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  • “Zach? Zach, is that you?”

    “Shhh! Idiot!” Zach whispered. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

    “Jonny put me on guard duty for second shift. I’m here to relieve you. Why are you making me whisper?”

    “The […]

    • Hey Kenneth,

      Definitely a lot to unpack in a small space here, not only it being a battle but a battle/war with supernatural elements, which I didn’t expect (in a good way, I like the addition of the supernatural into unexpected places). I had to read it a few times to catch everything, which isn’t a bad thing either. Your warning could be more specific, as in violence and swearing. I would say it could be a larger piece without the suicide at the end, unless you continued the story from a different point of view. Interesting stuff here, thanks for sharing!

    • A sad but realistic portrayal of the grim realities of war. Your piece had a good pace and flowed well, holding my attention till the very end. I noticed a few typos here and there, but that’s easily corrected with a little more attention to proofreading 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story!

    • Hi Kenneth,
      Definitly a good story, could be a part to a bigger plot which i would love to read.
      I feel muskets still have a small presence in the fantasy world, definitly liked how you did it.
      Thanks for sharing

    • Hi Kenneth
      Interesting description of a battlefield. It brought to question discussions of honour and whether it is sweet and right to die for one’s country or cause. I was a little disappointed at not meeting Rederia. Intriguing character!

  • Wow, that was a terrific plot twist at the end! Also, I feel like you wrote about something almost anyone with loved ones can relate to and the topic fits the piece well, in my opinion. Great rising action and climax to the story!

  • Wonderful setup! There was a good level of foreshadowing and you could see where the story was going. I would love to finish reading this to see what happens next and I believe this is exactly what you wanted from your readers!

  • This story had an excellent hook, intriguing tagline, and a great picture – which I now believe was a form of foreshadowing. I really like the randomness of the conversations, very much like you would overhear with groups of people at an event. The flow of the story was very smooth, transitioning through the rising action, climax, and the…[Read more]

  • I really like how different and original this story is. I also feel like this could be the end of the story or you have the opportunity to continue it into something larger. The only constructive criticism is there were a few grammatical issues and misspellings sprinkled throughout, however, very good story overall!!!!

  • Did anyone submit all 12 times last year? I am new to this in 202 and looking for advice.

    • Hello Kenneth, I am new too, signed up in Dec. first submission in January. There’s an overwhelming number of submissions and a spectrum of feedback. I feel that I need to try and find stories or feedback that resonate with me to make some connections. In addition to the discipline of writing a short story of submittable quality, I am really…[Read more]

  • Kenneth Givens changed their profile picture 5 months, 3 weeks ago

Kenneth Givens

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active 4 months, 1 week ago