• Anne,
    I enjoyed your use of dialogue in the story. To keep the audience engaged and the pace moving. Thank you for sharing!

  • Hi Breitweiser,
    Thank you for sharing your scene. No I can feel the tension and sense some gravity, I look forward to learning more about the “hate and secrets.” Good start!

  • I enjoyed your scene David! I could feel the main character running with the sandals flapping and sweat dripping. I also felt the sense of anticipation, his need to reach the bishop. The setting was clear, however, I was unsure of the timeframe. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hi Bev,
    I’ll develop all the characters though i’m not quite sure where I’m going with us, I like the suggestion that a few scenes can be created from this.
    Thank you.

  • Thank you. More character development forthcoming.

  • Thanks for your comments on the main character.

  • Thank you for your comments. I’m not quite sure I’ll go with the story but I’m thinking the breaks will continue.

  • Red flags by Honey

    Wealthy alumni donates money for gala, positioning his  department for greater retention.  The employee who solicited the alumni is friend to his wife, as the couple embark on the most public d […]

    • Hi Honey. I especially liked the first section of this scene. It was confusing, but in a way that matched the confusion of a divorce. It reminded me a little of Toni Morrison or Faulkner, with the way it felt like the whole section was floating, unmoored. Some of the confusion found its way into the other sections, and I thought it was less effective there. I don’t have a strong enough sense for the MC yet to see the significance of these interactions. The moments are nice, though, and they raise a lot of themes that I’d like to see you explore.

    • I read your first scene and wanted to see where your characters are headed. I would suggest that you spread out some of your content. You have lots of things happening with not enough details to help the reader get a handle on it. I read it twice and noticed 4 ………. to designate a new location or scene change. It might be easier for the reader if it didn’t change so much. When you change to a new scene, refresh the reader who is in that section. I know Lala and Liam, but I had trouble figuring out who was talking. I also noticed several typos that your spell check wouldn’t pick up because they were not misspelled. (he always ask about you) and (and I don’t usually talked about my projects). A few dialogue tags would help me as a reader connect with who is speaking. Thanks for sharing your piece.

    • Thank you for sharing your writing, Honey. I especially liked that you were talking about LGBTQ acceptance in your story, as there isn’t enough of that in stories. I have a transgender family member and love her very much, and so am a huge ally of the community.
      However, I agree with Sharon and Gene that with all the breaks and lack of detail makes it hard to follow what’s happening with your main character in the story. I do think dialogue would help.
      Keep writing!

  • Thank you.

  • Marijo,

    Your story hooked me from the beginning. I kept wondering how Henry and Barry were related but I guess that will be developed and future scenes.
    That claustrophobic buildup was intense. Thank you for sharing

  • Good setup. From the first paragraph, I was drawn in toTalia’s life and her motivation. I imagine as the story progresses, more details will be added and will learn more about the characters and her motivation to leave the island. Thank you for sharing.

  • Honey Comb commented on the post, Packed by Honey 3 months ago

    Your words are encouraging. Thank you.

  • Honey Comb commented on the post, Packed by Honey 3 months ago

    Thank you for reading my scene and giving suggestions.

  • Packed by Honey

    People the world over are suffering from post consumer depression having lost their Christmas cheer.  Reaching for the wreath hanger, the vacation cooler used for hauling perishable goods bumped […]

    • Gene replied 3 months ago

      Hi Honey. Thanks for your scene. I thought you did a nice job of capturing the disorientation that happens when we lose someone close. It was very detailed, too. It’s hard to comment on those details until we see what’s coming, but it sets up lots of possibilities.

    • Dear Honey, I think you did a good job of “setting the stage” for an interesting and deep story. I liked how you managed to shed light on Honey’s strengths and weaknesses through her thoughts and actions without pointing them out explicitly.
      It feels unusual to read the dialogue with colons and quotation markings, and I also would have liked to learn the niece and nephew’s full names (not just “Ja” and “Je”). But perhaps you are using them as place holders, or doing a play?
      I am quite curious to find out what Honey’s dissertation was on; it must be an interesting topic if they want to hold a book club on it! 😀 Honey sounds like quite a mysterious woman!

    • Very interesting setup, I am curious to see where this new journey will take Honey. I thought it would have been nice to see a little more of their relationship, but maybe more is to come of what happened to her other half! Thank you for sharing!

    • You have a way of describing emotion that is captivating, particularly in the second piece. I don’t know if this is intended as your opening scene, but I thought it might be best to start with the second piece and then use the information from the first piece in a sequel where the character reflects, in conversation or a journal perhaps, on the past. There seems to be enough material here for a few scenes if you just expand them a bit.

      • Hi Bev,
        I’ll develop all the characters though i’m not quite sure where I’m going with us, I like the suggestion that a few scenes can be created from this.
        Thank you.

    • Honey,

      I love how the tone shifts from gloriously happy, to shocked, to confused, to somewhat bitter and resentful. You captured grief really well! I’m curious about the different breaks between sections and if your novel will continue like this or take another structure. Great start!

      • Thank you for your comments. I’m not quite sure I’ll go with the story but I’m thinking the breaks will continue.

    • Thanks for sharing your piece. I agree with another comment about breaking this up into a couple scenes. You have more than enough material. I also would like to know the names of the children. I read the above comments and didn’t see anyone say anything about your main characters personality, but I came away with a negative feeling about her. I don’t know if that is your intention but she seemed to act like she had a very high opinion of herself. She continually told about how accomplished she was and how much education her family had. She also seemed to be offened when her family and friends gave their condolences. I want to be positive, but just wanted you to know how the character came across to me. It looks like a great start to a good book. Thanks again

    • Thank you.

  • Honey Comb posted an update 3 months ago

    52 Scenes for 52 Weeks

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