• Nimmons is about to put down when the other end crackles to life.
    “Psych reg on call.” Marius said.
    “Hello. This is Dr. Nimmons from _____ Hospital. I’d like to transfer a 29 year old man with acute psychosis […]

    • Excellent! The prompt could go in so many directions. I adored your piece!

    • Timaeus replied 1 day ago

      You have a knack with dialogue and setting a scene

    • What a great take on the prompt!

    • I laughed at the genre! Then it got even better. The bureaucracy is groaning everwhere right now. I bet many governments wished they always believed in public service. Thanks for writing and sharing.

    • loved the manner in which you captured this brusque man Marius.
      I am curious about your moniker – is Preston Nimmons YOUR name or your preferred moniker? It is rather catchy – and you use it in your stories…very interesting.

  • mrsir184 and Profile picture of SeyiSeyi are now friends 1 day, 20 hours ago

  • The image for me is that of the lotus flower in the muddy water – humanity’s beauty amidst humanity’s terror. One and the same, for without one you cannot have the other.

  • That changed gears very quickly. Sweetly cruel end. I enjoyed it!

  • The scars – a carrying metaphor of the story. I like the opening, how they are itching, and the close, when they are calm.

    The elephant in the room is a good choice of metaphor too – there’s something obvious in the air for the characters, but at first the reader isn’t aware of this, but that’s the clue. And so I’m reading on the edge of my…[Read more]

  • I quite like the names you have chosen for the characters. The title ‘Chatelaine’ is fantastic. It impresses a sense other-worldiness or ‘other-time’ to the setting. It was well written, and the dialogue flowed. I like how the story makes reference to untapped potential. The plausibility of the Queen, her majesty, coming to intervieiw the new…[Read more]

  • I loved this journey through the eddies and whorls of the main character’s thoughts. There were treasures pocketed all about this story – casual private moments burying the main trail of the story. I think that was very neatly done. I was genuinely surprised when the demon appeared. That was excellent. I’d have enjoyed a description of the…[Read more]

  • A touching story of loss and the greyed-out version of a world without love. Thank you for sharing.

  • Thanks for sharing this! A difficult moment for the character – the passing of a loved one. Snippets of the back story hint at the weight of the shift of the moment in the story.

  • This piece lit up rather quickly – what a pace! Frida sparks the imagination – a multifaceted character that covets and guards he horde.

  • “Yes, I see what you mean,” Prof said excitedly. To her he said, “have you ever noticed that your pupils are not the same size?”
    Judging by how distraught she suddenly became, she had not noticed this before. He […]

    • I assume this is factual? the symptoms and all? if so , it does sound interesting.
      I am a bit confused as to why the patient’s reaction was so extreme if she didn’t suspect anything was wrong?
      to make that first para clearer I would forego the pronouns and say patient (to make it clear) and give the Prof his full title and leave just your MC with the neutral ‘I’

      a small typo : triad – trial?

    • Ok, wow, so this was a sad story. I feel for the patient. Overall, very interesting. I also like Prof’s personality and the MC’s excitement at Prof being right. That was very well done. Thanks for sharing.

    • Wow, scary stuff. but I don’t think I’d approve of the bedside manner of the ‘professionals’

    • You could feel her despair. And you can really get an idea of how detached a medical professional can and has to be to treat someone. Great work.

    • Hey Preston, beauty found everywhere it seems. Nicely laid out tale with the dialogue/diagnosis its biggest strength. Made it easy for laypeople to follow and understand. You had a space after the sentence “He declared” but nowhere else. I wonder if this was intentional? Well done with this piece and very best regards, Seyi

  • Marius and I found Faye in her bed. He shook her and lifted the cover. “We need to perform a procedure,” he said.
    “What procedure?” She demanded, pulling the blanket back over her.
    “It’s called a lumbar […]

    • Ha! the typical behavior and attitude. Very well expressed. Hope this story gets a wide audience

    • Hey Preston and how goes it? Marius does not sound like he has his bedside manner switched on so that last line is helpful in describing his state. Perhaps you could have ended the sentence “Faye sat bolt upright, her hair a tangled mess of webs” at the word “mess.” The following sentence (“Her eyes…”) is really useful, shows how mad she is but how vulnerable at the same time. You have another party (unnamed Prof.) that makes this piece need a little more info before it can stand alone. Otherwise, very well set up and great dialogue. As always, hope the input is useful, do feel free to ignore. Regards, Seyi

    • Faye seems to be a guinea pig for these people. The Prof doesn’t feel like an honest person to me if he’s ordering these people to do redundant painful tests. Very much a thriller. Thanks for sharing.

      – Ismael

    • You captured the harshness well. “Her eyes were wrathful” felt awkward. I like the use of the word, perhaps, “Her eyes, a washed in wrath” or “Full of wrath”. “He kicked her slippers into place” is sufficient because naturally they would have to be in front of her. These are typical things that get ironed out. Great use of the prompt.

  • mrsir184 and Profile picture of DerynDeryn are now friends 3 days, 4 hours ago

  • This is wonderfully done. I enjoyed the metaphor of mother-and-child running through the story, especially starting with the image of “the arch of her back bent as though broken by years of motherhood.”

  • This was all very well done. The image set the tone for what was about to take place, and then revelation. A uniquely difficult moment between husband and (?recently) disabled wife. An artist trying to find her way. A reflection of art history.

  • Timeless moment between mother and child as they badger each other getting ready. Fun read.

  • I love this scene – an excited moment of misdirected hidden intent. I had some difficulty with the flow of the first paragraph. I imagined Frida flirting back, purpose undefined.

  • Grim indeed! What a tantalizing snippet. I can picture the two women confused in the woods.

  • I love the way she describes Sharon. It’s exactly the way a distant relative might be described to someone who wasn’t sure. It would have been funny if she’d accidentally sent something to the neighbourhood watch group.

  • “You are new.” Her accent was thick. “My name is Frida.” She smiled unimpassioned waiting for me to register. I could not find anything written in her file.
    “What can I help you with?” I asked lamely.
    “He did not […]

    • hahahaha! I love this.
      Tiny note – I struggled with the word unimpassioned. It seemed clumsy, although if Frida had said it it might have been quite funny.

    • Great story. Loved the integrating of a mythological being into a normal world.

    • I would love to have a hint of what Frida looks like. I also struggled with the word unimpassioned. Forced? Polite? Toothy? Unimpressed? Cool idea! I liked that it kept me guessing.

    • Hmm? When is the next full moon?
      So, she was at her psychologist / psychiatrist?

    • loved the dry humour of that last line – could just see the good Doctor wanting this …woman/werewolf outa his consulting rooms post haste.
      good one

    • Original. Thumbs up for writing outside of the literary box, and adding a bit of dry humor… ☕👍🏻
      I agree that you could’ve filled it in with a little more descriptive detail.

    • Hey Preston and how goes it? The story title had warned me a little bit otherwise it might have been more fun figuring out where those symptoms were going. Very well handled dialogue. Well done and thanks for a fun read. Regards, Seyi

    • “I show you if you want?” I burst out laughing. Most excellent.

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