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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 2 weeks ago
Thanks Srivalli – I’m glad you “got it”. Hopefully the tighter style adds a dash of menace
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 2 weeks ago
Thanks Christian – I quite enjoy “going dark” sometimes with my writing – I can take on a different persona!!
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Thanks Ann
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Thanks Pam. This little outline could lead to many red herrings and twists…
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Aah – another story writer. All power to your pen
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Thanks Peggy – it was a fun piece to work on!
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Hi Jane – I imagined him shuffling and mumbling down the stairs when ??? It almost feels like flash-fiction to me which is why I was a bit unsure about how well it would work
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Hi Thandie – yes, I took the narrator as partner but if I got even more dark it could have been a money grabbing adult child who was after the huge inheritance!! I think I’ll stop at irritated partner..
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Clare commented on the post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Aha – I wondered if there was too much backstory and of course several consequences to follow.. Thanks for reading my poem
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Clare wrote a new post, Explanation by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
I’d warned him
about
the loose rug,
the polished stairs.
He flapped the paper
at me
in reply.
“He didn’t listen,”
I told the officer.
“He was stubborn,”
I continued.
“He was walking
in front of me,” […]
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Clare commented on the post, We all Slip by Thomas W. Case 2 months, 3 weeks ago
This poem changes direction quite abruptly after the first stanza. Your account of the bus ride is rich in detail, which is rounded off in the final stanza with the wise reminder to us all to tread more softly and with wisdom-based caution.
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Clare commented on the post, Magic Salt Lamp by Jane Bradshaw 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Wow Jane – I bet this took some hard work to master and to make your words fit and flow. It appears effortless, which is part of your skill. Thanks for sharing this piece with us
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Clare commented on the post, A Curse On He Who Left His Dog’s Faeces On The Pavement by Pam Muller 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Wonderful!! And yes, don’t we all wish these curses on such thoughtless people – they seem to be a universal pest.. Thanks for the smile Pam, and the crafty witchy olde worlde way you’ve played with words.
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Clare commented on the post, 2xHaiku by AnnKleinn 2 months, 3 weeks ago
The Alzheimer’s Haiku is so very poignant and so very real… Ouch. Well captured and taut, both of the Haikus
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Clare commented on the post, The Difference between Life and Death by Christian Donovan 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Very neat ordering, Christian – of constructed items and situations, the human body and then accidents linking into acts of war. Such a fine thread, this place we call life. Thanks for reminding us of how precious our lives are…
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Clare commented on the post, Slip (4) Haiku by Amana 2 months, 3 weeks ago
I enjoy your tight choice of words and brevity of these four pieces but I’m not sure that they fit the Haiku formula that is taught formally with its prescribed number of syllables per line etc? Your first piece resonates with me – that shadow aspect of ourselves that makes itself seen and vanishes so easily. Thanks for sharing your work
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Clare commented on the post, Sunscreen – Dianne Williams 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Hi Dianne – such a simple story told with humour and affection. I’d maybe look at editing the two references to feet (lines 2 and 3). And how real the filming to be shared now and in the future as entertainment! Thanks for the smile.
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Clare commented on the post, The Wait by Srivalli Rekha 2 months, 3 weeks ago
I loved the “dark waves winking and flirting” and enjoyed the sense of this woman waiting on the seashore.
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Thomas Case and
Clare are now friends 2 months, 3 weeks ago
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Clare commented on the post, Disturbance by Clare 2 months, 3 weeks ago
Thanks – often my thoughts are just as scattered…
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Did he fall or was he pushed? There’s a lot of backstory implied here. Nicely hinted
Aha – I wondered if there was too much backstory and of course several consequences to follow.. Thanks for reading my poem
Never too much. I need something to fire my imagination for my stories
Aah – another story writer. All power to your pen
I agree with Cathy. I assume it’s his wife or partner telling the story? Very cheeky
Hi Thandie – yes, I took the narrator as partner but if I got even more dark it could have been a money grabbing adult child who was after the huge inheritance!! I think I’ll stop at irritated partner..
But if he was walking in front of her, up the stairs, how did he slip and fall down without taking her with him……… mmm interesting. It is a bit of a micro-story – who dunnit. I liked it Clare, well done:)
Hi Jane – I imagined him shuffling and mumbling down the stairs when ??? It almost feels like flash-fiction to me which is why I was a bit unsure about how well it would work
love the micro-story, it works really well.
Thanks Peggy – it was a fun piece to work on!
Hi Clare,
Ooo, I suspect there might have been some foul play, a push, a trip, let’s call it a slip. Clever. Well done on the prompt.
Thanks Pam. This little outline could lead to many red herrings and twists…
Your ‘bit of experimenting’ produced a brilliant piece. Very well executed.
Thanks Ann
Hello Clare,
I liked this story – it hints at dark deeds by the narrator. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks Christian – I quite enjoy “going dark” sometimes with my writing – I can take on a different persona!!
Too good. I like the abrupt sentences and the hint of the sinister act. Love this one.
Thanks Srivalli – I’m glad you “got it”. Hopefully the tighter style adds a dash of menace