• “You finally made it to the end of the world then,” Kimo stretched his legs and rolled his shoulders. Even though they had first class seats, the long duration of their flight had begun to take its toll on his […]

    • Hi Monica – I can’t believe you have got through the entire (almost!!) book by pantsing because it truly doesn’ t feel like it. Now we get to the circumstances of Kimo’s coming to Lucy which I vaguely remember from the very beginning (when it seemed a little far fetched but now it’s all falling into place!!) And poor Teddy – so he did love Lucy…and she couldn’t see it??
      I loved the wise words of Westley re making charity/missionary work a salve for our own consciences …Africa was the object of that kind of patronage by colonial powers – who knows where it would be as a continent had it have been left alone?
      Great scene and yet another cliff hanger. And great device, by the way, on the plane, to tell the whole story.

  • Some really great sentences here: “Looking down at Phillip, she spoke with a steely tone that could have pierced concrete”; “Thomas’ voice faded into silence like a balloon losing its last wisp of air. A cold shiver ran down his spine.” Everything is becoming clearer. At the risk of sounding cheeky, “the suspense is killing me!” Well written – t…[Read more]

  • As always, beautiful prose — so exact and rich — yet doesn’t slow the plot down at all. Poor John! Frightening scene. Loved every word. Your descriptions are vivid, tactile, multi-dimensional. Well done!

  • The imagery, the language, the completely tactile experience (cold, heat, humidity, the smell of damp earth) – all so excellent! Your language is precise and rich – combining to create a thrilling narrative. I think this is your BEST scene yet. Loved it! One or two typos but really, that’s it. CREEPY!!!!!

  • Loved this one, “The long cold fingers of fear moved slowly up Augustine’s back, seeping into his skin and filling his insides with terror. ” Great job at describing Reva’s anger and subsequent disbelief. Great cliffhanger, too. Dun-dun-dun!

  • This recovery scene helps explain a lot and is putting all the pieces together. I also liked the foreshadowing with the coffee. “I’m going to have to ask you to do something unpleasant very soon. The caffeine will help.” I love how you keep putting them in uncomfortable situations – which will make the resolution/finding answers – all the more…[Read more]

  • Loved this scene and the descriptions of the flying (trying to outfly her pain?) I had to read the end a few times. I think in this bit of dialogue: “As long as you find your way back here, you will never be lost.”
    Afra froze. I must be imagining things, she told herself. She slowly pulled away from Ann and looked up at Ann’s face. “Ahhh…[Read more]

  • Teddy and Lucy had settled into adjoining suites at Hotel de la Paix, and, as the name suggested, a remnant of France’s heyday as Cambodia’s European master. The hotel was as whisper-quiet and elegantly app […]

    • Deryn replied 1 week ago

      Wow Monica the descrptions are so beautiful and vivid, the colours, humidity, and the sight of the children and women eking out a living, tugging at Lucy’s conscience. I wonder what occurs to break the bond of hers and Teddy’s friendship? Will she find a way of being self sufficient in the world? So many questions, so little time to find out!!

    • Hi Monica

      You certainly set a good scene. From an excellence of adjectives to some very descriptive metaphors, the picture you paint is crystal clear and satisfies all of the senses. I appreciate your tiredness, sir I’ve refrained from commenting on a few grammatical issues that will be picked up on edit, I’m sure.

      A truly vibrant, wonderful scene.

      Martin

  • MIIIIIKE! But before I get to your cliff hanger, again with the beautiful prose! I just loved this chapter/scene but 3 things are stunning: 1) how you wrote John meandering, and getting into his head–that he stops counting and he realizes it – that was absolutely well crafted; 2) the paragraph on habit – I was wondering where you were going with…[Read more]

  • Such beautiful sentences – so many, that I’d have to cut and paste all the ones that were breathtaking to read. But not just pretty, they work hard for the story, too. The setting here is quite clear, and all the more frightening with your descriptions. TBH, I wouldn’t go back with ten torches! And that last line! Awesome work.

  • Things did not go as planned when it came to Agnes Ybañez and her invitations. Still, there was a part of Lucy Callahan that remained hopeful when it came to things romantic, which only meant she was primed for […]

    • Deryn replied 2 weeks ago

      So we’re off to Angkor Wat next?! What a trip around the world!…Poor Teddy. I can’t even imagine what’s going to happen…Keep pantsing, it really works!

  • That night, Edward Edgar Powell the Third was getting dressed for an evening at the embassy. Lucy had bowed out. The afternoon and the unexpected collision with Agnes Ybañez left her fatigued and irritable. But […]

    • Hi Monica – gosh, the suspense…Is Teddy holding back from sweeping Lucy up because she had an affair with a woman? Or as I pondered before, is he gay? Either way, Lucy is very lucky to have such a benefactor, allowing her to live a life of languid luxury. Lovely dialogue.

  • Monica and Profile picture of Christa LChrista L are now friends 3 weeks, 4 days ago

  • Thank you, Christa. I’m glad you found it humorous.

  • Thank you, Christa.

  • Thank you, Juanita.

  • Well done and congrats on doing 30!

  • Yikes! remind me to not ever make you mad. Well done! And I agree: this could be a much, much longer story.

  • Standing slow clap! Brilliant! Way to go!

  • Not what I expected! Well done!

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Monica

Profile picture of Monica

@dinahwas

Active 3 days, 4 hours ago
Short Story : 0
Poetry : 0
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 47
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 30