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  • Hi, Mia-
    The Children – lots of tension in this scene, but not much happening. Good backstory fill on the children–we begin to see the scope of Bonair’s plot.
    I don’t recall seeing Grehlor’s name before, so it seems abrupt when we suddenly see it here.
    Should we know the reason that Nell suddenly reaches for her sword? Maybe sounds of…[Read more]

  • Ah, gotcha.
    Can’t wait to see a picture of you with your Christmas present!

  • Hi, Christian-
    Poor Van Gogh indeed! Thanks for reading & your kind comments.

  • Hi, Rachel-
    I love the regression when Zelda gets tired: “You’re right, Mommy.” And knowing how this ends, I can regret her suppression of her grief (“I grit my teeth to prevent the grief from twisting my mouth”). I understand it, but regret it. The Goldilocks of show homes is a brilliant line. Well told.
    The gift of the car(s) is amazing.…[Read more]

  • Hi, Rachel-
    It’s too bad family members choose a time of grief to come running seeking handouts. You convey Zelda’s consternation beautifully.
    I wondered about this: “I check in on Valerio and Ava.” Last I knew, Ava was sleeping with Zelda. I guess some time as passed. Maybe just a mention of that to give us a clue how long?
    Gianni “forgot”…[Read more]

  • Hi, Mia-
    I know that I’m behind, but I really thought I’d commented on this installment. Not the first time I’ve lost a comment, but I probably messed up somehow.
    Regardless, I wondered about following a tunnel deep beneath a mountain, then suddenly coming to a room with a hole in the ceiling that you can see the stars through. Having trouble…[Read more]

  • Query: NLP. Not familiar with that acronym. “No limit person” doesn’t seem to fit. If you’re saying that I phrased that description awkwardly, I agree. It is something people do when they try to remember something. I’ll work on something more artful.

    False sandals are essentially the “uppers” of sandals without the soles–a loop goes…[Read more]

  • Found it. 🙂

  • Hi, Nina-
    I love this poem. I wish I could see the picture, but you paint it beautifully for us.
    Favorite lines?
    a fringe of ruffled feathers
    like the long lashes of my sleeping child.
    Wonderful.

  • Rachel is how the newspaper reported it at the time, although they also reported Vincent’s name as Vaugoh. 😉
    Thanks for your kind comments!

  • Scene 25 – Nicaea 325 CE

    As Theodorus entered the chamber, Hosius stood in his customary position at the window, hands clasped behind him.  His gaze seemed to be upward rather than at the activity be […]

    • Hi David
      Nicaea:
      The action is certainly hotting up. Hosius is throwing his weight around, Constantine has determined a way forward, the emperor’s mum has arrived (I liked her last year and I’m glad she’s still around) and things will change for Theo. Well, they’ll change for everyone if celibacy is required. I hadn’t realised this was decided at Nicaea. All good stuff.
      (Bitsy query: ‘Theodorus looked up and to the left, and he blinked.’ NLP?)
       
      326 CE:
      ‘Theodorus thought he should make a list of all of the lists he was keeping.’ Speaks volumes about the nature of the task he was promoted to undertake.
      “But she imagines that she will converse with people who actually knew Jesus. He probably was crucified during the reign of Tiberius. No one who knew anyone who lived in those times still lives now. Many generations have lived and died since then.” An awful lot of might and maybe indicated here, and an important detail seems to be that the emperor’s mother doesn’t appreciate that Christ died long ago, plus there’s uncertainty about what actually happened to him.
      Then we get to this:
      “She is the emperor’s mother, but she is still a woman. She truly believes the teachings of Jesus.” Ouch, sounds like Theo himself may have doubts. Really well set out, as are the commercial opportunities of Helena’s wanting to walk where Jesus walked.
       
      Jerusalem 30 CE:
      Great dialogue between Herod and Herodias in the opening lines, and even though most readers will anticipate what’s coming, it sets it up so well. You string out the suspense and Herod’s evident enjoyment of keeping the women waiting is brilliant.
       
      This is going to sound weird, but because Herod has dipped his bread into his food several times (a good piece of repetition, it shows the pace of the conversation), when Salome dipped her head I was expecting her to encounter a food bowl. Sorry.
       
      Loved the iron tags of the slaves, denoting they were property. Great detail.
      Salome’s dance – HOT. I was wondering how this would be described and I wasn’t disappointed, I think you pitched it perfectly. (What are false sandals?)
      I know it’s not a beauty contest, but if I had to choose a favourite scene this week, this would be the one. Phew!

      • Query: NLP. Not familiar with that acronym. “No limit person” doesn’t seem to fit. If you’re saying that I phrased that description awkwardly, I agree. It is something people do when they try to remember something. I’ll work on something more artful.

        False sandals are essentially the “uppers” of sandals without the soles–a loop goes around the second toe, crosses, then goes around the ankle. Generally worn as adornment, could include precious stones, etc., if the wearer is wealthy enough. If you check “foot jewelry” on Amazon, you should find some examples.

        Ha! Good point about Salome dipping her head in the bowl. I’ll have to fix that one for certain. I’ll never be able to read it otherwise now! 😉

        Thanks for reading & your kind comments!

        • Anne replied 10 hours ago

          NLP – Neuro Linguistic Programming. Needs googling. It wasn’t awkwardly phrased,but if readers haven’t observed this phenomenon they may be puzzled.
          False sandals – on the Christmas list already, they sound brilliant (and comfy) LOL!
          There’s no lack of intrigue in Nicaea, btw, this scene sets us up for more. Keep it coming…

  •                         I

    I am cured!

    As you see, good doctors, I am following orders,

    changing my bandage regularly,

    keeping warm against the chill of January

    as you advised.

    And I am not focused solely on […]

    • Wowza. This was fun to read. And, of course, heartbreaking. Well done.was her name really Rachel?
      See the pleading in my eyes,
      the longing represented Gauguin’s geishas
      and self-loathing shown by overpainting my landscape. !!!

      • Rachel is how the newspaper reported it at the time, although they also reported Vincent’s name as Vaugoh. 😉
        Thanks for your kind comments!

    • Hello David,
      An intriguing story well told! Poor Van Gogh – you’ve interpreted his mental illness with sympathy and we can only sympathise with his cry for help. Great poem.

  • A conversation with someone outside the hierarchy is a good idea. Maybe someone who asks him, “What’s it all about, Theo?” (Okay, now I have an earworm.)
    The goal of the scene is to start showing the subversive things Yeshua is preaching, but I think I need someone to react to it that way. “So he thinks he’s a prophet” isn’t strong enough.
    Thanks!

  • A little of Constantine goes a long way, I get it. I guess I could have some bishops conversing about what it means (as I did with the Beatitudes). But I don’t want to tell what he said. I’m torn, obviously. I want the authenticity & the showing, but it is very hard sledding to read. Much more thought here. (The speaker you wondered about is…[Read more]

  • Good point on variety of settings. Anne wants more of Nicaea anyway…maybe I can satisfy both of you!
    I’ll work on the repetition & on showing the meaning of Alexander’s speech without Theo’s thoughts.

    I think I’ll start with “King Herod” and then shift to pronoun.
    Ew is right, but definitely apt.

    I’ll work on the soldier’s marching to…[Read more]

  • They’d like to think that they can. We’ll see. 😉

  • 🙂
    Fear not. I appreciate it and sincerely thank you for it.

  • Hi, Anne-
    I like the idea of hearing (overhearing) some of the conversations going on around the Synod. That will run into more scenes, though, which is why I cut the Synod short in 52 Scenes. Maybe I’ll add them in Prompt 0.
    Perhaps more of Theo’s thoughts are needed as well.
    I presume Constantine is referring to the death of Jesus, but it’s…[Read more]

  • Hi, Rachel-
    Feisty, yes, but also possibly throwing a monkey wrench into the gears. We’ll see.
    I’m glad you liked the descriptions. You’re not the only one to comment about the faceless Arius. As I mentioned to Mia, I hadn’t even given his appearance any thought. So I’ll figure out how to correct that. It wasn’t the word constraint, just my…[Read more]

  • Hi, Rachel-
    Don’t worry about timing. I won’t be rewriting these scenes again until after this is done.
    You both make some good points. I don’t want to get inside Yeshua’s head, but I’m sure I can come up with a way to show affection, maybe even that he’s joking with her when he says, “Woman.”
    I’m not sure about the water-into-wine event.…[Read more]

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David

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@david-weimer

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