not mesh with the prompt!) One thing to check did you mean to say “newly discovered species BORE his name”.

      • Thanks, yeah. There are a good number of typos in there.

      • Same… I wanted spiders to erupt from his forehead…!
        Very vivid imagery, and what an apt way to die for the poor man. I am looking up spider orchids as we speak. Amazing things.

    • Nice use of description here… winter’s bite, the less ghoulish look of the late Dr Kettleburn. You had all the makings of a pretty good horror scene, right up until the very end. A good twist with the orchids, not the spiders, erupting.

    • I love everything about this story! It is dark, it is macabre and strangely funny! Also sad. And scary, come to think of it. It feels like it could be the beginning of something bigger…

    • What an interesting read. I really enjoyed it:) I did think perhaps spiders were going to burst out of him and kill everyone LOL. Glad it was the orchids, seemed quite fitting.

    • KB fabulous read. Found a photo of a spider orchid and looks very much like Arachne. Interesting take on the prompt.

  • Plague flowers! I love it. Here’s a piece of random trivia for you. Many orchids have a symbiotic relationship with a wide range of mycorrhiza fungus.

  • Well, this is intriguing. I hope to see more of this in the coming days. There is so much going on!

  • This is a very emotional piece and it has some really beautiful lines. drops of blood on some tiny shards and a large pointed piece, a weapon is great imagery. If you wanted to there are a few points that you could expand this a little bit. I would love to see what you mean when you say innocence, promise, and naivety instead of just reading…[Read more]

  • This is a really intense memory and it lends itself really well to poem form. I think this poem really starts with “I crawl out the window” and ends with “I receive no applause”. Your feelings and the picture you are painting are well encompassed between those lines and the rest kind of undercuts the ‘oomph’ of what you are trying to convey. I…[Read more]

  • After the fire

    grandma’s house,

    with its glass eggs

    cat knick-knacks

    and ancient china,

    was pushed into the sea

    by a yellow bulldozer

    with no sympathy

    for memory

    or the smell of mothballs

    and h […]

    • I love your repeated images. How you carried the house into the second stanza and then carried the redheaded girls into the third stanza. I could see the broken parts of Grandma’s house after the fire and how no one really cared for those memories but her. Really nice imagery, and the scent memories of moth balls and hand-rolled cigarettes was a nice touch.

    • I think that this is less of a hot mess than you think. I like the story that it tells and the repetition that you use. You tug on the heart strings with the idea of no one caring about poor old grandma.

      The short lines give a good rhythm to the piece along with the repeating. The only thing I didn’t understand was

      creosote cracks
      in ancient china.

      I know what creosote is but don’t relate it to china. Good alliteration by the way.
      Good job on using the senses with the mothballs and hand-rolled cigarettes.

      Well done and thanks for sharing.

    • What is a fire if not a hot mess. This poem has legs. Sit with it, let it simmer, and go back to it. I think it’s lovely. The repetition works. The images are strong, with the smells of mothballs and cigarettes, the fragility of life – the delicate China and the broken glass and the bird nests- and the emotions clear. Read it out loud. Again and again. Surprising what a small tweak can accomplish.

    • May all my hot messes be this moving. This poem is full of evocative imagery — the sea, the broken remnants of the house, the girls in their oblivious playing — and it doesn’t overstay its welcome. It’s well crafted, and pulls at so many heartstrings. Well done. Go and produce more hot messes. 🙂

    • Sad for loss of grandma’s house – great writing!

    • I love the looping pattern of lines and your use of color to bring your images alive. The yellow bulldozer, red-headed girls, blue home. No sympathy for memory… great line.

    • Amazing. The visual of the delicate broken things alongside the bulldozer is powerful. Love the red headed girls, and the repetition brings the reader into the powerful story.

    • I loved the repetition of this poem that had such a circular feeling to it, with grandma’s house coming back home, only to be swept out to sea again. Beautiful.

    • It seems your note of it being a”hot mess” perfectly describes this sad tale. Strong images.

  • From the opening paragraph all the way to the end I spent the entire time saying “nooooooooo.” But in the best possible way. Your descriptions are shudder-inducing and I will be checking my hair for creepy-crawlies for the rest of the day. I love how you played with some tropes in this. The fact that she wasn’t overcome with compassion for…[Read more]

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@whimsicalweasel

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