Thank you, Tuesday. I can probably put ‘Five years earlier’ to separate that section to make it less confusing.

Thank you, Astrid.

Thank you, Angelique

Your descriptions of the girls riding the horses was great. I felt like I was riding along with them. I am interested to see what is going on between Rebecca and Max, since it seemed like he completely ignored Rebecca.

Nice scene, well written. It was an interesting back story on Chavvas. I was confused when it said he was five years old, but he didn’t go to the orphanage until he was a teenager. Other than that, I enjoyed the scene.

Wow, that was good! Your descriptions gave great imagery, I felt like I was walking right alongside of them and eavesdropping. You have such a knack of placing the reader with your characters. Great job!

Good dialogue between Roula and Denzyo. I was confused at first when Roula started to talk to Denzyo, but rereading it again it is fine. Your story is coming along beautifully.

I’m thinking about starting the story with the triplets’ lives, but not a defiant yet. Yes, you will find out in another scene as to why she was unable to communicate with Brice. Thank you, Kali.

Thank you, Jackie.

Thank you, Angelique.

Great scene. I loved the dialogue between Spalding and Sage, eating lunch and going over their suspects. Good relationship between the two. Good job.

Don’t know if it was supposed to be funny, but I laughed anyway when Raygar was stepping on people sleeping on the floor while he was trying to get to the door. Good description. I like the interaction between Rebecca and Raygar. Will she tell him why she was banished?

Nice scene, good flow. Check your first sentence. Surprised about Roula’s brother maybe married to Danyor’s daughter. Curious to see where this goes.

Very interesting scene. Nice flow with the dialogue. You can feel Lena’s agony losing her sister. Good transition into the Hall of Relics.

Nice scene. It was a good transition into her memory of her first week of being in a big city. Good descriptions and dialogue. I liked that you dove more into Jewel’s background.

Thank you, Astrid.

Thank you, Kali.