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  • A morning breeze ruffled the new green leaves, and the entire neighborhood simmered in spring bliss. I adjusted my wide-brimmed gardening hat and stifled the urge to set fire to the charming windmill in the center […]

    • Hi Sorchia,
      I liked this. I felt reading this that I could see a TV series of these dear women going on adventures together. It made me smile and is still doing so. I don’t think you should feel lukewarm about it at all. I loved the way it went from mundane daily jobs (the rose bushes made me smile) to ‘action person’ stuff. Thank you for a lovely early evening read.

    • Hi there, These women want to have “fun” again, have the excitement of their old lives back. As written, each is already distinctive which is good. The overall premise of three older, unnoticeable women stepping back into a life where that once was and will be again an asset, rather than boring, as the world sees them, inserts from the beginning good energy and pricks our curiosity to know more about what they’re up to now, and who they were before. I agree with Maria that this could feel like a TV series. I didn’t understand where Molly and Marguerite lived–just a normal neighborhood? I was stumped by why there would be equipment buried, or what kind of equipment it was. And I wanted to know how Molly recognized a square envelope with no postmark or return address for what it was before she opened it. I loved that The Company was right there again, right away. That alone tells me they’re the real deal. If you feel lukewarm I would suggest that as you explore this further, add details, and unearth the story that’s here, that “meh” feeling will be replaced with excitement. Have fun with it! You already are, and this reader wants to know more.

    • Seyi replied 2 months ago

      Hey Sorcha and howzit? This is very different from you but feels like you’ve been writing this spy-action-drama stuff forever. I really liked how you changed gears and laughed out loud at the line ‘That explains why they keep dying.‘ The dialogue is great, the characters feel very real and it’s you have many laugh lines that also have an underlying tension. Well done with this piece, I absolutely loved it. Regards, Seyi

  • A good chapter. You’ve moved the story forward, unveiling bits and pieces as you go. If an alien ever wants to give me a translator, I’m going to ask some very specific questions after reading this. In Hitchhiker’s Guide, you just had to swallow a fish but Andy’s experience seems much worse. Enjoyable read!

  • Beautifully done! Nicely organized and neatly tied up. Such moving images. You’ve succinctly summed up the relationship and it’s ending. I love this story! Very well done, indeed.

  • Hmm. A private hospital and the word safe may not go together considering this woman’s situation and past. Nice job of dealing out the details slowly. I sympathize with the mc and I want to know more about her, but I have a feeling she may not be pristine–an unreliable narrator. Brutal and disturbing at times, but a good read. Nice job.

  • Fun story. I used to work at a place next door to a beauty salon. We saw many young women with their heads wrapped in wet towels dash frantically into that shop. At least this permanent wasn’t permanent. Good characters and nice job of increasing the concern for poor Westley.

  • Oh, this is fun! Of course the first person to meet is blind–so did the invisibility work or not. Sounds like surprises in store !! Loved it.

  • I tapped the pill bottle absently on the table as I watched the old woman eat. She’d already taken her daily dose, though she might not remember. I could put an extra pill on her plate. She might take it without q […]

    • Loved this. As I was reading, my screen cut off the last line so I thought ‘Don’t do it until after Christmas’ was the end – which I thought was great. And then I found the real last line and it was even better. Congratulations. [You might want to edit in your missing word in this sentence though… I might her a quick shove.] Teensy thing, easily fixed.

    • Hi. You easily grabbed my attention and threw everything I thought I knew about how it would end out with the last two sentences. Well done and thank you for sharing!

    • Relationships, a peek beneath the trappings. You had me guessing, that leads to more reading. Great technique.

    • Chilling. The use of understatement while imagining potential ways to murder is very effective. Then finding out at the end that they are mother and daughter, and that they both are in on what may be in the offing but are still at emotional odds so late in their shared lives–all of it works quite well. I really enjoyed this story.

  • Eerie and disturbing, for sure. But you lead us along with the MC, showing us how this change is inevitable–though by no means is this predictable. Very satisfying and scary.

  • This is a lot of fun! The dialogue is snappy and I like Greg just as much as always. The possibilities are endless with this guy. I would also argue that being a matador alone should get Jorge sent to hell, but maybe that’s just me. Typos, yes–but nothing you can’t fix. I’ll offer the old trick of reading the piece backwards, one sentence at a…[Read more]

  • Hi, Maria! You’ve done a fine job of describing and bringing the aliens to life–making them different but not too different. I like Andy’s reactions and his inner dialogue, as well. I’m ok with referring to them as ‘it’ until the gender is make clear. Even Andy notes he can’t tell which is which so until further explanation is provided, “it”…[Read more]

  • Blood soaked through the pristine white snow. A lot of blood. Enough blood to bathe a horse. The open door of Bert’s car showed even more blood inside. Spiky blood-cicles hung from the door frame into the frozen p […]

    • Hi Sorchia,
      This was a great story. It read like an American crime film, even with accents! There were a couple of spelling errors but nothing to detract from the story (one was pool que – should be cue) . I liked the twists and turns. Just a bit puzzled when we started out with Judith and ended with Judy, but I’m assuming the latter is a pet name. Thanks for a great read.

    • Wow, Sorchia. Written like someone brought up on a diet of Dashiel Hammet, Mickey Spillane, and possibly James Hadley Chase. I couldn’t stop reading and wouldn’t change a word (except maybe the place where the Willow Falls mob got confused with the Willow Bluff guys.) Great stuff and don’t stop. Best regards, Seyi

  • I’m intrigued by the situation–that he is doomed by captors with metallic breath to an eternal pattern of departure and reemergence. And I appreciate that you’ve endowed inanimate objects with sentience–which is making me type more gently on my keyboard. The whole tale has a slightly ominous, disjointed feeling–perfect for the situation. And…[Read more]

  • Epic start to an epic adventure! A nice cast of characters–good dialogue–and a ‘situation.’ Well done!

  • Darkly fun! Loved the dialogue and the absurd situation. And, of course, we’re not going to let a corpse ruin a good party. You’ve got a lot happening here! Very much enjoyed it!

  • Tracks led deeper into the forest. Ground, soft from recent rain, and tender spring foliage bore the faint marks of her passing. A broken twig here, the heelprint of her boot there, a green thread from her cloak. […]

    • Hi Sorchia,
      Really enjoyed your tale with its little twists of humour. Read this with a smile on my face. Great stuff. Thanks for the read.

    • You had me at Goblin Market. Not usually a fantasy fan, however I enjoyed this. I just had to know what a goblin market was! Feel free to critique mine if you like! – Matt

    • Hey Sorchia, very cool tale and you’ve created some characters that feel real (and familiar.) I really enjoyed the very visual nature of the intro, which helped craft a very defined atmosphere. The dialogue is very cool, but I’d look out for words repeated in close proximity. ‘Brambles,’ and ‘seduced,’ for example. Very cool story-telling, all the best and regards, Seyi

    • Hi Sorchia, really enjoyed your story! Glad to report I didn’t get any splinters while reading 😉 I find your descriptions evocative – “The moon perched full and fat on the rim of the world”; “A confusion of sharp briars…” Even though I knew nothing of the characters when I started reading, you’ve written them in such a way as to flesh them out, letting the reader know just enough. Love the twist in how the sisters tricked Reibeart.

  • Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’m working on a slightly longer version that fills in some of the blanks.

  • C Alexis and Profile picture of SorchiaSorchia are now friends 6 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Winifred walked to the kitchen window and pulled the lacy curtains aside. She held the blue crystal up to the light. Morning sun found the stone’s facets. Prismatic rainbows danced across the quartz countertop a […]

    • Hello Sorchia
      I so enjoyed your twisted tale. You captured my interest from the opening words and kept me enchanted throughout the story. You foreshadowed the ending for her beau — seemed well deserved if opportunistic. Finally, I liked the humour and irony in your plot. Well done. CA

      • Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’m working on a slightly longer version that fills in some of the blanks.

    • This is amazing Sorchia! Really good fantasy while being deliciously dark and funny. I think we all need a Jak don’t we?

    • I enjoyed this

      the 2 opening para’s confused me slightly – the jump from Winifred admiring the jewel to the change in POV of your narrator telling us she couldn’t start over – think those two para’s could be more seamless if I’m honest.
      Curious you never mention your narrator by name?

      I would’ve liked more action from Mario – maybe he tried to grab her and that’s when Jikjak pounced – a little more action there?

      great bones – would like to see this story fleshed out more fully

  • Sorchia's profile was updated 8 months, 1 week ago

  • “It was on a night such as this when Blackwood family history took a decisive turn to the left.” Uncle Mort settled into the overstuffed chair beside the fireplace.

    Lightning flickered and an icy rain pounded on […]

    • Hm, interesting family lore for the Christmas Eve story for the kids! I love a good witch story especially when she ends up leaving a legacy. Should she burn the castle down on a Christmas battle? Where are the crystals with the souls in them? I’d wear that business around my neck to keep it safe. This is fun, thanks for sharing!

    • Indeed not the expected Christmas tale, but certainly intriguing. Nicely done.

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Sorchia

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@sorchiad

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