• I Missed Them(I Need Sleep) by Cris Gracie

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    The moon sits facing the residence building, near the horizon. The sharp, white glow dulls the orange street lights. Leaves crinkled and crackled as they ran with the […]

    • Hey Cris, I think you set up lovely atmosphere at the very start and did well with following Amber’s thoughts and doubts as she feels and thinks them. good work of showing how we all have contradictory feelings and emotions and how we struggle sometimes with saying true, simple things. Only thing, I think that the diary entry was disjointed from the rest, because it wasnt set up as a journal from the start. Maybe you could have found another way to let us know Jude’s thoughts as well, All in all though well done.

  • This reminded me of a video game that was announced recently. A cat has something strapped to their back, they’re like messengers or whatever, but the streets and alleys are infested with robots.

    I kinda wish his language was a bit more busted and rough, being a street cat and all. But I really like the concept, although the orange hair was a…[Read more]

  • Oof, sorry about the late reply and the structure of my comment. Didn’t mean to come off as a bit of a dick. But I mean in general, expanding your vocabulary can be a good way to put your abstract thoughts onto paper. Also, it’ll help you learn to simplify your writing.

    I’d definitely suggest picking up some YA novels, The Twilight Saga is a…[Read more]

  • This is an interesting one, the bird’s eye view nature of the story makes you feel so far removed from it. It’s a little disorienting because it starts out in Erevan’s eyes, but then walks away and looks at the action. Then, as it comes to a close, we’re back with Erevan, just as closer as we were in the opening. Definitely toy with the story some…[Read more]

  • There’s something weird about the unfocused writing, every scene just stumbles into the next. I’d suggest reading more, broaden how you express actions. Overall, I like it!

  • How Do People Care? by Cristofr Gracie#Her laptop’s keyboard emanates a soft red light. The bright, bulky controller sat in her bony fingers. She flicked and mashed at the buttons. A pixelated blob that was c […]

  • Cris Gracie changed their profile picture 6 months, 2 weeks ago

  • I Want My Mom (Humid Days & Therapists) by Cristofr Gracie

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    A couple years ago, I met someone who meant the world to me. His name was Robin. We sat in that room lit with bright orange lights. Steps ran down […]

    • Gracie this is a good story. The introductory sentence is a spark and the narration that follows afterward is very detailed.

  • One thing I really like is how you’re not sure if they’re antagonism is violent or erotic. Clothes might tore off or someone might be stabbed in the next 50 words or so. I like it!

  • Matte by Cristofr Gracie#The sun morphed the sky into a myriad of colors. Deep indigos gave way to a shining orange glow. The hills sang as the light breeze flew through trees and across the deep cuts of land. I […]

    • there seems to be two stories here instead of a paragraph of a memory for the painting story line. but very good details, i can see it all happening. nice idea for the prompt.
      -db

  • Jude is one person and the pronouns are my bad, they should be corrected now.
    But thank you so much for taking the time to read! I actually thought I used too much punctuation, but I’ll be sure to make some adjustments in the future.

  • I don’t know what Jude is, they’re a person I like and that’s all that matters, fuck it.    It’s the first weekend I haven’t taken my painkillers since school started. The loneliness can leave me paralyzed and […]

    • It sounds like you have rich imagination with experience to tell a story of insecurity, drug addiction, and gender confusion. I was a bit confused by the choppiness of the writing at first. Later I found the lack of punctuation hard to follow. At times you refer to Jude as they (making me feel as if she were a Siamese twin). Other times, you refer to her as she, which confused me – is Jude one person or two?
      I can see the potential in your story to be told — you’re covering great, relevant topics. Consider reading your story out loud and to yourself so that you can hear aloud where it might get confusing to the reader. Then, use your punctuation to really help the reader follow your main characters’ thoughts and actions. Best of luck to you. Keep writing.

      • Jude is one person and the pronouns are my bad, they should be corrected now.
        But thank you so much for taking the time to read! I actually thought I used too much punctuation, but I’ll be sure to make some adjustments in the future.

  • I love how it all built up, you know next to nothing about the character. But as the story unfolds, we learn a lot about them, their life, and job. Office coffee is also ordered en masse from different companies, but for some reason it’s always the same company somehow.

  • It’s kinda weird how time works, huh? When we experience it, it’s like nothing ever changes, even the subtle changes of breaking out of your teens into your twenties do changes feel real. Six years seems like a lot, it is a lot, but Carla is clearly still there and here at the same time. Her resentment, while dulled and softened, is still a…[Read more]

  • Funerals are weird because they tend to bring out the most bizarre oddities out of people. The opinions of others truly shine when those others are laying in a box. Your portrayal of that is excellent. I love how she silently accuses her mother of readying her vocal cords to put on as much of a show as she accuses others of. It also seems like she…[Read more]

  • The waiting area was round, a glass table sits in the center of rainbow colored, plastic chairs. The air is light and cool, a relief from the suffocating humidity of the outdoors. Madeline listened to what was […]

    • Hi Cristofr I really enjoyed the story on the way it flowed. Your descriptions of very good and helped to create the necessary imagery of this piece. I am so if it was intentional or not but I like the way you repeat the beginning towards the end of the story. Very interesting characters and I think you have the ability to progress the story and these the characters further. Well done!

  • In high school, I had these friends. They were all obsessed with video games, I never was until I met them. They banded together to buy me an Xbox for my birthday. A game called Halo was what kept us occupied […]

    • That was a very interesting story, that kept me reading all the way through. However, you kept switching from past to present tense which is something you should try to rectify. Overall the story was well written.

    • Hi Chris!
      Very intriguing story you came up with this month!
      I agree with Athina about the tense changes. It was something I struggled with a lot in the past and I’m better after a lot of practice. Though I still catch myself trying to write present tense when I should be writing past! lol

      ‘The questions got worst, my sinuses filled with an unsurmountable pressure, my stomach tightened, my nose tingled, my vision went blurry, my nose started running.’
      The detail in this sentence is excellent! But the use commas is overdone. I would try separating it with a period, like this:
      ((The questions got worse. My sinuses filled with an insurmountable pressure, stomach tightened in knots and my nose tingled. My vision so blurry I felt nauseous.))
      Something like that.
      Great work and good luck with next months prompt!
      Hyle

    • Painting one’s own vulnerabilities and having the courage to watch them is admirable. It’s actually strong. which is a bit ironic, considering a person’s feeling at that moment is of weakness.

      Needing to make a connection with others is a tricky business. the more one goes after it, the more elusive it becomes. Sometimes with no other reason other than wanting it a bit too much. The question then becomes, why does that lonely girl seek that connection ‘a bit too much’? I think that alluding to this part of her character would give the story more depth.

      You went for a memoir narrative, which is lovely and intimate. But I think I felt often that I needed to know more. I couldn’t make up my mind whether her friends and family were the toxic types, who would ignore a friend in need? or whether she pushed them away somehow?

      The idea and feel of your story are touching. Who doesn’t need true closeness in our day and age? and who doesn’t seek fulfillment in other interests when meaningful relationships are scarce?

Cris Gracie

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