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  • Nicole A story every parent can relate to as the fairy tale and telling it side.

    It was well constructed with an edge of seat conclusion.
    The punctuation in the dialogue you can easily fix and you kept Mr. Slater adverbially happy

    Well done

  • Mia
    Brilliant opening sentence grabbed me from the start.
    The story is well constructed. Great descriptions.

  • Michael,
    Another gripping instalment. Where do you get the names from?

  • Honey,
    Great use of the genre and a very poignant letter.

    Opportunity here to have Mom reply and maybe use the letters as bridging pieces in a larger work around Anna’s move and life in Italy?

    Well done

  • Paul,
    A great take on the prompt with current challenges viewed differently.
    It is always difficult to find issue with your work, as it is always well crafted.

  • JAne a great addition to the story. I agree with most of the comments.
    You could tighten up getting rid of a few adverbs (surprised JP didn’t say anything) e.g After eating at a painfully slow pace could be replaced with After nibbling through her croissant

    Still great twist in the story and John doesn’t have to be liked. Well done

  • Well ealine,
    Its almost all been said – except for the Easter Eggs.
    I believe you have Patek (Philip) , (Jaeger le ) Coultre, Benson (Watches) and (Armour) Winston a shop who sells some of these brands.
    It took me a while I will admit and a few reads to finally trip over them.

  • Half the Base Times the Height by Mark Patterson

    #

    The Geometry lesson is so boring. Why can’t the teacher make it more exciting? Go SciFi. Just imagine this-

    I open the door to reveal a body, about 1.8m tall w […]

    • What a fun take on the prompt, Mark. Very imaginative. I had to read this line a few times to figure out what you were saying: “Mine is a square and if you look at your head, which is a cone, face on you are what?” And you don’t need an apostrophe in ““Area 51’s they’re all the same.” The apostrophe denotes that what follows belongs to 51 or that there’s something missing as in ’51 is’. ’51s, they’re all the same’ would be right. Maths was my worst subject at school. I have no idea how, but at O level I passed by using the Pythagoras theorem for EVERYTHING! So I totally related to the poor lost conehead.

    • Hi Mark,

      I concur with Elaine.
      As soon as the daydream started, I was there in the class bored to tears with what was going on, but in my head sparks were flying.
      There are a few areas – no pun intended – where the story can be tightened, but I suspect you hurried this one and you can easily see the gaps on a re-read.

      Thank you for sharing.

      Keep writing.

      Cheers,
      Paul

    • Hi Mark, a comical take on the prompt for sure. It was funny and different and I enjoyed it. It could do with a little tidying up – as Elaine has mentioned this sentence is quite hard to read: Mine is a square and if you look at your head, which is a cone, face on you are what?”
      I also found it a bit confusing that you kept referring to “they” (plural) when in the beginning you described one being – a body, about 1.8m tall with a conical green head and wire glasses.
      Well done and thanks for sharing:)

  • Jane some great descriptions in this episode. I agree with Deryn on the sentence length.Well done

  • Jes
    A great story. I liked the three view points. That worked well for me.
    I would have liked in Graceys part to know that Jack had followed her to me he just appeared and I had to work out how he had got there.

    Well done

  • Peggy,
    Well done. Your portrayal of the frightened daughter and military dad is stunning. I particularly liked the descriptions of the under highway accommodation, you had the smell rank in my nose. A great coherent tale well structured. There were a couple of adverbs that you could eliminate but that is minor.
    I didn’t read it with the music…[Read more]

  • Catherine, A great story that is thoroughly enjoyable. You took us on a roller coaster of emotions. Very glad it wasn’t a happy ending.
    Loved all the descriptions especially the German and his coffee.

  • SM A timely tale for you in the USA and us here in South Africa where corruption is being exposed daily.
    I thought it was well written with good descriptions of the political to and fro.
    Well done

  • Good luck with it Marilyn. Trying new genre’s is the beauty of this site. Area52 I have done one story as science fiction but may change it to be a continuation of the what I wish I said from last month. This time next week will show what I went with

  • Kathy
    Well constructed story. I found the dialogue very real and natural.
    Great twist at the end.

  • Marilyn
    Well congratulations. You have done more of the exercises than I have.
    The story is interesting and certainly pursuable for the Area52 prompt.
    I read it a few times looking for the goals and conflict. The point of exercise 7 was to have the character change their goal You might need to make Kair more dismissive of Dove after the…[Read more]

  • Paul, a different story from you this month. Well done I enjoyed it.
    I did need to think a little before making the connection that Martha is Mum but making the connection is easy.
    Loved the description of Dad typing. When I grew up in St. Helens, the sports reporter for the local paper Tom Ashcroft, used to set at his dining table with a…[Read more]

  • Martin a brilliant piece. The autumnal descriptions are excellent. The moving betweeen past and present worked well. The descriptions of Venice are spot on.
    Great use of the prompt

  • A gripping tale here Athina. I want to know what happens next.
    Have a think about this sentence “I’ve done my duty so I’d better go now. Thankfully you won’t remember any of this if and when you wake up – which is just as well. I still want my well-paid job in your company – bye for now.” The footsteps fade away, together with the overpowering…[Read more]

  • Elaine a pleasing and different tale. I liked the nuances of Romeo’s feelings to Juliet’s thinking ability.
    Loved the description of Oily and the dragon.
    Scope to continue with this one I feel

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Mark

@markp

active 1 week, 3 days ago
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