• Toward the end, Tessa says that she’s not going home, not now, not ever and then a few sentences later she says she needs a few more days. Is this deliberate to show her wavering or is this just to get Henry to leave?
    If she stays will she be able to straighten out the inconsistencies in the story she was told?
    Will she need to do more…[Read more]

  • I’m enjoying the way these two are learning more about one another.
    Private things that good friends alone would share.
    I like that Alphonse is getting Mike to loosen up a bit and I loved when he grabbed his shoe and ran with it.
    Almost like children…returning to their innocence.
    But I’m seeing a foreshadowing of Mike’s questioning his…[Read more]

  • Oh, this is one frightening scene.
    His insanity is really revving….full moon?
    The way he treated Curtis is enough for me to want to toss him to the sharks!
    Where is James? Where are they headed?
    And the bum even kept the change from $40!
    I’m hoping against hope that there was a police car to nab him for the red light he passed!
    Edge of…[Read more]

  • Interesting scenes.

    Horton ratchets up the guilt with Melanie in the second scene.
    Becomes insulting and almost demanding that Melanie give up any social life with people her own age or even her family.

    In the first scene, to me it seems rather strange that Horton wants to be called ‘Auntie’?
    That seems awkward, but Melanie has said she…[Read more]

  • I would be wondering, as perhaps is Kate, where Matt’s sudden influx of money came from.
    He didn’t say. But he still is skilled at twisting and turning, while he owes her the money, he’s making it sound like a favor.
    Still, Kate needs the money and I don’t know that she has a lot of choices.
    The scene carried the usual skilled descriptions,…[Read more]

  • I sat at my desk looking at my calendar, realizing as I did, that many of the tasks I had been having to attend to had been taken over by Enricho.  That freed up my time immensely.   I still wasn’t totally sure […]

    • Hi Marilyn
      I’m loving the sense of busyness in Tomi’s life, she certainly doesn’t sit around waiting for things to happen, she gets out there and greets them.
      Now, in addition to the suspense about B and B, we’ve got something in the coffee, and Maria seems unusually distant with poor Tomi. Liz’s story is getting more intriguing and I’m looking forward to hearing it. There’s also the dilemma about Ray and Cody. Well, if you’re going to pile it on, pile it high, Marilyn!
      Feel free to ignore (as ever) but I think this sentence could be clearer “She became very quiet and as strong a woman as I have known her to be, I saw tears trickling from her eyes.”
      Another good scene, glad we finally got a mention of the dogs!

    • Hi Marilyn, I got so excited when I saw the photo, guessing from it that Liz would be awake and able to talk. I have to confess I am a little surprised that Tomi didn’t press Liz a little bit more about what happened. She clearly knows that it wasn’t an accident and as a friend/colleague, I expected her to encourage Liz to talk to someone about who did this to her if only to make sure that she’ll be safe. I like that you’re teasing us by having Liz keeping quiet for now but I just expected Tomi, given how inquisitive she is, to try a little harder to get it out of her.
      On the love front, the fact that Tomi is questioning the nature of her relationship with Ray in light of Cody being back in time makes for great reading – I just can’t wait to see how that progresses 🙂

  • I’m enjoying the expansion of the plot.
    Needless to say, being a small dog ‘parent’, I loved the addition of the poodle (which, BTW, is one of the lesser allergic types, I believe…mine are Yorkies, don’t shed and no allergies).
    Back to the story…I have a funny feeling Manetta is possibly planning on having them work together, as it appears…[Read more]

  • Wink-wink…I won’t. Thanks for ‘clue”.

  • Thanks, Ben, for your suggestions. I could go back and add some steam, I’m just really careful to stick to the guidelines of a ‘cozy’, but, I agree, I did want to let the reader know that he had spent the night, so I’ll have to work on it. I can’t do romance as well as you, though… 🙂 I do intend to confuse Tomi a bit between boyfriends;…[Read more]

  • Local ‘vernacular’ is something another writing teacher showed us last year. I thought I’d try it out.
    He and Tomi used to be a ‘thing’ and then something happened….now he’s back.
    I was trying to show the way he acts toward Tomi as compared to Ray…
    Glad you liked the scene. Thanks!

  • 🙂 That would be lovely…tea and cookies!
    Perhaps someday Mia will arrange for us all to meet up somewhere for a live and in person group of sessions!

  • Wow! What a scene.
    Does Kate have an innate knack for finding unavailable men?
    Somehow I don’t feel that Anais is his daughter….but I could be wrong….
    Matt is quite the character, even offering to do away with Saleem, but I still don’t trust him.
    Curious to know what happens next. Could make for some awkward scenes on board.

  • Oh! No! Not the dog!!!
    What a creepy end to this scene, indeed!
    I was enjoying the break and the fun Brianna was having with her brother and his husband, thinking this was just what she needed and then POW, she returns to exactly what she was trying to escape.
    What does she do?
    Great scene!!! Now I have to wait another week to read…[Read more]

  • A well structured scene.
    Has me wondering if Melanie is going to break down as the questioning continues.
    I’m now wondering if Melanie sees herself as a victim; both from her uncle and then from Barbara Horton.
    This would have some heavy undertones when she is pressed to describe relationships.
    I’m wondering if Carrie will actually pressure…[Read more]

  • A lot of ground covered in this episode.
    Since this is just planning, you could elaborate, but I wonder what Tessa would research to determine that was the spot where the plane crashed? Newspaper articles? Journal entries from Granny?
    I think the storm you mentioned would tie in with the story and the weather the night of the crash.
    You…[Read more]

  • A few punctuation corrections, but that small bit aside, it was a gripping scene and drew me right into the action and I got a glimpse of some backstory as well.
    This seems to be a place where bodies have been found in the past and there is something involving Carley’s sister that haunts her.
    I am very anxious to read more.

  • Sorry my sentence didn’t make itself clear. “Grabbing a for-the-road set of mugs, …..” I just meant to convey that they were taking their coffee with them.
    Thank you for reading and commenting on my scene!

  • You remind me of Paul Slater (and that’s a good thing).
    I guess I didn’t make it clear enough that Cody slept over?
    I was thinking just tonight how this is a first draft and while I am actually wanting to give more depth to the characters, this is basically to get the story down and then I’ll go back and rewrite the entire thing. Funny how I…[Read more]

  • After the crowd cleared out of the diner, Katie came over to me with a big smile.

    “I told you.  I was standing there writing down Mrs. Branson’s order and it came right back to me.  The Owl Tree Motel […]

    • Really enjoyed reading this, it was a nice easy read. Just the last sentence doesn’t make sense?
      Grabbing a for the road set of mugs, I poured us some coffee to go and locking my door carefully, went out and got in Katie’s car and we set off for the diner

    • Hello Marilyn, This scene really adds to the character and gives Tomi more dimension. I like that she has found her “friend” character, and will provide interesting conflict with the love interest. Also, because it is the topic for this months writing class, please consider more “show don’t tell’. For example, there are a few adverbs that could be replaced with stronger verbs and action (fondly, quickly, quickly, shyly, carefully). It would be nice to have a little heat between Cody and Tomi, esp as they are discussing their past in the bedroom – I know, cozy mystery, but still maybe a spark?
      Thanks for sharing, Carolyn

      • You remind me of Paul Slater (and that’s a good thing).
        I guess I didn’t make it clear enough that Cody slept over?
        I was thinking just tonight how this is a first draft and while I am actually wanting to give more depth to the characters, this is basically to get the story down and then I’ll go back and rewrite the entire thing. Funny how I came and read your post and my head was nodding in agreement!.
        Thanks, Carolyn!

    • Sorry my sentence didn’t make itself clear. “Grabbing a for-the-road set of mugs, …..” I just meant to convey that they were taking their coffee with them.
      Thank you for reading and commenting on my scene!

    • Marilyn….
      Tomi Tomi Tomi! no one said she and Ray were exclusive, but oh my, is Cody ever coming across hot!! You used some unusual words for his dialogue…
      first he (in true Texas style! )dismounted from the driver’s side, then ““You’re disarming, Tomi. ” and then here: “you had a relish for a good T-bone rare, “…great to use vocabulary for dialogue.
      His concern..”Tomi, tell me what you want me to do. How involved do you want me to become? I don’t want to step on any local toes in law enforcement, but I can see you are pretty upset.” makes it pretty clear Tomi hasn’t told him EVERYTHING… So glad he alerted Katie so Roy didn’t have to come looking! Great addition to the story!

      G

      • Local ‘vernacular’ is something another writing teacher showed us last year. I thought I’d try it out.
        He and Tomi used to be a ‘thing’ and then something happened….now he’s back.
        I was trying to show the way he acts toward Tomi as compared to Ray…
        Glad you liked the scene. Thanks!

    • Hi Marilyn, what a brilliant scene! I loved the natural familiarity that Codi and Tomi fell straight back into and how you introduced how serious their relationship had been through the photo, very cleverly done. Cody’s voice and character are also so well done and distinctive – I like him a lot already!
      I only have one tiny suggestion and it’s about the blind spot between their warm embrace and her waking up the next day noticing she was alone. I was left a little bit confused as to what happened, did Cody stay the night (or part of it), did they take it further than a warm embrace? I think I’d have liked a small clue there as to which way the evening went as it can be interpreted in so many different ways.
      That’s just a tiny thing though and I absolutely loved this scene and the fact that Cody is now also on the case, which I think will help greatly but also create some delicious tensions with Ray 🙂

      • Thanks, Ben, for your suggestions. I could go back and add some steam, I’m just really careful to stick to the guidelines of a ‘cozy’, but, I agree, I did want to let the reader know that he had spent the night, so I’ll have to work on it. I can’t do romance as well as you, though… 🙂 I do intend to confuse Tomi a bit between boyfriends; however, there’s a lot of decisions she’s going to have to make by the end of the story. In several series of cozies, the female MC has more than one love interest….so…..I have to decide which way to go. Ray and Tomi are not ‘exclusive’….Ray has his job which is Tomi’s competition for the most part….but, again, thanks for helping shake up the thoughts I’ve had myself about this aspect. And thanks for keeping up with my story!

    • Hi Marilyn,
      It wasn’t clear to me that Cody had spent the night, nor that Tomi and Roy are not exclusive. I’m not sure that we need to know that they are not exclusive up front–you can save it for another scene so that the reader can worry about Tomi and her decision to stray…was it just temptation of Cody himself? Or was it that she doesn’t really get what she needs from Roy? In the next edit you can add some details so that it’s clear he spent the night, perhaps she finds his socks in the corner or his belt under her bed? Something like that. I hope at some point we get to see her feelings for Cody and how they compare to her feelings for Roy.

      i did spend the beginning of the scene wondering who Cody was and what he did. It would be nice to learn about his profession earlier. The backstory of their history can be a discovery later in the scene as you have it.
      You added some great color in the dialogue, I picked up that he had a southern influence in his speech.
      Really good scene!

    • Anne replied 1 week ago

      Hi Marilyn
      I must have a dirty mind because I knew immediately that Cody had spent the night, and not on the sofa. I thought it was good to keep this bit brief because it offers up possibilities for Tomi to reflect in an idle moment on what had happened between them and how she’s feeling now. You can put the steam in there!
      This is perhaps and English/American thing but I didn’t get “You’re disarming, Tomi. Looking good!” Still, it’s set in America, your call, and an education for us Brits!
      I’m looking forward to seeing how the complication with Cody/Ray works out, and I’m looking forward even more to Barnum and Bailey turning up unharmed. This is a hint….

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Marilyn Weisman

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