• thank you for reading it.

  • Good morning Sandy

    Thank you so much for reading my poem. That was exactly my plan. Light can have many different meanings according to one’s perspective.

  • very well done. The demons for me represent depression and the light is you getting out of it.

  • Short and sweet and true

  • Wow, so many emotions that leave questions. Good job

  • So sorry but thanks for writing.

  • Good day

    Thank you so much for reading my poem. Yes, life in all it’s truth is harsh and brutal but ultimately as beautiful as we make it after we get through the mess.

  • She lost it when she refused his advances
    He had a well-paying job, the correct cast and a good family
    But she wasn’t ready for marriage or him
    So he made sure the acid burning her face would take away not only h […]

    • Gosh! I wasn’t expected the ‘weight’ of this at all. I sense a deeply heartfelt story lurking behind here. Your poem has a truth and a sincerity and a lot of bitterness between the words. You managed to pack a lifetime of emotion into these few lines. I never really grasped any rhythm – that was initially my only thought – but on reflection this ‘life’ had no rhythm, no constancy, either, so perhaps it is perfectly suited. A powerful piece of writing.

      • Good day

        Thank you so much for reading my poem. Yes, life in all it’s truth is harsh and brutal but ultimately as beautiful as we make it after we get through the mess.

    • Your poem takes a lot of thought. To me, it shows different kinds of light, love being one of them, and how people react to it differently. At first I thought it was about one person, but then you added the 88 year old and I realized it was different people. I could picture him throwing acid in her face because she didn’t love him. That was a disturbing image. This line: “But love of oneself teaches you that you can’t force others to accept you.” Has so much truth to it, but its not so easy to learn. Thank you for a thought provoking piece.

      • Good morning Sandy

        Thank you so much for reading my poem. That was exactly my plan. Light can have many different meanings according to one’s perspective.

  • Very nice story but is this about bats?

  • Good morning SM

    Firstly, thank you so much for taking time out to read my story. I’m grateful for your honest feedback because other readers have more or less echoed your sentiments. I see now where I blundered and I do think that I can elaborate on the story more. I will do a rework on this story and I’d be honoured if you’d agree to read my…[Read more]

  • I loved your story. Very well written.

  • What a beautiful story. It almost makes me believe in heaven. Great job.

  • I’m just so glad that someone besides me is reading my work and being honest. All the best for your writing too.

  • Good afternoon Zainab

    Thank you so much for reading my story and your honest feedback. I will work on all my errors.

  • Good afternoon Andie

    Firstly thank you for actually reading my story where there are so many others you could have chosen. I’m always happy to get constructive criticism and I see now that I could have shortened the Hail Mary. Yes, the story is about a new wife and mother with a hangover. I will definitely heed your advice to think about making…[Read more]

  • Good day James

    Thank you for reading my story and also pointing out my errors. I have signed up to the link you posted and will definitely correct my errors. Thank you though for enjoying my story.

  • “Hail Mary, full of grace,

    The Lord is with thee

    Blessed art though amongst women

    And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus

    Holy Mary, Mother of God

    Pray for us sinners now

    And at the hour of our d […]

    • I have the feeling that this is a longer story trying to cram itself into 500 words. You have included so much back-story information, that it becomes a little difficult to absorb all the facts. This lead me to missing the twist in the tail, until I went back and re-read it.
      OK – so in a nutshell – agnostic lady with hangover goes to church with religious teetotal mother-in-law, who gives her a hangover remedy. Did I get that right?
      If I may make a suggestion: it’s worthwhile reworking it into a longer piece. You’ve certainly done all the groundwork in creating the characters. It’s worth remembering that introducing too many characters entails using up to many of the few valuable words you have available, when writing flash fiction. Every word needs to pull its weight. For example, you used up 41 of these words in quoting the whole of the “Hail Mary”. Yes, you were setting the scene, but consider whether the first 5 words would have done the trick?
      Please accept my comments as constructive – they’re intended as positive feedback: not negative. I’ve commented in depth, as I feel you have the basics of a good story here.

      • Good afternoon Andie

        Firstly thank you for actually reading my story where there are so many others you could have chosen. I’m always happy to get constructive criticism and I see now that I could have shortened the Hail Mary. Yes, the story is about a new wife and mother with a hangover. I will definitely heed your advice to think about making it something longer.

        • I’m so glad you accepted my feedback as positive.
          Wishing you more power to your pen!

          • I’m just so glad that someone besides me is reading my work and being honest. All the best for your writing too.

    • This was an enjoyable read, and definitely feels like part of a longer story. If it isn’t, it should be. You are building the characters and backstory well, and I can see more to come. There are several areas which need a little more work, mostly with a lack of commas in necessary places, but on a whole it is well-written. This link will hopefully take you to a free aid (can only put in 500 words at a time), which isn’t 100% correct all the time, but will point out the areas which need another glance. Thanks for sharing.

      https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go?utm_source=welcomeseries&utm_medium=email2

      • Good day James

        Thank you for reading my story and also pointing out my errors. I have signed up to the link you posted and will definitely correct my errors. Thank you though for enjoying my story.

    • Hi there. So a couple of things. I think what you have written has great potential, and with more time and work could be made into something else. It had a great beginning but by the end of felt like it was hastily written to get it on the deadline. A few rounds of editing might so wonders.

      • Good afternoon Zainab

        Thank you so much for reading my story and your honest feedback. I will work on all my errors.

    • Hi Jacqueline,
      You have some great ideas for your story and you’ve got a complex family dynamic happening here. It seems that you were going for a slice of life observation rather than a story, which is fine. It’s really hard to figure out what size your story should be to fit the word count. So if you had 2500 words, you could’ve put in more examples of the mother in law, the kids, the night out with friends etc. With 500, you’ve got to narrow down which one you feel like tellings us.
      I agree that you couldn’t gotten away with just the last line of the prayer and we would’ve understood what was happening and that she was in a church.
      At some point, we are going to want to know more about her husband and the whirlwind romance with a “busy” doctor.
      There is a lot here and you can really get some fun illustrations of family life going forward.
      I hope you found this feedback useful.

      • Good morning SM

        Firstly, thank you so much for taking time out to read my story. I’m grateful for your honest feedback because other readers have more or less echoed your sentiments. I see now where I blundered and I do think that I can elaborate on the story more. I will do a rework on this story and I’d be honoured if you’d agree to read my second draft. Thank you again for your feedback.

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Jacqueline

Profile picture of Jacqueline

@jackiem

Active 1 week, 2 days ago
Short Story : 11
Poetry : 11
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0