• “I can’t believe Liz is ignoring even your message, Gary.  That’s just not like her.  Something’s wrong, I feel it in my bones,” said Katie.

    Gary looked up from his catalog and nodded.

    “Maybe you should also l […]

    • Marilyn – well done. I suspected from your writing that the guy was a cop and appreciated that you called it a Sheriff’s Office and not department. You got this! Your story is intriguing, made me want to read more. You obviously had previously introduced tension and this scene intensifies it. Your writing creates future change and could provide resolution – all important things. I like the cats, I too, am a cat person, also retired Sheriff’s Office/Emergency Management Director so I identify with this type of story and writing style. Good job Marilyn!

    • hi Marilyn
      I’m glad we are getting closer to what is happening with Liz. I am surprised that Tomi doesn’t want to be in on it, but I guess she’s overwhelmed with other stuff. The action scene was done well, going around the back, hand on the gun, the terrible smell, you built up the tension very well up to the end.
      Really good scene.

    • Hi Marilyn
      What a great idea to have Ash go over to see what’s going on! I get a feeling (hopefulness?) that shes got far more of a part to play in the coming scenes. Why waste a good ghost?
      This is really moving things along, the mystery has strengthened even more and I’m thinking that maybe the letters that Tomi has might be what Liz’s captors are after?
      Great scene, well paced and sooo intriguing!

    • Marilyn…
      First the dogs, and now the cats?? What are you doing to us??And poor Liz! I’m glad Gary went with Katie, but …how does he know where Liz lives??
      Great job working Ash into a more active role, AND having Tomi hang back. She’s really been through it!
      I’m going to step outside for a minute…that litter box smell is overwhelming! great writing!
      G

  • I love the reflective nature of this scene. Amy and Fiona were excellent in bouncing ideas back and forth and allowing Amy to come up with a plan she felt somewhat comfortable with. I’m just not sure that Carrie will ever see Amy as trustworthy again. Can’t wait to read more. This is the point at which I had a book in my hands and could keep reading!

  • This is great! Seems as though Brianna and James are painted into a corner.
    I anticipate James showing up, probably in the height of the storm and where do we go from there?
    A chase throughout the house with no lights?
    Spooky! Scary!
    Can’t wait!

  • Thanks, Georgiana, for continuing to read and comment.
    Now that Barnum and Bailey are back, I have to resolve the other two situations and wind it all up in the remaining chapters. EEEK!

  • Thanks, Sudra, for reading and commenting.
    You hit the nail on the head about Ash….she’s a visual extension of Tomi’s thought process!
    Now that the dogs are back, I have two other issues to wind up in 13 scenes and that is a scary proposition!
    Someone yesterday suggested writing out the ending and working into it. Might even work!

  • Thanks, Anne, for your helpful comments.
    Yes, I had trouble recalling the correct name for Sherlocks head dress. Thanks. 🙂
    Now I have to figure how to budget the 13 or so scenes till the end.
    I think there’s a class upcoming on writing the end.
    Also, at yesterday’s writing session, someone said to try and write a suggested ending and work…[Read more]

  • At first I thought I liked the Option 1 and didn’t want to consider another. But after reading the Option 2, I liked that even more as there is the aspect of someone who may or may not remember Tessa’s mother from a first hand recollection.
    I felt a twinge when Tessa remembered how long her son’s hair was getting when she saw him and felt…[Read more]

  • Liz leaned on the window sill, dizzy and unsteady on her feet.  Earlier today when Phoenix came in with her breakfast, she had her pills carefully lined up along with a cup of that awful tasting juice.  When Liz c […]

    • Hi Marilyn
      A really good scene, interesting and intriguing. What’s happening to poor Liz? and Maria??
      Tomi has some hard thinking to do. I enjoyed seeing Ash again, and I think the character could be extended in very useful ways, but maybe you have plans for her. (By the way, Sherlock’s hat is a deerstalker, a very distinctive nit of headgear and always associated with him.)
      The writing’s smooth and the scenes flow well, good stuff!

      • Thanks, Anne, for your helpful comments.
        Yes, I had trouble recalling the correct name for Sherlocks head dress. Thanks. 🙂
        Now I have to figure how to budget the 13 or so scenes till the end.
        I think there’s a class upcoming on writing the end.
        Also, at yesterday’s writing session, someone said to try and write a suggested ending and work into it.
        I think that’s called planning…..and I’m not doing so well at that. LOL

        • Oh, join the club, sister! I’ve written the end for Carrie and Amy and have what I gaily call a plan for Melanie, but the rest is still spaghetti!

    • hi Marilyn
      It’s nice to see Ash–I see her more as an embodied thought process for Tomi.
      The early part about Liz was very hairy and you did that extremely well–the mystery of what is happening to her is very interesting.
      Also, Tomi is now placed in the position of helping Maria even though she’s too scared to seek it.
      Great scene to keep the questions going!

      • Thanks, Sudra, for reading and commenting.
        You hit the nail on the head about Ash….she’s a visual extension of Tomi’s thought process!
        Now that the dogs are back, I have two other issues to wind up in 13 scenes and that is a scary proposition!
        Someone yesterday suggested writing out the ending and working into it. Might even work!

    • Oh my! What do all these nefarious folks want with our small town ladies? First Liz is being drugged and abused, and now Maria, once so confident and happy is a mess! And Tomi needs to figure it all out! I wonder which of her three potential helpers she’ll enlist… Ray, Cody or ….Enricho??
      and Hi Ash! good of you to drop in. But the pipe is yucky!
      you are doing a great job at keeping this a page turner Marilyn!
      G

      • Thanks, Georgiana, for continuing to read and comment.
        Now that Barnum and Bailey are back, I have to resolve the other two situations and wind it all up in the remaining chapters. EEEK!

  • Sara stood by the sink, rubber gloves to her elbows, as she sloshed soapy water over the pots.

    “Hell-O,” came an irritated voice from the other side of the room.

    “Oh, I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” sa […]

    • A touching and loving story. Thank you for posting it.

    • Hi Marilyn,
      What a beautiful story. I was moved by it. Sara seems to have had a hard life. A very poignant twist at the end though. Thank you for a lovely read.

    • Marilyn,
      Nice twist on the prompt….we don’t always inherit only good things.
      Sara is a well developed character and being such a fan of your writing, I’d like to see more of the story!
      This caught me up a bit: work ethic and both were employed outside the home….that phrasing is usually reserved for moms… not that it has to be, but it took me out of the text for a moment. Ending the sentence after “employed” would fix it!
      Great writing, as always.
      G

  • Thanks, Anne.
    I’m not sure what comes next because while I have a good idea of where the story needs to go, I am having problems budgeting the episodes.
    It was so much easier at the beginning…..but maybe it wasn’t …. my memory might be forgetting.
    It seems the story can flow, but it will need a lot of work during the editing to bring out…[Read more]

  • Sorry about how long it’s taking me to catch up on my reading, but this was a great scene.
    It showed the dynamics of friendship.
    Bernadette seemed committed to saving Jen.
    Jen started feeling guilty about her own shortcomings.
    I’m wondering how much of Bernadette’s help is because she’s not telling Jen all she knows?
    Love the way this story…[Read more]

  • Being a crowd hater, myself, I could feel Nancy’s discomfort at being present at this gathering.
    Let alone the fact that what is being encouraged is abhorrent to her values.
    Can’t wait to see how this ties in with the rest of the story.

  • Great scene, combining the growing closeness between Brianna and James with the excitement of Liam being unaware of their arrival.
    I am so waiting to see what happens when the storm hits and they all three are probably in the house together!
    Can’t wait!

  • What a horribly exciting scene!
    You ratcheted the tension up to a heightened level, showing what a crazy monster Horton was.
    But as they say, when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.
    Melanie has gotten to the point of no return, I believe.
    She has been abused her entire life and this may have been the proverbial straw that…[Read more]

  • Katie was all in favor of giving Liz a call and going over to see her with Tomi; especially when she heard about the reception Tomi had gotten.

    She dialed Liz’ number and winced when she reached a robotic r […]

    • Hi Marilyn
      Well, that was a turn-up. I imagined Maria as sensible, well-orgnised and a superb business woman and now she’s mingling with criminals and may be about to lose everything. And what’s happening to poor Liz? Why give us a little suspense when you can pile it on with a trowel?? Well done, I’m now ll gagging to see how all this gets tied up.
      A couple of typos but otherwise all is good!

    • Thanks, Anne.
      I’m not sure what comes next because while I have a good idea of where the story needs to go, I am having problems budgeting the episodes.
      It was so much easier at the beginning…..but maybe it wasn’t …. my memory might be forgetting.
      It seems the story can flow, but it will need a lot of work during the editing to bring out more emotions and make the characters more real to life.
      Oh well, not bad for a first novel, right?

    • SM replied 2 weeks ago

      Hi Marilyn,
      We’re finally catching up with Maria. I tried to figure out how Maria knew Enricho–Did she meet him at Tomi’s diner? Or does she have another connection?
      I’d forgotten about David Parente–Perhaps a little bit of a reminder as to who he is and what Maria’s tie to him was about. And now we’re left to figure out whether this mystery about David Parente is tied to the mystery with Liz and her sudden unavailability. I like the little pieces everywhere and we will have to wait to see how you put them together.

    • Marilyn,
      The plot starts to unfold. I’m glad Maria talked to Tomi, and now we know why we were so worried about Enricho. I hope Tomi can figure out a way to help Maria. The upscale cars and the “takeover” of the B & B feel so scary! All following a murder! Glad to have another scene to read!
      G

  • Thanks for reading and bringing up some good points.
    “Give me a couple of days…….” was actually said by Cody.
    The formatting of the page makes it a little difficult at times to continue one person speaking.
    I hate to keep saying “said Tomi” or “said Cody”.
    In an earlier scene, Cody and Tomi were in her bedroom and he saw a picture she…[Read more]

  • Thanks for bringing up some good points. I am still struggling with how to write several paragraphs where the same person is speaking. Mia had suggested breaking it up with some movement between paragraphs and I’m trying to do that. Tomi has every girls wish….two eligible guys pursuing her. Both, unfortunately, are career minded. Who knows?

  • There were earlier scenes when Tomi was shown to have been working in a PI office before coming to open the diner. There was also a scene between her and Cody where she had a picture on her night table and Cody recognized it as the place he had proposed to her, but she turned him down. They had some previous history together. Thanks for reading…[Read more]

  • Uh Oh!
    A storm and catastrophic meeting between Liam and Brianna and James.
    Seems that Liam was raised with expectations of being the Golden Child which expectations never materialized.
    Envy is a green eyed monster and he didn’t ever learn to appreciate what he had.
    Wonder if Liam bolts when they arrive?
    Heaven forbid that they all three have…[Read more]

  • Beginning to sink in to Tessa’s mind that Henry might be lying to her?
    Bits and pieces to fill in to expand the story but I’m wondering where Henry is supposedly getting the money.
    Also wondering how all this uncertainty is affecting the children.
    How can Tessa balance out the country club membership with the fact that they don’t even have a…[Read more]

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Marilyn Weisman

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@marilyn-weisman

Active 17 hours, 39 minutes ago
Short Story : 9
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WTC : 16
52 Scenes : 37
Dialogue : 0
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