Thanks Michael – admittedly the warning doesn’t apply so much to this scene – and in fact it’s not as radical as I might have made it seem – there is a lot of re writing go be done on earlier scenes, for eg in the very early description of Gio and Chrissie I already reveal they are having an affair, but I am going to take that out and let Fran…[Read more]

Haha Nina – sex scenes are challenging enough without making them a threesome 🤣🤣

Hey Michael – I agree with the saturation of detail, but this just cried out for a little more ‘first impression’ . That drive is dreary – I have chosen the lowveld – Joburg-Hoedspruit as Fran’s first trip to SA – Dullstroom as well as some one horse towns and lots of cosmos…
The word count is tricky – my next week’s is a little under but I…[Read more]

Anne Anne Anne – how are you? I LOVE Rose and James but I am missing Pikachu. I know you are swamped with your PhD, and of course that must come first but just know I’m thinking of you and hope you get this msg. Sent you a DM but the site no longer seems to send email notifications of comments. So glad you got this long submission in. As usual,…[Read more]

I have to confess that I have a personal antipathy to the word ‘Giggled’ – it is so girly and specific, like ‘tittering’. The parents could however, have ‘laughed’ which shows they didn’t entirely believe she would ever act on her childhood fascination but which isn’t juvenile which for me ‘ giggle’ is. A man should NEVER giggle, for example!!!…[Read more]

Hi Anne – oh the arrogance of the male species!! How could Amy (who has never seen Blake) even think about not accepting the date? Such a good scene – everyone with a dilemma, some with more at stake/more to hide than others – I feel for the girls’ need for subterfuge. Really enjoying this…

H Sudha I join everyone else in congratulating you on a great scene (another great scene) I loved the description of the reality of the work of the DA’s office vs the fictionalised tv version, (would her parents have ‘ giggled’ at her childhood fascination, tho? Maybe ‘ marvelled’/ ‘ admired’ ?) You have so many threads to work with – this story…[Read more]

Hi Eva Maria – you nearly lost me this week, just because your plot is actually v complex, the who did what to whom, but it is testimony to your writing that you are keeping us riveted. I loved this, read it a few times to get it, but I love this band of human friends ad their commitment to help Malikat. I’m with you all the way. And btw, if you…[Read more]

I am LOVING your story…

Hi Martin I guess at some point I’m going to have to reconcile myself to the fact that there is going to be time travel/reincarnation/something dystopian about this whole story to tie these 2 very different elements together…

Hi Nonie I love these 2 together but I’m glad Brigid didn’t fall straight back into Jack’s arms but was sure to make her point. She is very principled. I really like that about her. Well done on 14 – getting better and better.

Hi Monica it’s pretty convincing pantsing! Great characterisation of Apollonia and I can only agree with Preston and Susanne re the length of the sentences especially in the opening paragraph, as well as the need for some more spacing. Also, the missile struck me, too as somewhat anachronistic, but well done on another great scene at sea!

Hi Adam Great scene with an interesting background to Catherine’s previous experience of the hospice/asylum, although I didn’t get the impression her haste to leave had anything to do with her own memories?
There were a couple of sentences need a re work incl the one starting ‘The first sight of the dormitory windows’ which seems unfinished,…[Read more]

Hi Lionel, I loved this and your dialogue flowed really well. I just wondered about the constant use of the name of the person being addressed, but it might be an Irish thing. The whole scene in the pub was a nice respite from the ‘ action’ and felt really natural and I loved the 2 corny jokes! Good job.

Hi Marijo this is a great scene (or 2) , I loved watching that second hand go slowly around the clock as a marker and it was great to learn more about the genesis of Barry and Henry’s relationship. Well done on week 14!

Hehe , Ben – maybe some/none/all of the above!!! xx

Ah, OK -got it!

Hi Jan – thank you so much – the challenge with writing only from Fran’s POV is that we won’t see the cabin first hand , but we’ll get the general drift next week…The conversation tags are hard sometimes when there is so much dialogue, avoiding too many ‘saids’ or not trying too hard with ‘ declared’ ‘ attested’ etc and definitely avoiding…[Read more]

Funny how it was Bernard insisted on having the character study done on him, not Duncan…

Haha Dirty Weekend!!