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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, The Paper Man by Ana Diaz 4 days, 15 hours ago
A great story Ana, and I love the image of him becoming a paper man. That’s so well done. Terrific imagery as well. I really enjoyed your story. Well done.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, A Permanent Condition by Sharmayne Riseley 4 days, 15 hours ago
That’s very generous of you Ana. Thank you for taking the time to read it and give me that feedback.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, A Permanent Condition by Sharmayne Riseley 4 days, 15 hours ago
Thanks for taking the time to read it Susan. Appreciate it.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, It’s just a line, an inky dinky line… by Susan O'Neal 4 days, 15 hours ago
This is a terrific story Susan. Congratulations. The setting, the characters, the suspense and the weirdness were compelling. This is a highly polished and well crafted story. Send it off somewhere. It deserves a larger audience. Bravo!
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, TEARS…SORROW OR SHAME? Linda Kuno 4 days, 15 hours ago
A great and devious twist and there’s so much to explore in this story. I liked the parallels of the protagonist and her grandmother’s story, and you created a great setting. Well done Linda.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, A Permanent Condition by Sharmayne Riseley 4 days, 15 hours ago
Thanks for taking the time to read it and for the feedback, Linda. Much appreciated.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, A Permanent Condition by Sharmayne Riseley 4 days, 16 hours ago
Thanks June, I really appreciate that.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, No Permanent Name by June Hunter 4 days, 16 hours ago
I really enjoyed this June. You did a great job painting a clear picture of a neighbourhood and its different personalities. I also thought your protagonist was realistic and I too loved the ‘Yappee’ line and the way you finished with that as well. Well done.
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Sharmayne Riseley wrote a new post, A Permanent Condition by Sharmayne Riseley 1 week, 1 day ago
Despite my height, at sixty-seven I am invisible. Or at least, I was. They’re saying that in seven years I siphoned $1.6 million, but that can’t be right. Even Warren with his lazy eye and boozy lunches would not […]
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Considered Options by Sharmayne Riseley 3 weeks, 2 days ago
Thanks Jane, appreciate you reading it.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Considered Options by Sharmayne Riseley 3 weeks, 2 days ago
Thanks for your feedback Richard, appreciate it.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Considered Options by Sharmayne Riseley 1 month ago
Thanks so much June. That’s great feedback and I really appreciate it. Very helpful.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Considered Options by Sharmayne Riseley 1 month ago
Thanks Megan. Appreciate you reading it.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Tempted by June Hunter 1 month ago
Wow, I’m tempted myself. Well done June on creating a smooth and compelling story. I interpreted your last line to show that she let the heady fragrance escape as a way of resisting temptation, and hope that’s what you intended. Congratulations on a great story. I hope you submit it for publication.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, The hunted by Roxane 1 month ago
Great ending. The missing businessman on the TV news is such a great touch. One very small suggestion to think about is removing the second time you used the word ‘violet’ as I thought ‘mesmerising’ worked well the second time. The suspense in your story built so smoothly. Congratulations on creating such a chilling and visual story.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Tempted by Richard A Scott 1 month ago
Well done on the internal dialogue. I was really inside your protagonist’s head the whole time and would have loved him to have said hi to at least one of the men he was shyly eyeing. Congratulations on creating such a realistic character.
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Sharmayne Riseley commented on the post, Temptation By Richard Warburton 1 month ago
Wow, what a killer ending! I didn’t suspect the identity of the man on the platform until the very end. Congratulations on creating such a powerful story with such a great shock factor.
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Sharmayne Riseley wrote a new post, Considered Options by Sharmayne Riseley 1 month ago
He sank into the pillow and floated into sleep. Grateful. Relieved. Exhausted.
A spear flashed through his brain as he heard Chi-Chi’s nails click on the kitchen tiles. Anthony waited. His aunt snored in the gu […]
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Oh I hope he didn’t! Poor Chi-Chi. I love your characterisation of the little dog, and this image: ‘the dog’s white billiard ball head’. You might consider starting the piece with ‘Anthony sank into the pillow’ and not use his name so much after that. Just ‘he/his’ would be better in most places. This ‘four of his best whiskeys ‘ would sound better as ‘four glasses of his best whiskey’. Great little story. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks so much June. That’s great feedback and I really appreciate it. Very helpful.
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Hilarious and very well drawn. A great use of the prompt.
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Thanks Megan. Appreciate you reading it.
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I like this. Some lovely turns of phrase…blew like a beached walrus….the dog’s head ….tampon image is superb, although some may find it offensive and the contrast between the opening line and the potential of the last line, brackets all superbly.
richard warburto
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Thanks for your feedback Richard, appreciate it.
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Hi Sharmayne, this is so cute. I can just see the tiny little rat dog quivering as she imagines what Anthony may have in store for her. I would have just thrown the dog in his Aunts room and closed the door:) Well done.
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Thanks Jane, appreciate you reading it.
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Hello Sharmayne,Interesting use of the prompt. I like how you were able to put such a story in such a short word count.
Also, a quite smart ending.
Thank you for sharing! 🙂
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Sharmayne Riseley wrote a new post, Writing Goals by Sharmayne Riseley 1 month, 1 week ago
My writing goals for the next 12 months include:
Achieve my 12SS badge for 12 short stories in 12 months.
Submit at least 4 stories to publications/competitions.
Complete writing courses/read books on […] -
Isabella and
Sharmayne Riseley are now friends 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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Hi Sharmayne. This is a great story and you tell it well. I was immersed in the gambler’s addiction and how she only needed to put one more coin in those machines before the big pay-out happened. Well done.
Thanks June, I really appreciate that.
I could feel her excitement and thrill of playing the games. I thought for sure she was going to win big on that last game, but I like your ending better.
Thanks for taking the time to read it and for the feedback, Linda. Much appreciated.
I liked this story – I thought you had captured the gambler’s denial beautifully and the device of having the MC ‘confide’ in the reader worked very well to produce a well rounded piece. I enjoyed the contrast in your descriptions too – for example: ‘A gilt-edged world full of lights and possibilities. It’s true some of the stools were stained, but a freshly pressed handkerchief on the seat fixed that.’ Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for taking the time to read it Susan. Appreciate it.
Hey Sharmayne,
this is very well written and with excellent tempo. It portrays the senselessness of addiction to a t. But my favorite part was Ronnie, the way you describe him is vivid and hilarious. I love reading carefully crafted stories, which take a lot to write but then flow easily and gripping the reader until the end. In other words, I’d like more of this, good job.
That’s very generous of you Ana. Thank you for taking the time to read it and give me that feedback.