Georgiana Nelsen

Kathy Sanford replied 13 hours, 41 minutes ago

Great pacing in these scenes!

Chad and Jan are good friends. Liked getting Brianna’s backstory – good time for the reveal and well told – although I doubt she would come close to forgetting the high school incident. Maybe she just hadn’t thought about it in a long time, or she hadn’t felt the PTS in a long time.

I’m wondering if James will become a strong ally or if he’ll be reluctant to get involved. I understand Brianna’s guilt but wasn’t sure about the line where she has to figure out what she does. Maybe after some time or a talk with her therapist she will understand the two incidents aren’t a pattern (unless there’s more backstory to be revealed) and that Liam’s behavior is about the house, not her. That’s how I see it, anyway, but I’m not the one who was kidnapped! 😉

Good job showing Liam’s slight change in demeanor once he gets his meds. But he’s still a sleazebag.

I empathize with Brianna’s feelings about the island after how she was treated. I hope she can come to love it again. I’m sensing you and I could have quite a conversation about beach town dynamics!
Becky replied 6 hours, 3 minutes ago

Hi Georgiana,
Oh boy! Liam’s running around loose, James is in the hospital, Brianna is ready for a battle!
I suggest giving us more of Brianna’s reaction to finding James on the floor–what does she think/feel/do? The first time we see her responding is when she’s upset about the police caring more about rich people over a single woman and dog. But I’d think she’s more concerned about how her friend is doing.
–consider modifying the sentence about Curtis sleeping with her to something like “next to her while she tossed and turned”
–I wonder if Brianna could’ve nearly forgotten about her traumatic event in HS. Even later, she acknowledges “could never forget the feeling of helplessness.” Maybe instead of having Jan mention it, Brianna could have a flashback to that incident/moment when Liam first grabs her? Just a thought off the cuff, or just a small modification to make those sentences more consistent would help.
–Brianna’s frustration with the island is realistic, and I’m sad for her to be turned off because these experiences. But I’m also curious if it’s indicative of the majority culture there and it’s best for her to discover that now. Sad, though, since it seems a place of beauty and life and potential and family traditions…
–I like how you are making Liam a more loose cannon by his need for meds. Perhaps you can seed that a little earlier in the story (or maybe you have and I’ve forgotten)?
–I love how you have him drink a beer, feel glad he’d bought 2, then “cursed that he’d only bought two beers.” by the end. Well done!

@georgiana

Georgiana Nelsen

@georgiana