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  • I don’t know why but I assumed they were out of school for the summer! Seems like they would have waited for a trip like that until school was out.

    “domestic violence and adduction”…I bet he has great thighs, but I think you mean abduction here.

    ahhh…Jerry! I know him well enough to trust him, but I’m very surprised Becca’s mom would. I know…[Read more]

  • Oh, you tricked me! I was sure Willow was Kai and Nic’s child. Still not sure. Nice domestic scene…gives the reader a chance to breathe, though I still fear Nic will be pulled back any second.
    I don’t understand the references in these sections:

    But we have the same name!” she called out, pulling on Kai’s jacket.

    “I only heard what happen…[Read more]

  • We met Lauren and Hal at breakfast at 8 sharp. Maeve was on good behavior, and I had to admit she could cook. We had eggs Benedict and fresh fruit with a basket of cinnamon rolls. Coffee and tea let us mingle over […]

  • Thanks for reading and your kind words Patty!
    G

  • Scene 25

    “Who can tell me what happened here?” The Galveston policeman surveyed the crowd.

    Brianna stepped forward. “I can.”

    She gave the officer the whole story of Liam, the beach house, and the stalkin […]

    • Great pacing in these scenes!

      Chad and Jan are good friends. Liked getting Brianna’s backstory – good time for the reveal and well told – although I doubt she would come close to forgetting the high school incident. Maybe she just hadn’t thought about it in a long time, or she hadn’t felt the PTS in a long time.

      I’m wondering if James will become a strong ally or if he’ll be reluctant to get involved. I understand Brianna’s guilt but wasn’t sure about the line where she has to figure out what she does. Maybe after some time or a talk with her therapist she will understand the two incidents aren’t a pattern (unless there’s more backstory to be revealed) and that Liam’s behavior is about the house, not her. That’s how I see it, anyway, but I’m not the one who was kidnapped! 😉

      Good job showing Liam’s slight change in demeanor once he gets his meds. But he’s still a sleazebag.

      I empathize with Brianna’s feelings about the island after how she was treated. I hope she can come to love it again. I’m sensing you and I could have quite a conversation about beach town dynamics!

    • Hi Georgiana,
      Oh boy! Liam’s running around loose, James is in the hospital, Brianna is ready for a battle!
      I suggest giving us more of Brianna’s reaction to finding James on the floor–what does she think/feel/do? The first time we see her responding is when she’s upset about the police caring more about rich people over a single woman and dog. But I’d think she’s more concerned about how her friend is doing.
      –consider modifying the sentence about Curtis sleeping with her to something like “next to her while she tossed and turned”
      –I wonder if Brianna could’ve nearly forgotten about her traumatic event in HS. Even later, she acknowledges “could never forget the feeling of helplessness.” Maybe instead of having Jan mention it, Brianna could have a flashback to that incident/moment when Liam first grabs her? Just a thought off the cuff, or just a small modification to make those sentences more consistent would help.
      –Brianna’s frustration with the island is realistic, and I’m sad for her to be turned off because these experiences. But I’m also curious if it’s indicative of the majority culture there and it’s best for her to discover that now. Sad, though, since it seems a place of beauty and life and potential and family traditions…
      –I like how you are making Liam a more loose cannon by his need for meds. Perhaps you can seed that a little earlier in the story (or maybe you have and I’ve forgotten)?
      –I love how you have him drink a beer, feel glad he’d bought 2, then “cursed that he’d only bought two beers.” by the end. Well done!

  • He’s only….fictional human after all!

  • Sad story, told so well. I wish there was more that could be done for people like Michael…like we all should have primers on depression and mental health. The victims don’t hurt only themselves, and the survivors guilt never seems to leave. Great writing, as usual, Ben!

  • Yep,that line has to change! More on James coming…we have 60% of the book ahead! Thanks for reading Kathy!

  • Good catch on POV Becky, will definitely fix that. Brianna is like a lot of people…good in crisis, falls apart later. She will ponder James when she is out of immediate danger!

  • Hi Marilyn! Happy to see you back here with Brianna and Co. I’ll remember to be careful with the abbreviations!
    G

  • Thanks Sharon! I will try to give you some mental images!

  • Thanks Henri! I like it when authors talk to the reader too. I figure ther are as many, or more, readers over 35 as under, and we have more time,and money, for books. But bottom line is I write whichever characters are the loudest in my head…who knows if I’ll ever get them out of the hard drive!
    i appreciate your comments!
    G

  • Thanks Sharon. I seriously didn’t trust myself on this one…glad it hung together for you! It is great to have readers who “know” me!

  • Leslie manipulative?! 🙂 maybe,or maybe she can’t get on with being happy until she feels Joe is settled? We’ll see…

  • Thanks Ana… was rushed and worried that it wouldn’t work. I appreciate your reading!
    G

  • Thanks Peggy. I wasn’t sure it would hang together! I hope to do more with these characters…someday!
    G

  • The heartbreaking truth for so many children, and beautiful portrayal of the angels who save them. Great job Patty!
    G

  • Gorgeous writing, as usual, Ana. I love the way you draw out the characters through contrast. The olive grove battling the drought is a lovely image…those gnarled trees have stories to tell. I’m curious about where the boy has gone. It is also telling that she calls him”your son”…
    Paper man is a brilliant image.
    G

  • Laurie!
    I have missed your beautiful prose! I was afraid/yet hopeful that Henrietta would let Bernice have Floyd…the betrayal of trust will no doubt haunt her as much as Calvin and her Father! But… “It had been pleasant with Floyd.” A bit of consolation….love the story! Welcome to 12SS!
    G

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Georgiana Nelsen

Profile picture of Georgiana Nelsen

@georgiana

Active 11 hours, 31 minutes ago
Short Story : 5
Poetry : 0
52 Scenes 2022 : 21
52 Scenes : 54
Flash Fiction 2022s : 30
52 Scenes Rewrites : 13
Show, don't Tell June 2022's : 0