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  • We Two by Ellen Eigner

    #

    When did it start

    We two

    We two

    When did it start

    We two

    On a couch in the lobby

    On our way into get donuts

    When did it happen

    We two

    Paging through scrapbooks

    Listening to […]

    • So much fun to read, Ellen. It was so lyrical and your got your point across by letting the reader interpret on their own. My take was two kids, best friends, building a relationship that turned into love. Very well done. Thanks, Sharon

    • I liked the rhythm you set with the repetition of “we two”. I think we’ve all had these relationships that have been going for so long we have to stop to remember where it all started. Nicely done.

    • Hello Ellen,

      I liked the way you’ve used the repetition of We two to emphasize your message. The images of shared life are great. As a cyclist (fairweather, mostly!) I related to your ‘On the top of the bluff / Riding bikes down the side’.

      Best wishes for the festive season and I look forward to reading more of your poetry in 2021.

  • I admit, I read it quickly at the end of several others that I read. My apologies. I should have caught it all with the names – Gabe (Gabriel), Luce (Lucifer), Mike (Michael). Yes, and the seven days. Very clever. Perhaps if you gave clues to the demeanor of the son, mellow, soft-spoken, often speaking in metaphors or analogies. It’s a lot…[Read more]

  • I worked with a principal like this – set the deadline, change it, start a committee, then just scrap their decisions, take a vote, then disregard it. Super frustrating and when it’s the big boss’s son, you are stuck. I thought perhaps the other characters would work to make it looks like he succeeds. Fast paced, yet easy to follow. I love the…[Read more]

  • Thank you. I very much appreciate your comments. I’m glad you will read more. My stories are not to everyone’s taste – very fairytale-ish.

  • Your characters are quite vivid and your storyline is clipping along quite nicely. Well done!

  • Thanks, Amrita. Glad you enjoyed it.

  • I think these ladies need less caffeine. I love the rambling story they tell and their remarks back and forth. Very cute.

    (small note – you changed verb tenses, use commas, instead of periods, in your dialogue)

  • Oh, no, no, I don’t do evil. Pelznicle is a German American name for Santa. I wanted a not obvious Santa name, at least not at first. Thanks for reading!

  • I could truly feel the pain and desperation. I was fearful of the blaming, every family member will feel a part of it. The metaphor is lovely.

  • Yup, glad you enjoyed it and merry Christmas to you.

  • Ha ha, yes! This is awesome, so clever and funny. Love the little details, like the hot chocolate. Oh, poor Rudolph! Fartundor and Mohrron – I get it! I was hoping someone else would delight me with a Christmas story.

  • Glad you enjoyed it. I aim to delight. Thanks for your kind appraisal.

  • Very clever – making the prompt into an acronym. This is a very complex story in a short wordcount. Well done.

  • Glad you enjoyed it. I aim to delight.

  • Wow! This is really cool, making the present seem futuristic. I do like the idea of the misting portals. I did not expect the ending – well done!

  • Thanks, Sharon. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  • Ha ha! I kept trying to guess what would happen, pimples, rashes, discoloration. I, myself, cannot change skin products without skin problems, so I could relate to this and was quite fearful. Your build up and tension sucked me into the story. I wanted to keep reading to find out what happened. The ending is funny. Nice work!

  • I was looking for a name for Santa Claus that wouldn’t be obvious, like Kris Kringle. My daughter found Pelznicle’s story. Thank you for reading my story and your sweet comments. Glad you liked it.

  • No Ordinary Child by Ellen Eigner#In a little white house, at the end of the lane, lived a little boy.  Teddy was not an ordinary child. He was small for his age and something about his appearance was puzzling.  W […]

    • That is a lovely little story. I must confess I read a story’s opening lines, then another sentence or two and if I don’t like it by then, I give up. Perhaps I’m missing out, perhaps not. Well, your opener caught me and the rest was well worth the ride.

      In this you have that enviable knack in creating a world in just a few strokes. It’s a pretty much indefinable ability, but when it works we all know it works. I’ll read some more of your work.

      • Thank you. I very much appreciate your comments. I’m glad you will read more. My stories are not to everyone’s taste – very fairytale-ish.

    • Hi Ellen,
      This was such a nice little holiday story! It’s the kind of story you tell kids around a warm fire with some milk and cookies. I loved how your tale was so simple and yet so endearing! Great read! Happy holidays to you!

    • What a delightful tale!
      I was almost anticipating Teddy to turn out to be an evil little character.
      What a lovely surprise.
      Loved the name Pelznicle! Such a musical feel to it!

      • Oh, no, no, I don’t do evil. Pelznicle is a German American name for Santa. I wanted a not obvious Santa name, at least not at first. Thanks for reading!

    • Ah, a Santa’s elf is born 🙂
      Cute story. Merry Christmas!!

    • Hi Ellen, this is truly delightful! I too was drawn in by your opening lines and loved the whole story. The rhythm of the words, the magic, the whole atmosphere feels like a true classic Christmas tale. Beautifully done, thank you for sharing it! 😊

    • The pacing was superb. A fun pleasant read all way round!

    • Wonderful writing. You gave clues to help the reader come to the obvious conclusion. I used to read a book to my students about the childhood of Santa Claus. I was a hit with the kids, but sadly it is out of print. Your story made me remember the looks on the kids faces as they listened. Nice trip down memory lane for me. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Ellen
      I love the name Pelznicle. I looked it up and it’s got a very interesting history. The description of Teddy about what makes him special is rhythmic, fun and delightful. I love the idea of smelling of cookies…that would make me like someone right away! I like that the last two lines rhyme…a great way to end such a fun tale.
      Really great story!

      • I was looking for a name for Santa Claus that wouldn’t be obvious, like Kris Kringle. My daughter found Pelznicle’s story. Thank you for reading my story and your sweet comments. Glad you liked it.

    • Hi Ellen. Lovely. I could imagine Michael reading this as part of his SantaCalls series:) What a shame it is not amongst the pages of his big book. It was sweet and made me smile. You did actually fool me with the name. At first I was wondering if Pelznicle could have been a bad man, using Teddy for his own gain. A bit like the Rumpelstiltskin. So I must say I was pleasantly surprised that it was not so and he was indeed our jolly fellow dressed in red:)

      I found one sentence where a tiny edit is required:
      There stood a man dressed in black – a great black coat and a black stovepipe hat with a sprig of holly its band. – spring of holly in its band:)

      Well done and thank you for making me smile.

    • A lovely, lyrical story to read on Christmas day. I was worried that Pelznickle may not have innocent intentions so was very pleased when all was well. Magical and delightful.

  • As I read your story, I am sitting on my couch. I have a husky on one side. She was a rescue dog. I have a beagle on the other. They are both sound asleep and snoring.

    Nice writing, Jan.

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Ellen Eigner

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