• Thanks for your time to read. The MC has given up on the uncontrollable, as many of us are in today’s Corona times. A reflection of the desperation in my mind, perhaps!

  • Thanks Becky! It’s nice for a writer and sad as a co-citizen of the planet that maladies of our work life has become so global. Hope to connect more with you and your ideas

  • It’s a narrative of complex emotions. Towards the end, I was one with the girl and felt like beating up the man. We know of many such men and hence, the story is completely relatable.
    A few points on the narrative as a constructive critique, hope you don’t mind. The family, however, seems too gullible. It seems they had reasons of finance to…[Read more]

  • Hey! My story is on remote meetings as well and I am excited to find yours! Playing with cat, reading a book are like little guilt pleasures in the middle of a work meeting. I like the mood and ambiance. It’s real and that’s what makes the story riveting. Good work!

  • Agony of a modern couple over unplanned pregnancy is captured well. The sentences take the story forward and reading is breezy. Conflict between being boring, read planned, and sporadic, read disastrous, is captured quite well. Just that the end seems incomplete. Nice work, Kali.

  • The comments above make it clear that your story has touched many a hearts. Reason I guess is its realism. Struggles in this world to keep up with the body images and ‘healthy’ lifestyle that are peddled so hard. Letting one’s hair loose is a rare occasion and to be appreciated for that is rarer. Nice touch towards the end. I liked the pace as…[Read more]

  • Pace is nice and setting is realistic. Words like ‘umpteenth’ etc and the conflict between ‘head’ and ‘heart’ makes the piece around the cliche zone. A simpler narrative will make it even more interesting, as the experience of a teacher is quite authentic in this piece. Good work! I like sweet stories which end well.

  • The racist and sexist slur towards the end takes the story to a new dimension. Cliffhanger in the last sentence is interesting. In the beginning, a couple of dialogues more and some edit will make the whole piece more dynamic. I liked the realism. Thanks

  • Two disclaimers and a warning

    All characters in this story, including me, are real. I had to put masks on them only due to the mandatory regulations of fiction and the fear of getting beaten up when I meet them […]

    • Loved it! Haaa great minds think alike they say, regarding the use of the prompt. Your story was funny too, and we both adopted a stream of consciousness approach, although I’ll admit yours sounds more sophisticated.. I really liked the tone of your piece. Well done!

      • Thanks Becky! It’s nice for a writer and sad as a co-citizen of the planet that maladies of our work life has become so global. Hope to connect more with you and your ideas

    • So amusing. I like how the main character is going what he wants anyway, since he seems to have little control on the optimisation project. Very descriptive and relatable story

      • Thanks for your time to read. The MC has given up on the uncontrollable, as many of us are in today’s Corona times. A reflection of the desperation in my mind, perhaps!

    • This piece drips sarcasm, Tapan! I know some corporate type cynics who match your descriptions to a T. I loved the way you drew comparisons to the MC’s bravado 😉 Very relevant ideas you’ve taken on in these trying times. Thank you!

    • Oh well done. I live the set up here but mostly I love the voice, the tone of it, and the rhythm. Fabulous job.

      • Thanks for your observation Nina. I struggle in keeping sarcasm concealed in my voice in real life, though! Hasn’t fared well for me in work life

    • Whether sarcasm works well in your work life it certainly adds zing to this piece. Loved the voice and the cynicism here.
      The piece has a great edge to it and is sharp and snappy. Beautifully done. You make me jealous! Your writing on this piece really packs a punch. And funny too- a great combination.

    • Hi Tapan! I was right with you in that meeting. I have no connection to the corporate world, but I do online work occasionally and I have to admit that I sometimes play games while pretending to listen to a client (I shouldn’t have told you that 😉 ) Fun read!

    • Hi Tapan,
      Though I appreciate your warnings, I found the sarcastic tone too hard-edged for me to fully embrace the 1st-person POV. I’ll just mention a few little things that need your attention.

      There is one moment in the 3rd paragraph where you slip into 2nd-person POV: “Optimization, you know from your experience…” A repetition of wording later on: “He is testing his libido as a test case…” I don’t know what “The wax may melt” means, but I can guess from the context that it’s a reference to undoing a sealed fate. And in the last paragraph, I’m not sure one can discern cacophony without hearing it: “I muted again. Cacophony continues…” These are easy fixes in revision.

      The turn in your story — where the narrator exclaims, “Oye Shabash!” on the virtual work meeting when reacting to the web series on the other screen — is hilarious.

      Thank you for sharing your writing. EMScott

    • Thanks for your observations

  • After shaving off his beard, Salamat looked much less of an adult that he already was, four years back, in legal terms of Bangladesh. From there, he had trickled through the India border at twenty and precipitated […]

    • Another interesting slice of life, Tapan. I always enjoy reading your stories, because they are full of unfamiliar (to me) settings and cultures, and it really transports me out of my own world for the time you share with me.

      I will admit to feeling like i needed my own translator through much of the story, however, as so many words and references were unfamiliar, but this did not detract from the story, except slowed the overall flow. Others from your culture who are familiar with these things would likely not feel this way.

      I loved the way you handled the tension/crisis Salamat felt for his religious sins, this was very well handled and added depth to the story which I enjoyed very much.

      Well done!

    • well written, adapted setting amid culture and religion, reality depicted with skill and dialogue presented effectively

  • Dear friends, your responses prompted me to write a sequel to the last month’s story. See if you can show it some love.

  • Not my genre, but I enjoyed the premise and the fact that what you draw gets life are quite interesting. Writing is matured and story moves at a pace desirable for such fantasy. End, of course, was how a short story should end.

  • Such non-human viewpoints are always difficult to pull through and you have done a marvelous job here! Cheers for that! There are some similes that stand out as unique and giggle-provoking. I liked reading this story.

  • Premise is well done. Narrative moves slow, perhaps it is a loner piece of which you have just put a part here. Good effort. Please use graphical scenes and dialogues more. Thanks for sharing

  • The story transported me to a quiet little neighborhood eatery and I lazed there. IT took me to the swamp, and I was a little confused first about the lady who wanted to swim in the swamp, was delighted that it turned out to be a bird, or a dolphin? I couldn’t confirm. The story did things to me that good tales do, transport and talk the language…[Read more]

  • Thanks for your reading and love, everyone! I look around and capture what I observe. Glad that you liked it.

  • Reading your work is a unique experience. Setting and premise is rivetting. Of course, unusual characters. Just that so many of them within 1000 words made me read twice or thrice some points. Then this is a part of a larger piece. Shall look forward to that – thanks for sharing

  • Your story is already well commented. Being a part of a larger oiece, I could see the tension building. Professional writing with an intriguing plot is all it takes to write a page turner. Something I would like to learn 🙂 thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this fast paced, new age thriller

  • Nice and unique setup for the story. Two interesting characters. Well paced story! Just two points: more dialogues to show and less tell. Names and details of the students was much to handle, let them be anonymous. The words and context may please be used for more dynamics between the two lonely and interesting people.

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Tapan Mozumdar

Profile picture of Tapan Mozumdar

@tapanmozumdargmail-com

Active 2 months, 1 week ago
Short Story balance: 1
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