• It’s Happened Again by Mia Botha

    Photo by Nadia Sitova on Unsplash

    #

    She stood in the door for a moment and watched him sleep. Spidery limbs wrapped up in Spiderman bedding. She lay her hand on his back and […]

    • I loved the story. I felt sad for the mother and her son. It is very poignant.

    • I loved the story It is very poignant.

    • I loved it

    • A great story Mia! There is tension throughout, wondering what they are running from and if this mother actually means harm to the little boy. The ending is sad, but satisfying as we realise the child is safe and we understand the circumstances. I enjoyed it.

    • A great bit of flash fiction. From a longer piece? It certainly feels like there’s a lot more to the tale, and this is a little nugget nestled somewhere in the middle. But it stands alone very well.
      The writing is excellent, but I always try to find some things that are worth a second glance. I’m often wrong, but a second glance can’t hurt, and maybe one thing will leap out…

      She couldn’t be too careful. The bear was too recognisable.
      Do you want to say ‘too’ twice this close together? The bear was instantly recognaisable The bear would be recognised.

      She had seen the odd look the one mother had given her today.
      Does it read better removing the second ‘the’? She had seen the odd look one mother had given her today.

      “I’m tired of new.” He said after a while.
      Should ‘He’ be lowercase? I think both would work.

      She turns back to the road and turns up the radio a little bit.
      Do you want to say ‘turns’ twice this close together? She looks back to the road and turns up the radio a little bit. She glances back to the road and turns up the radio a little bit.

      I enjoyed this very much and felt the drive and desperation of the mother. A different kind of love story. The best kind. Thanks for sharing. Excellent!

    • I love the premise of this story, and I found it deeply moving.
      I was never sure who the real baddies were, and it totally delivered at the end. I also love d the opening paragraph – the detail of the sleeping child and the duvet.
      A tiny note. So many of the sentences up front begin with ‘she’. It has a repetitive ring, but I wasn’t sure if that is what you were aiming for.
      I loved the dialogue and the radio, and the scene from the car window.

    • I agree with all the comments, esp the she’s in the opening paragraph. I hate to admit it took me a second look to get the bear, and then, of course, I thought it the perfect touch. The bitter twist of the boy missing them was brilliant. Well done, gave me agita, hurt my heart.

    • Wonderful story, Mia, but sad to see the anguish on both sides of this story. I can see both perspectives and that is what makes her struggle so sad. He will someday learn the truth, which will devastate her. Thanks for sharing this moving tale.

  • Manner….I have no words. Thanks for reading. Morgan is a little confused and conflicted. I definitely need to sort him out. It’s not a dream, but a whole new idea that I need to flesh out. Hopefully I’ll make better sense of it. Happiness M

  • Jeez, Tara is harsh. Funny scene. My only suggestions: start with her arrival. The apartment description can form part of the dialogue. Would love to hear Tara’s description.

  • Make anything happen – I sometimes think that is the best, but also the worst about writing fiction. Hehe. Thanks for the read. Yes, I am thinking about it….darn it.

  • Morgan does not like Nell’s reaction, but we’ll have to see if he i sgoign to do something about it. Thanks for reading, Sharon.

  • Friend or foe? That is the question. Hehe. Poor Nell. She better get it together quickly. Thanks Nina.

  • Solid point. I’ll have to figure out how an Amalgam can be kidnapped. A restriction of her powers perhaps. The army is a whole new twist. Let’s see what happens. Thanks for reading.

  • Nice one, Peggy. You can add a bit more setting description and the chef’s info would make cool dialogue. Interesting things are happening here.

  • The Presentation by Mia BothaPhoto by Julien de Salaberry on Unsplash#“Amalgam, it’s time.” The attendant gestures to the door.Nell tucked away a sigh and with heavy feet walked toward the stables. The horse […]

    • Wow, Mia! So much going on in this scene, so much to chew on and to savor!

      I like that Nell is getting comfortable in her armor, has made it her own. I like that Orin is female, I guess I never picked up on that before. I liked the way you described the crowd, expecting a celebration for a new leader only to discover the new leader wasn’t as beloved as would be expected. I liked the reference to the Amalgam’s role, “…the great one who keeps them safe. Who protects them against themselves and saves them from having to choose between good and evil.” Such a heavy burden indeed. Except, then we learn about the killings, by the summoners overcome by blood lust and it’s no wonder the crowd becomes a mob.

      I was a little surprised that the Amalgam would be so easily overtaken, did she forget her words and her power? I get that it was necessary for the next part of the scene, but maybe someone with stronger power should have put a damper on Nell’s power which allowed her to be taken, or she deliberately didn’t user her power so as not to injure or harm innocent bystanders.

      I laughed at the image of Nell, jaw dropped at the sight of the god like, chiseled man who closes her mouth with a finger and a wink.

      I wonder at Morgan’s allegiance, and I wonder about this army. I’m hoping these are not the same men/summoners who have been raiding the villages, but are come as a force to reckon against that evil. I guess I’ll just have to wait for next week, as the saga to continue.

      You’ve got a great, great story, Mia! Keep it coming.

      • Solid point. I’ll have to figure out how an Amalgam can be kidnapped. A restriction of her powers perhaps. The army is a whole new twist. Let’s see what happens. Thanks for reading.

    • Oh dear. Look what you have done to poor Nell :). I get what Peggy said about Nell being easily overtaken, but I found it credible. She’s young, it’s a ceremonial event. She did feel an undercurrent…you upped the intrigue beautifully and left us hanging. Friend or foe?

    • Hi, Mia. I am enjoying following Nell and her adventures. I didn’t know Orin was female either. I am not sure if Morgan is happy about how this are going. He is seething, so not too happy I suppose. Looking forward to #8.

      • Morgan does not like Nell’s reaction, but we’ll have to see if he i sgoign to do something about it. Thanks for reading, Sharon.

    • That was a rather brazen kidnapping – right in the middle of everything. The smiling child was a bit of misdirection because it felt safe there for a moment. I read the other comments, and I didn’t really think too much about her being so easily overcome. But now that I’m thinking about it… 😉
      I like the way you described the place they woke up, the soft bed and blanket. Made it feel non-threatening right from the start. That’s a clever way to set the mind of the read along a certain pathway. I might steal that in the future.
      The plot thickens. I love how when we’re writing these things you can just make anything happen.

      • Make anything happen – I sometimes think that is the best, but also the worst about writing fiction. Hehe. Thanks for the read. Yes, I am thinking about it….darn it.

    • Curiouser and curiouser. I’m puzzled by Morgan seeming welcoming, then suddenly seething with anger. I figure we’ll find out about the army and the “god” soon enough, but Morgan is a real conundrum. Speaking of Morgan, I think that the phrase you were looking for was lord of the manor. And shrugging doesn’t seem like the way someone seething with anger might express himself. If it were me, it would more likely be an exasperated exclamation. Maybe that’s just me. But it feels like Morgan keeps changing his feelings in a really short time.

      The whole scene has a surreal quality to it, unlike the earlier scenes. I’m wondering if Nell is suddenly going to wake up and tell us it was all a dream.

      The last time we saw Morgan, Nell had sent him off to retrieve Bonair. Looks like he failed. I wonder, though, where Lukan is.

      A lot going on here. A lot. You definitely have me thinking. I’m very interested to see where this is going.

      • Manner….I have no words. Thanks for reading. Morgan is a little confused and conflicted. I definitely need to sort him out. It’s not a dream, but a whole new idea that I need to flesh out. Hopefully I’ll make better sense of it. Happiness M

  • Mia-admin started the topic Fantasy Writing in the forum 52 Scenes 1 week, 1 day ago

    Hi Writers

    There seem to be many fantasy authors in the 52S group. Perhaps this might be fun.

    https://prowritingaid.com/en/Webinar/Register/1000102 It’s for fantasy week.

    Happiness
    M

  • Me too. I’m seriously stuffing some stuff, but just more to play with later.

  • Drama, drama, drama! What a good scene to pop in on. Small suggestion: establish Kate as the VP in the beginning of the scene. It helps to gound us, but maybe it’s becasue I’ve just read this scene. There are many people in this scene and you’ve done well too keep it clear, but Kate’s VP will help strengthen that too. Lovely setting description. I…[Read more]

  • Bwhahahahahahaha! This guy should not be allowed to tell jokes. How does he not get punched more? Ok, this scene feels like you are hitting your stride. I love the pace and his inner dialogue. Stick to his VP though. Hers is a little jarring. Suggestion: could something more dangerous happen to them when they are together? Maybe they need to hide…[Read more]

  • High praise indeed. 😉 Thank you. Those doors – dammit – they were a nice surprise at the end of the tunnel. He stays there because is old and curmudgeonly and likes his things the way he likes his things. hehehe.

  • Nell got out of hand too quickly and had to be brought down a peg. Thanks for reading David. I will save your suggestions. Bonair is turning into a worthy adversary. I hope he keeps it up. I have an idea for Morya, but I need to think about it for a bit. I appreciate your feedback.

  • Thanks, Sharon. I will check it out. De you have Grammarly set up in your browser? I do, but I don’t think it will affect you. I appreciate your comment.

  • Thanks, Nina. Yip, Nell needed a moment to remember that there are others who have been doing this a lot longer than she has. Hehe. I appreciate your comment.

  • Hello Mustang Patty, thank you for reading. I really appreciate it. I’m still having fun with this so I’m taking it as a good sign. Happiness M

  • Thanks, Peggy. This scene felt like a reckoning for me. I had to ‘put it all together’. I’ve been adding stuff with abandon and had to make sure it all had a place. I agree it’s a lot for one scene. Nell is interesting. Had to make her a little valunerable. Always so grateful for your feedback.

  • Thanks, David. I tend to skip setting and detailed descriptions. I’ll go back and beef it up. The bloodlust will be explained. It was first mentioneded in my 11th 12SS story. I appreciate your comment.

  • Load More

Mia-admin

Profile picture of Mia-admin

@mia-admin

Active 1 hour, 58 minutes ago
Short Story balance: 2
Poetry balance: 0
WTC balance: 0
52 Scenes balance: 7