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  • ‘Have you spoken to Cedric recently?’ Theresa asked from behind the double plated glass, speaking into the receiver that linked her to where Miriam sat.

    ‘No, actually I meant to tell you that he was killed in a […]

  • Chapter 5

    Clinton nervously rounded the corner near the school. He carefully lifted the rusted latch of the side gate rushing to get to the school hall for the Monday morning assembly that commenced at 7.30 am.  […]

  • Laura Kirsten and Profile picture of AniaAnia are now friends 1 week, 2 days ago

  • Hi Ania thank you so much for your kind comments and observations. I appreciate your feedback. Kindest regards Laura

  • Hi Kathy Thank for your regular weekly feedback and important observations. This feedback makes me think about my story structure and timing. Many thanks for your continued interest. Kindest regards Laura

  • Hi Elise Thank you for your wonderful feedback every week. I appreciate your very important questions and observations. I will certainly use them as my story continues.Thank you for your insight and suggestions. Kindest regards Laura

  • Chapter 4

    The coffee shop was noisy and waiters scurried around like squirrels to meet the needs of all their patrons. Sarah had already been waiting for twenty minutes. As nervous as she was, she couldn’t p […]

    • Hi Laura,
      I enjoyed the lively dialogue and the setting feels alive. I would really like even a small description of Sarah’s appearance, as perhaps a way to understand why she would stand out among all of Clinton’s groupies. He seems extremely invested in getting close to her quickly. Yet her personality is self-effacing– and I can’t help but wonder why he is pursuing her so single-mindedly.
      It certainly continues to be absorbing to think of Clinton’s trajectory in his life– to contrast the pain in his childhood with his obvious soaring success.
      Best,
      Elise

      • Hi Elise Thank you for your wonderful feedback every week. I appreciate your very important questions and observations. I will certainly use them as my story continues.Thank you for your insight and suggestions. Kindest regards Laura

    • Laura, what a delightful first date. I like how you are sprinkling in some of Sarah’s backstory little by little, without a hint of “telling.” The time references at the beginning confused me a little, until I realized she was super-early. Funny how she was only going to give him 10 more minutes at 10 minutes before their meeting time. Good showing of one of her personality quirks. I wonder if she will end up going to Cape Town with him.

      • Hi Kathy Thank for your regular weekly feedback and important observations. This feedback makes me think about my story structure and timing. Many thanks for your continued interest. Kindest regards Laura

    • Hi Laura, You’re using dialogue very effectively. It flows in an easy, natural way, which adds to the story. We know a bit more about the characters. I also like the point of view, we can clearly see that it is Sarah’s perspective. Well done

  • Hi Brian You have certainly visited many interesting places. You share a lot of detail and the accurate names of the places that you have been to. I look forward to reading about more visits and life changing events as you share your life experiences with us. Well done.

  • I have such sympathy for Eve. The hostility that you have created between her and her colleagues is excellent. Well written.I look forward to future scenes and finally seeing Eve triumph over the ‘evil twins’ and their plans.

  • Hi Kathy
    So… Cilla’s actions are quite shocking now… quite a twist you have there in your plot. Sally and Red’s meeting is quite lovely. I wonder if Mr Syracuse will be watching Cilla’s movements as well now. Interesting reading. I look forward to more shocking revelations. Well done.

  • Hi Nadine I am enjoying your honest story telling in this memoir.I look forward to reading about your ongoing journey. Well done.

  • Aaaah I love Miah. She has spunk and determination which was definitely not appreciated of girls or women those days. I enjoy the tone of your language, quite formal, that creates distance between your characters. Miah is the breath of fresh air in your story. Perhaps she will be the heroine who brings freedom to her women peers. Your details in…[Read more]

  • Robin has all my sympathy, Carolyn. The Murphy’s are something else. I love how you portray the pomposity of Robin’s in-laws. I look forward to seeing Robin triumph in your scenes. Well written.

  • Hi Laura

    I love your strong women characters in your scenes. I will continue reading until the mystery of the guilty party is revealed. I enjoy the mystery and the fast pace of your writing. I agree with Kathy’s comment about the references to the Slack channel. Perhaps some further explanation will help us to understand a bit better. Well written.

  • Thank you so much Yogani. I appreciate your kind feedback.

  • Hi Elise
    Thank you so much for your kind comments once again Elise. We are all learning new things together with every scene that we write and from the feedback from those who read them. Thank you for your continued kindness.
    Regards Laura

  • Hi Kathy thank you so much for reading my scene. I appreciate your constructive advice and suggestions for this piece. I will work through them. Many thanks for the compliments as well. Kind regards Laura

  • Laura Kirsten changed their profile picture 2 weeks, 5 days ago

  • Chapter 3

    Sarah settled into her seat, five rows from the stage. The burgundy fabric of the theatre chairs brought back a flood of mixed memories. The theatre had been her favourite place since early childhood. […]

    • How interesting to see a whole new point of view and Clinton all grown up as an accomplished singer. It creates intrigue and suspense to learn how he got there, and to possibly learn about it together with Sarah as their relationship develops.

      A few nitpicky details:
      – The first paragraph is long. Maybe the childhood memory can be shortened and a new paragraph started with “Eight years ago.” There could be a bit of dialogue or showing of what’s going on around her between paragraphs.
      – The second sentence paints a vivid picture of the theater. Might not be necessary to mention the color of the seat a second time near the end of that section.
      – ‘I would love to,’ are you crazy? No lovey- dovey stuff, you silly women. ‘ – Is “I would love to” her first response and the rest her inner thought chastising herself before writing a cooler response? Some fiddling with the punctuation and italics might make it clearer.
      – Beginning of the third section, at first I thought it was the morning after the first theater scene but then concluded it was the morning after the text exchange in the second scene.

      I enjoyed reading all of this, above are just small things that slowed me down a bit that could be easily tweaked. At the end, I found myself wondering if we are still in South Africa, or maybe Paris with him calling her “Mademoiselle.”

      The behavior of the elegant woman at the theater is entertaining, especially how she waved her hand.

      Lots of reasons here to turn the page and read more!

      • Hi Kathy thank you so much for reading my scene. I appreciate your constructive advice and suggestions for this piece. I will work through them. Many thanks for the compliments as well. Kind regards Laura

    • Hi Laura,
      I appreciate how your scenes– though unique from one another and not chronological– create the impression of whole lives in the characters. I would think that this is very hard to do, and makes me think highly accomplished authors. I am carried away by the fact that Clinton goes from rather a wretched childhood to a world-class career, and your writing makes it believable.
      I’m very much enjoying the unfolding of your story!
      Best,
      Elise

      • Hi Elise
        Thank you so much for your kind comments once again Elise. We are all learning new things together with every scene that we write and from the feedback from those who read them. Thank you for your continued kindness.
        Regards Laura

  • Hi June Thank you for your kind feedback and for your observation about the cats.You are so right…they would have followed her into the house. Well spotted. Regards Laura

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Laura Kirsten

Profile picture of Laura Kirsten

@laurak12

Active 5 hours, 38 minutes ago
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