• I really enjoyed your story Susanne. This was perfect for this time of year. I can certainly relate to wanting to ditch all the hype and enjoy a quiet holiday without frantic preparations. I liked that you took each tradition and skewered it. I do think it was reminiscent of Moon – the getting down to business approach. Very fun read!

  • What a beautiful, sad tale. One holiday a year for the love of your life. I can’t imagine the torture. I thought you had a wonderful pace for the story – taking time for setting the scene and giving us insight into both characters. Wonderful job, Sharmayne. I really enjoyed the read.

  • What a wonderful story. I really enjoyed the read Mike. I liked that you didn’t make your MC be the biggest, smartest, etc. He was an everyday guy meeting a Princess. Wow! You did a great job on building up the story. He had a good reason for traveling – over with his friends. And they met once and enjoyed their conversation, setting up the…[Read more]

  • It was good to read about the Detective again. He stoicism in the face of such tragedy is remarkable. I don’t know how he could be anything but and do his job. I really loved the line “Freedom works in tandem with safety and they both prefer daylight.” I found it a bit heart-wrenching considering the circumstances. And the two children across the…[Read more]

  • It was great reading about Polly again. She is a very interesting character. I never thought of what she did as “aiding those looking to cross the River Styx. ” You did a great job of building the picture of their relationship and how Arthur was part of her growth in her chosen field. I was glad to have a bit more time to get to know Polly in this story.

  • Great story Barbara. I loved the way you lead us to what was happening slowly, setting the scene just right and building on it. The description of the crystals – for the layman – as a tacky Swarovski habit, made me laugh. I’m invested in the story now and it has me wanting to find out what the potion does and how it will help.

  • As an inveterate list maker, I can feel this woman’s pain. I loved the way the list kept growing despite constantly marking things off. This was a different way to tell a story that I ended up really enjoying. And her husband’s advice at the end made me laugh out loud.

  • Great story Amy Rae. I loved the vivid descriptions of their lives there. Very imaginative. Have a great holiday!

  • This could be a conversation in most any family I’ve known. There’s always a Gwyn to contend with. I wonder, though, if the Mom won’t surprise them all. I think you bring all that family conflict out beautifully in the dialogue between these two characters. I’m increasingly impressed with your ability to communicate so much through the use of…[Read more]

  • In town for the evening, cowboys, farmers and the like line the bar and mingle throughout the smoke-filled saloon. One table stands out by its silence and the somber mood of its occupants; each gamester, holding […]

    • Hi Shelley, This is great! I love how the beginning pulled me in and I slowly got to see the reality of the setting–layers of a onion. I think you have done a really good job with maintaining present tense in this story. I like the ghost-visit (and the slight resemblance of it to Scrooge’s ghost of Holliday past–brilliant) , and the moral. Because I know you welcome constructive feedback, I wonder if there’s a better way to end the story? I did appreciate the story even more after explicitly being told the moral, but I wonder if you could show it to us within the story itself somehow? I dont know how–would have to think about it some more. And maybe your other readers would disagree. All in all, a great story.

    • What an original use of the prompt – well done. Lucky Chris getting the inside take on his character. I’ve thought about what Becky said about the ending and I was wondering if it would have more weight if perhaps Chris had shown arrogance at the start and believed he knew all there was to know about Doc Holliday? Just a thought. I loved the picture of Chris racing down the stairs wielding an umbrella! I’m glad he got awards for his efforts. Very enjoyable.

  • Thanks so much for your comments and suggestions Paul. I’ll start looking a bit more for those repeated words – it looks like that would be a good way to get my word count down too 😉
    You make some great suggestions and I’ll definitely put those to good use. I’m eager to learn and happy when I get info that will help me to do that. Thanks for reading!

  • Thanks for reading and your comments Barbara. That part about the father resonated with me too. I agree with you about the past tense – I haven’t tackled it yet but plan to make those changes soon. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  • Thanks for your comments and edits Jane. I’ve made those changes and I like it much better. I haven’t changed the tense in that one section but hope to tackle that at some point so I have a cleaned up story. I was kind of glad this short story was just 500 words since that was closer to what we’ve been doing with the flash fiction. The longer ones…[Read more]

  • Thanks so much for your feedback. I did the part your talking about first in past tense but I think there was a comment on one of my previous stories that I thought said the opposite. I’ll have to try and go find it because I obviously misunderstood. Boyfriends can be the worse for getting you into trouble.

  • This is a lovely story. So well done and I didn’t even realize that the characters don’t have names – just Pete. The pain of words not said and things not done – you epitomized that wonderfully. And a great ending – floating to his headstone. Well done.

  • I like the way you started with ‘I hate hospitals’ and ended it the same way. Seems we come full circle – or some things never change. I appreciated all the different levels of management and minions that needed to be appeased for the budgeting process.

    This sentence – “Tonight I would be taken out of that process.” – I think you are alluding…[Read more]

  • Shelley North commented on the post, Score by Amy Rae 1 month ago

    Poor Brian. I think maybe he’s not made for this game. I like the way you introduced the accident that put Brian into the game and then repeated it for Brian’s misadventure. Great way to end it. I like the way you used the prompt in this sentence – Our goalie was scouted for how well he guarded the crease; it was his domain. ” I don’t know how…[Read more]

  • Thanks so much Susanne. Sometimes even parents disappoint in their reaction to a situation. I think that girl could have used a hug. I really appreciate you reading and your comments.

  • I agree with you – 100 %. The system is not really set up to be ‘just’ at all. The young woman in my story was lucky for so many reasons not the least of which that she could call her parents and they had the means to get her out of jail. And don’t get me started on the ‘three strikes’ rule – so unfair. Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting. I…[Read more]

  • Wonderfully evocative! I love the combination of childlike things with menacing words and deeds. Truly gave me the shivers. Children are not always what we expect. I really enjoyed this one.

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Shelley North

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@slnorth

Active 2 hours, 31 minutes ago
Short Story : 3
Poetry : 0
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 30