I really liked the reflective nature of this scene, as we see Fran taking stock of herself and her relationships. At first, with the activity at the KBF in full swing, she went a little overboard, but the conversation with Istvel calmed her down and put things into perspective, and from there it felt like she becomes more at peace with herself. I find it odd that Guy isn’t returning her texts and not connecting with her on the phone, and from Fran’s observation about office life feeling less tense and less whispering, rises suspicions in my head. Is there more to Guy that we don’t know? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see! Great work, Deryn.

Hi Deryn, I remember the shwe shwe now and how much I had loved that detail. You really have a knack for giving us just the right details to both immerse us in and make us dream of the places you take us to.
I loved seeing Fran in action at work but my absolute favourite part of this scene was the conversation with her mum, both the comment about the Daily Mail and Fran’s mum’s naivety are priceless and extremely funny.
I’m so looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with the SA trip this time round 🙂

Aw, what started as a lovely day for Fran really went to hell in a handbag didn’t it! I really felt bad for Fran when Chrissie showed up, but she held herself together really well. I feel like she responded to Chrissie much more maturely than she would have done at the start of the story, but I worry what she will find when she calls Guy. What is Chrissie playing at, and is this what will bring Fran to the dark night of the soul? Just when things were going well with Bernard, then this happens to mar their tentative friendship. Great work, Deryn, this is a lovely story and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Hi Deryn, really well played on putting another obstacle in Fran and Bernard’s relationship path – the frustration and delayed gratification do such a great job at keeping us on tenterhooks.
Your descriptions work beautifully too. I especially loved that sentence: ‘Fran longed to dive into the tepid water and float, watching the clouds scud across the early autumn sky. She could almost feel the crisp air on her skin, then the warm, steamy and slightly sulphurous water envelop her as she dipped her shoulders under the surface.’
I think it’s probably my twisted mischievous mind but I was thinking that if you want Laszlo to be properly lascivious, you could have him say ‘Shame… otherwise, I have to take you shopping!’ instead of ‘Good otherwise…’ 😉
Loved, loved, loved the Chrissie surprise and especially the spat between Fran and her. I’m super intrigued by the Guy/Chrissie partnership implication. Either my memory is failing me or it’s new but either way, I can’t wait to find out what that’s all about! xxx

I’m so happy that Fran and Guy are BFFs again; this is a good scene, as it serves to highlight Fran’s loneliness, Fran and Guy’s closeness, Guy’s potential distancing as he grows closer to Freddy.
Looks like you left a note to self in the second section that should be removed.
I like that you left this on a bit of a cliff hanger, what does Laszlo have planned for them? Can’t wait to find out!

Hi Deryn, yeahy, Fran and Guy are back together and best of friends again! I loved that scene and its dialogue. The whole being back home and getting on with work also makes Fran appear more settled, calm and mature, now she’s put the whole Duncan thing behind her – it works really well in showing how she has progressed through her story arc.
My only tiny suggestion is about the two paragraphs starting “During that same week…” What I love about your storytelling is that we always feel so immersed in your story, like in the dialogue with Guy where it’s almost like we’re sitting at the kitchen table with them, so these two paras felt a little different. It felt a bit like stepping out of the story for a brief moment to be filled in about the in-between events from the outside – does that make sense?
I was wondering whether maybe these could be seamlessly integrated with the present action instead, so the bit about Bernard could be slotted in where Guy and Fran talk about him and the bit about Guy not coming could be inserted as she arrives at the KBF maybe – what do you think?
Honestly, I just can’t wait for Laszlo’s surprise and to see what happens between Fran and Bernard next. You’ve managed to integrate their storyline so well in your rewrite – huge congrats! 🙂