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  • Greetings Seyi, I do love your voice that comes through in your work! You are stellar at showing (vs telling) great heaps of emotion and backstory in just a few words. I loved the “confusing satellite” description. Clever use of the prompt, as well. Also, I liked that the MC had the quote eventually tattooed on his chest, suggesting that in later…[Read more]

  • Hi Barbara, I love a good sci-fi concept and I really enjoyed this! So much of Franny’s world was so relatable to me, sacrificing so much in a world that talks a lot about equality but still expects women to look, act and feel certain ways – such relevant themes you’ve reflected here so clearly in this speculative world. Really well done! I like…[Read more]

  • Hi Michael, I loved this story! The first part simply and clearly sets Melissa up as a sympathetic character, and with the death of her father the hint that she would choose a dark path in the end. The narrator’s voice fits the style of the story and adds to the feel of it. I love the theme of finding one’s tribe, so to speak. Melissa didn’t think…[Read more]

  • Greetings Seyi, I always look forward to reading your insightful and generous commentary 🙂 I am happy to hear you liked this and it wasn’t too ‘out there’. Its been rolling around in my head for a while but I wasn’t sure how well it would come off on the page. I felt that I could have taken more time for revisions this time around, also. So I am…[Read more]

  • Hello Barbara, Thank you for the read and for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed it. This is an idea I’ve had for a while, but I wasn’t sure how it would actually translate to the page. I hope you are well and enjoying your Holiday season!

  • Hello Becky! Thank you for the read and for the comments! You are right about the breath. I can probably find some other way to express that emotion that would be less idiomatic. I hope you are well and having a nice Holiday season!

  • The Stream by Deb S.

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    He observed from inside her mind. Her stream of consciousness manifested as a metallic-sheened river swirling around his legs, against a landscape of soft gray. The Others were there, at […]

    • Wow! What a clever concept. I loved the picture you conjured of the intrusion into Rayne’s mind – the landscape, the sludge clearing. The juxtaposition of sophisticated MindLink activity with Basri’s completely mundane reminiscences of his mother’s cooking made it seem very real. As did your use of internal and actual dialogue – character, motive revealed rather than spelled out. I also liked how you didn’t explain why Rayne was special but left it to our imagination. A hint of something menacing to be played out in the future. “Hemlock? Really? You dangerous or something?” Basri chuckled, as casually as he could manage. She was more dangerous than she could possibly fathom. I’m intrigued; I’d love to know what happens. Congratulations on bringing this dystopian/alien world so effectively to life. I played around with mind intrusion/control in my Area 52 story. It’s the kind of thing that fascinates me. Thanks very much, I really enjoyed and admired the read!

      • Hello Barbara, Thank you for the read and for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoyed it. This is an idea I’ve had for a while, but I wasn’t sure how it would actually translate to the page. I hope you are well and enjoying your Holiday season!

    • Hi Deb, and how goes it? This is the most ambitious project I have come across in a while. And you’re carrying it off. The intro needs a decided leap of faith but the world you create clarifies soon enough and you use simple language at the right times to avoid losing your readers. I like the middle section where you cranked things down on a conceptual level but kept things very high tech as you described New Bangalore and Cloud City (I was not clear what the Spears were attached TO, though?) The conversation with Rayne feels well constructed, with plenty of clues that the faceless Protectorate are the Bad Guys, but Basri’s role still to be absolutely clarified. Really well done, I feel I will be following this storyline to its end, whichever way you decide to go. All the very best for a great new year and regards, Seyi

      • Greetings Seyi, I always look forward to reading your insightful and generous commentary 🙂 I am happy to hear you liked this and it wasn’t too ‘out there’. Its been rolling around in my head for a while but I wasn’t sure how well it would come off on the page. I felt that I could have taken more time for revisions this time around, also. So I am happy to hear that the flow and ideas were well taken! In my mind, the Spears are not actually attached to anything. They are orbiting, sort of needle-shaped satellites with a giant solar cell at the top-end above the atmosphere and long shafts pointing down toward the planet, poking a few miles down into the atmosphere, above the clouds. I have no idea if this would be scientifically feasible, haha. Thanks so much, as always, and I hope you and yours are well this Holiday season.

    • Nothing like some high concept science fiction. I liked this; it was fascinating. Usually with this kind of thing I lose interest because it’s difficult to relate in a human way. But you set everything up so quickly, and told the story so well, and gave us a character to root for. Others could learn a thing or two… Nicely done.
      As for you spires, if they are ‘floating’ they need to be either made of some science fiction material that allows for this let’s call it unobtanium… 😉 They can’t technically orbit, as they’d have to be travelling rather fast to be able to push away from the pull of gravity. But nothing is impossible – just give science time and we’ll have anything you can imagine. 🙂

  • Hi Michael! Thanks so much for your comments, especially that I have a “gift for rhythm and pacing” – you are much too kind! Sorta made my day with that one 🙂 Your critique is well-taken that it was a bit off here, however. The word count was, as always, quite challenging to fit everything in and still make it read smoothly. Interesting that you…[Read more]

  • Hi Beth, I really enjoyed the buildup to the mystery at the end – who was killing all these people and burying them in a mass grave? I wondered, are Dean and Haley trained ghost hunters (obviously Dean has a family legacy of this, somehow). As Seyi said, I wasn’t sure why the ghost told Dean not to have Haley running back to him. I guessed it was…[Read more]

  • Hi Michael, I’m so glad you enjoyed this and thought it was creepy! And I don’t think your interpretation is weird, I think its brilliant! In my mind, Area 52 was a manifestation of the woman’s fears of irrelevancy and inevitable slide toward death, whether hallucinated or not. But your idea certainly takes that to an extreme! I like it. I might…[Read more]

  • Deb Snyder and Profile picture of SeyiSeyi are now friends 2 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Hi Beth, I’m really glad you enjoyed this, and that you found it surprising! Sometimes as the writer, its hard to tell what will be creepy or shocking to the reader. The more I think about the Butcher, the more convinced I am he will reappear in another prompt one day 🙂 Thanks for the read and comments!

  • Hi Michael!

    I enjoyed this. Theodore is certainly a sympathetic character, and agreeing with the comment from Bhavna, inspires readers to perhaps make more connections with the Theodores of the world.

    However, I also agree with Kim who was left feeling a bit unsatisfied by the ending, with no real clues even to the reader as to what happened…[Read more]

  • Hi Michael! The 2nd person POV is challenging, but I thought you nailed it here. I have all kinds of questions about what sort of experiments/operations the Russians are conducting and how the MC got to be where they are. Was the MC physically turned into a mouse or did their consciousness just get transferred? Then the consciousness that was at…[Read more]

  • Hello Seyi, As always, thank you for reading! Style-wise, I was actually inspired by your writing for this piece. ‘Minimalist’ is not usually my voice, but I felt it added something to the creepiness factor here (at least I hoped it did). I am so glad you enjoyed it!

  • Hi Catherine, I am really glad that you found it creepy! It’s what I was going for, but it was hard for me to tell if that was coming through. Thank you for reading!

  • Hi Dionne, thank you for the read! I will consider expanding on it. Horror is a new writing genre for me, so I have a lot of practicing to do! I am glad to hear you enjoyed it.

  • Hi Ana, I’m really glad you enjoyed it, thanks for the read!

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Deb Snyder

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