I agree with Lauren, your title is great. Joel’s slow realisation that this isn’t a fair contest was skilfully written, as was your description of how much Joel cares for Sarah. I’m not sure of the relationship – father/daughter or friends – but I didn’t need to know. Their connection was palpable. There are two words I didn’t know and can’t find…[Read more]

I really enjoyed this thanks to your skill in creating such a realistic protagonist. I loved Sunshine. Your writing style reminds me of Lydia Davis, especially her short story The Sock. Your story has a similar pace and compelling nature. Congratulations.

That’s incredibly generous, thank you! I didn’t realise we’re meant to read and comment on the WTC exercises, so will do that from now on. Thanks again; you made my day.

An interesting and educational piece on learning and teaching, and following one’s path. Well done.

Oh man, what a harrowing start to this story. It’s the sort of tale you read peeking through your fingers. Great imager and characters and an exciting storyline. Keep going.

Great story Jess. I loved your protagonist and his annoyance at the way Samuel Greene leaned into the microphone. The only thing I would change is the word ‘grunted’ when James heard him grunting, ‘Viktor better be dead now’. Maybe something like muttered under his breath, or mumble? Just a thought. I certainly didn’t guess the killer, so well done.

Thanks Jessica. I really appreciate that feedback and I see what you mean. I’ll give it a go. Thanks again.

Thanks so much Ray. That’s very generous feedback. Appreciate it.

Thanks so much for reading it.

Oh the weight of this story is palpable, so sad. I loved being inside your protagonist’s head and his self-questioning – “Is this all my mind could put together?”. I also loved your metaphor for the river of life, “Somewhere along the river we had lost our paddles …” One small question. In the 4th sentence of the 1st para – “weighed eyelids” -…[Read more]

Got it. Thanks for this, especially the body language tip.

Oh I love a surprise ending. The way this story changed shape was really well done. If I had to find a piece of constructive feedback, I’d suggest there’s no need for the second reference to the rape as the reader knows by then what has happened. It might be stronger to show her checking that the weapon was in place. Just a thought, and a tiny one…[Read more]

Thanks Sandra, really appreciate that.

Wow, your descriptions and detail are captivating. I felt like I was taking every step with you. I felt the cool, morning air, smelt the bacon and sausages and heard every bird. Loved it.

Thanks June, appreciate you picking that up – and thanks very much for reading it.

Thanks so much for reading.

This is such a clever story and take on the prompt. I loved its rhythm and the way your characters were so lively and yet told in such a subtle way. A great piece of writing.