• Plus–now that song is stuck in my head!

  • What a slimeball. Good story–evocative, for sure.

  • Vividly described! Really fine dialogue and action tags for same. A satisfying tale, for certain.

  • Thanks, Barbara. Yes, it’s a little rough–in the final version, I’ll do a better job of making those transitions. Ran out of time and words 🙂 So glad you enjoyed it!

  • Something old, something new. Aed rummaged in the curio cabinet, shuffling potions and bits and pieces of spell work aside, not really looking for anything. He came across a twist of pipe weed and abandoned his […]

    • You’ve created a rich world with strong and interesting characters. Some really great images: “she rumbled a comforting purr beneath his fingers” and “I’ve never paid more than five goat’s eyes” for example. I did find the change of POV very slightly disorienting – from Aed, to Gridizig and finally for a short while to Mirabel. That may partly have been why I wasn’t sure who “the witch” was from Mirabel’s point of view in the second last sentence. The sense suggests Gridizig, yet he was addressed as a troll earlier. Sorry, though, if I’m being dense. Leaving that aside, I was captivated by the story. It feels like there’s definitely more to come. I can’t wait!

    • Thanks, Barbara. Yes, it’s a little rough–in the final version, I’ll do a better job of making those transitions. Ran out of time and words 🙂 So glad you enjoyed it!

    • Hi Sorchia,
      An interesting world where the rules become clear quickly. I had difficulty figuring out who the “witch” was in the second part until I figured out that you were speaking about Aed. And we see that Gridizig sizes up the situation quite quickly. I didn’t know that Mirabel was interested in Aed as a partner, but she certainly didn’t object when Gridizig said “half breed”.
      Fun story with the details of the pentacle, the spells, the ugly earl etc.
      I liked this world that you set up.

    • Hi Sorchia Another amazing story! Really enjoyed how you developed the plot slowly showing us what happens so we can piece it together. Love your fantasy world!

  • Thanks, Maria! Sorry for the slow reply. I’m so happy you liked it.

  • I hated the little bastard as soon as I laid eyes on him. Nine years ago, he’d been a sickly baby who screamed nonstop through the christening and peed on the priest. That was pretty funny—I hated him any […]

    • Hi Sorchia,
      Oh wow! I’ve waited hours to read your piece and I wasn’t disappointed. It was a really great, darkly humorous story. I loved it. Great build-up and a wonderful last line. Thanks for a very entertaining read.

    • This was such a great read! Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed the nasty descriptions of the brother and the tension between their two personalities. I like the ambiguous ending, and it left me wanting more – to know for sure what happens and if Aloysius ends up double-crossing the old brother. Thanks again!

    • Oh this is dark! Deliciously so! The two children being brought together for greed is so scary but amazing. Absolutely chilling but still so witty, Sorchia!

    • Sorchia – Awesome story, thanks for sharing! Is it weird I am rooting for the two psychopaths and want to know what next adventure they get into?! Love the descriptions in the beginning and throughout! Feel free to critique mine, I’d love some feedback! Well done all around! – Matt

    • Thanks, Maria! Sorry for the slow reply. I’m so happy you liked it.

  • I like it! You’ve done a good job of making these two sisters real–along with the Mc’s father through her reflections and the descriptions of his surroundings. Some comma issues–put a comma before and after a noun of direct address like a name–at least in the US. Is it the same rule elsewhere? Otherwise, the internal dialogue is good and the…[Read more]

  • Nicely done! The dialogue works and all the little ‘alien’ bits add to this character’s development. It’s what good sci-fi should be–different enough to be interesting but ‘human’ enough to be relatable. Well written and paced perfectly.

  • Sorchia started taking the course 52 Scenes 2 months, 1 week ago

  • Oleander, castor beans, wolf’s bane, angel’s trumpet, belladonna, mugwort. Moonlight cast wavering shadows across the garden. A breeze rustled the leaves and petals. Far below, city traffic rumbled even at thi […]

    • I enjoyed this other world and its interesting inhabitants. Very entertaining.

    • Really enjoyed the read, great fun and well written

    • Hi Sorchia, this was a fun read, well done. I enjoyed the light-heartedness and humour with which these characters approach such a “serious” problem. I also like the way you bring out their humanness despite the magical setting their attraction to each other distracts them from the problem at hand.
      One thing I was wondering: If Zandor did not believe in “magic,” why did he suspect that an elemental was bothering him? I’m guessing Winnie told him, or whoever convinced him to go see her.
      I loved the setting of the rooftop garden with all the poisonous plants, very imaginitive!
      Your dialogue felt natural and convincing. I enjoyed this! 😉

  • Timaeus and Profile picture of SorchiaSorchia are now friends 2 months, 1 week ago

  • Sorchia commented on the post, Ditch by Seyi 3 months, 1 week ago

    Always so evocative! I know this ferry-ride isn’t going to go as planned. I detect in your tales a certain–shall we say–lack of confidence in officials of all kinds. They never come out too well and they always deserve what they get. Sadly, as in real life, they take down a lot of innocents with them. Your stories are the slice-of-life bits…[Read more]

  • Oh, a nice tale with a surprise at the end. It seems many of us are burying people in ditches with this prompt–and I heartily approve. You’ve developed a nice bit of atmosphere with Dave Matthews and whisky–she’s headed for a fall. I like the framing and the whole idea of this little scene. Good Work!!

  • Hi, Lucy! Another nicely dark tale with a lovely bit of twistiness. The tarot lady, despite her not-so-great reading room, seems to know her onions. I love this idea–the ghost isn’t any happier about the situation than the living human is. Makes for an interesting dynamic if you move into another scene with this. Good story!

  • Yep–dark and delightful. I actually have such a place in the back of my property–a deep hole in a secluded area. You’ve very clearly described what I’ve imagined might happen to unsuspecting hikers. Such a good atmosphere and I’m glad you went the darker route. Good story with a lot of atmosphere built in 300 words.

  • A hopeful story! Good exchange and you developed the idea completely in 300 words. Suffering in silence seems like another sub-stage of grief. Good dialogue and nicely done overall!

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Sorchia

Profile picture of Sorchia

@sorchiad

Active 1 week, 6 days ago
Short Story : 10
Poetry : 0
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0