• Hi Marta,

    Yes, we did have similar ideas. I too use my hair as a way of keeping from feeling boring and stale.
    Thank you for reading and commenting.

    Melanie
    πŸ™‚

  • Hi Chantelle,
    I’m running out of ideas for reflections to appear in – so I am glad that you enjoyed the salon setting.
    I agree that a new haircut can be a catalyst for change when you are feeling stale.
    I am now off to read your story.
    Thanks for finding me and reading me.
    Melanie xox

  • Hi Deryn,

    Quite a powerful piece and some wonderfully crafted sentences in there. You definitely had a message to get across – which I believe you did well.
    My issue with the story would be that you don’t give her enough to character development to justify that explosive ending. There are too many gaps for me. Why did she work for something…[Read more]

  • Hey Chantelle,

    So lovely to see you back writing. I hope everything is going well for you.

    This story seemed longer – did you go over the 1200 words?
    You have a few consistency issues, particularly with the spelling of Brynn. You also mention three rolls, but then say that is was the last time the ‘four’ of them were together. Who is the…[Read more]

  • Hi Candice,

    This was a great tale, with fabulous description.
    A few things to ponder –
    *Would the box have been small, with all those things in it?
    *What triggered her to remember the box now?
    *Your dialogue is too ‘tell’. I know it is hard with the word count.
    Overall a great and interesting read – just my type of story.
    Well…[Read more]

  • Hi Julius,

    It was an interesting take on the prompt and I applaud you for trying something different.
    The story is disjointed – just like dreams, so that was clever.

    Your tenses need some work.
    You have too many exclamation marks. One per story is heaps. If you feel you need more exclamation marks it usually means you need to find…[Read more]

  • Hi Chantel,

    Great story and take on the prompt.

    You built the tension and creepiness well.

    Some great description in there.

    Well done.
    Melanie πŸ™‚

  • Wonderful!
    I love this clever take on the prompt.

    You gave your characters depth and I echo Kim’s sentiments on Mair.

    Well done,
    Melanie

  • Hi Deryn,

    Thanx for the feedback.
    I think there are many people texting people they shouldn’t be and I wanted to show how quickly it can turn into something more.

    Melanie πŸ™‚

  • Hi Candice,

    Thank you for the feedback.
    You are right, it needs another edit – I wrote and posted within three hours, with 21 minutes to spare.

    Melanie πŸ˜‰

  • Hi Julius,

    Trying to get the balance of introspection (telling) and showing what was happening in the salon was tricky, but I think I got there.

    Thank you for reading.
    Melanie πŸ™‚

  • Hi Chantel,

    Thank you for reading and the feedback.

    Melanie πŸ™‚

  • Thank you for the feedback, Susan – even though I thing you have Maria and I mixed up.

    Yes, it needs a quick edit to pick up those pesky mistakes.

    Melanie πŸ™‚

  • Hi Marta,

    A wonderful story and analogy.
    You built the tension and then eased it in a charming way. Though I think maybe the feelings would have been more realistic to have said she had been feeling frustrated for more than a few weeks – perhaps months? A 32 year marriage can weather a few weeks of discord.
    The word ‘shimmied’ implies a…[Read more]

  • Camille watched in the well-lit mirror as the hairdresser took the first lock of her boring brown hair and held the scissors up. β€œAre you sure?” Sonja asked.

    Was she sure? She didn’t voice the thought. No haird […]

    • Hi Maria. I enjoyed this tender episode. So nearly an awful mistake, retrieved at the last moment. I liked ‘No hairdresser was going to cut your waist-length hair into a short bob if you voiced any hesitation’ which underlines the basic truth about changing hairstyles when something else is really going on. I suspect you may have run out of time to proof this one – there’s some words missing (‘she wasn’t the only shopping for’, ‘clothes I put on today and combined would give me a push’)- that’s not like you, but easily fixed with our lovely edit button on the page. This didn’t detract from the powerful expression of how tempted Camille was by her co-worker’s attention and how close to the edge of disaster she was sailing. You made it very real and I heaved a sigh of relief when she pulled back! I wonder why her husband had changed at just the right time – would be good to hear another version of the story from his POV perhaps? Great storytelling!

    • Hi Melanie
      What a lovely story, and what engaging characters you’ve created. I enjoyed the journey through Camillie’s and I love how you chose to end it. One thing that tripped me up were the lack of contractions in the dialogue. I get that the word count probably had a hand in that though, haha. It didn’t detract from the story, however. Well done xxx

    • Great for introspection at a vulnerable time of life. Well done.

      • Hi Julius,

        Trying to get the balance of introspection (telling) and showing what was happening in the salon was tricky, but I think I got there.

        Thank you for reading.
        Melanie πŸ™‚

    • Hello Melanie,
      What a nice husband. A couple of nights in Fiji would be a great way to spice up a marriage.
      It was a realistic story with good rhythm and the dialogue worked well to carry the story along. I wonder if the husband felt that the relationship was stale and maybe he too was tempted by extracurricular relationships.
      If there is anything at all to criticise it was that it needed a bit of editing but that’s just nitpicking.
      Well done

      • Hi Candice,

        Thank you for the feedback.
        You are right, it needs another edit – I wrote and posted within three hours, with 21 minutes to spare.

        Melanie πŸ˜‰

    • Hi Melanie – who knows whether Wesley mightn’t have been having his own thoughts about the stale marriage and found his own way out of the rut, in the same way Camille chose a haircut. The air tickets are perfect! So happy she didn’t choose the other path. You painted a great picture of her guiltily enjoying a really inappropriate text relationship with her colleague. Hope it’s not too awks when she goes back to work! Really well done!

    • Hi Deryn,

      Thanx for the feedback.
      I think there are many people texting people they shouldn’t be and I wanted to show how quickly it can turn into something more.

      Melanie πŸ™‚

    • Hi Melanie. It was lovely to read one of your feel good stories again. And well done in pulling it off in such record time πŸ˜‰ I liked the salon setting. It’s always weirdly intimate and emotionally charged – maybe it’s just me, but I think having your hair cut is always a big deal. I was so happy she and Wes patched things up. Sometimes we just need a fresh haircut and some fresh perspective!

      • Hi Chantelle,
        I’m running out of ideas for reflections to appear in – so I am glad that you enjoyed the salon setting.
        I agree that a new haircut can be a catalyst for change when you are feeling stale.
        I am now off to read your story.
        Thanks for finding me and reading me.
        Melanie xox

    • We had similar ideas for our stories! I have a habit of chopping my hair off every few years, it feels so good. I think you captured marriage well. I think we all tend to take our partners for granted from time to time. It’s a lot easier to seek out something new than to put effort into what we’ve got. The MC’s reflections were spot on.

      • Hi Marta,

        Yes, we did have similar ideas. I too use my hair as a way of keeping from feeling boring and stale.
        Thank you for reading and commenting.

        Melanie
        πŸ™‚

  • Hi Kim,

    Thanx for your thoughts.
    I understand that you would have difficulty keeping up with everything in such a short piece of fiction – and that is something to consider as I move forward. However, if I was writing an Epic Fantasy (which is what this will be) the names and titles are exactly what people expect.
    I will take a look at my…[Read more]

  • Hi Chantel,

    All the creatures and titles are completely my own creation. It’s one of the reasons I love writing high fantasy.
    Most of the names I have created are based off Belgium names so they all have the same feel.
    If you would like to read more, my first story for the year was also set in the same land.

    Thank you for reading and I…[Read more]

  • Hi Debbie,

    Thank you for reading and the encouraging comments.
    I do understand the new names and titles can be tricky – it comes with the territory of fantasy, but I appreciate that you were hooked enough to keep going.
    Cheers.

  • A simple ‘slice of life’ story that used the prompt well.
    The boredom of folding all of those pants was real.
    I wish you would have described the wearing of the pants a little more – that sound as they rub together when you walk. I don’t remember much about the 70’s (I was a child) but I remember the sound of corduroy pants.
    The short, sharp…[Read more]

  • ‘The black army stood in tight formation,’ very vivid imagery in places. Well done.

    Clever use of the prompt of an unexpected ending made this story enjoyable from beginning to end.

    A few errors but overall you did great – especially if it was last minute.

    Melanie

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Melanie Delaney

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@melanie-delaney

active 1 day, 22 hours ago