• Hi Sharon
    This isn’t too bad at all for a last-minute entry. I know that feeling though, way too well these days. I really enjoyed the story. You captured that jealousy and tension in your MC so well, and I like how you ended it – that relief instead of regret, her not even missing her own sister when she leaves, because of what she’s produced in…[Read more]

  • Thank you, Amrita. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Its true, it’s not nearly what I want it to be. I have it all in my head still, and I’ll be re writing it. The wordcount didn’t do it the justice I’d have liked, but it was too late to start something out. This is more like a preview, even a skeleton. I don’t know how familiar you are with Celtic…[Read more]

  • Thanks so much, Charles. I’m definitely going to re write this one. I’ve intended to since I wrote it and the wordcount proved so very short. I’m glad you had fun reading, and that your own imagination went so wild after reading! I so appreciate your time and comment.

  • Thank you so much, Jeff. I’m glad you had fun reading this story, and I so appreciate your time and comment.

  • Hi June
    This is such a poignant story, showing that whisper of regret and nostalgia among the happy memories so beautifully. It’s so immersive and detailed, and it really puts the reader in the world of those girls. This is a wonderful read. Well done

  • Hi Jeff
    True to your style in this one, and such a great, fast-paced story. I love the dynamic between your MC and his dog. It’s so real, how you capture that kind of friendship, or partnership even. This is a fun, exciting, feel-good read. Well done

  • Hi Charles
    I always look forward to your stories, and you really just made my day with this one. The idea of leaving your characters in limbo, I think about it too much sometimes, haha. Excellent, thoroughly entertaining piece, as always. Well done

  • Thank you so much, Pam. I’m really glad you enjoyed this one. I had a lot of fun with it. I’m just sorry I ran out of words. I have a longer short story planned for this, however. I wanted to get in more about the faeries and the village, more about Shane’s conflict of staying or selling up, more about his family and that only they can make the…[Read more]

  • Hi Pam
    This is an awesome bit of writing. I enjoyed reading it from the POV of Cindy. It did give it a bit of an R.L. Stine feel near the end, but in the best of ways. I followed the story just fine, and I love how slowly and intentionally it unfolded. The supernatural element served its purpose so well, and the revelation about Patrick and Jack…[Read more]

  • Hi Patty
    This is such a sweet, uplifting story, and such a joy to read. I always enjoy your darker stuff, but I loved this just as much. My commenting brain still needs a lot of warming up, haha, so I’m going to keep this to this point, for now. Thank you for presenting something so enjoyable, yet again.

  • Hi Ben
    I really love how you wove such complexity through such a simple, yet effective story. You bring up the question of motives so well, adding the right amount of backstory and colouring the characters perfectly. I really enjoyed this piece, and the end made it that much better, where the lines between real love and practical need begin to…[Read more]

  • Hi Ana
    It’s been a while again. I’m disappointed I didn’t have it in me last month, but letting it go did me good. For the first time in ages, I had fun with a short story, and I have the mind again to engage in the work on this group. I’ve missed it, and I’m glad to be reading your stories again. You weave a stunning, vivid picture in this…[Read more]

  • Shane Ryan pulled himself out of his car and stood, his arms slack at his sides. His eyes shifted side to side under a furrowed brow.β€œAre we lost?” said his wife, stepping beside him, her expression mimicking his […]

    • Ooo, that one had a strange twist. Cool! An inheritance with a difference. They should have left some moonshine in a bowl for the faeries to appease them, from each batch, the way folks would have done in the olden days. I like that the faerie folk are not cute or pretty but rather scary. I like the way you increase the tension with everyone carrying shotguns. I wasn’t sure if Ryan and Freya were going to see the next day at all.

      • Thank you so much, Pam. I’m really glad you enjoyed this one. I had a lot of fun with it. I’m just sorry I ran out of words. I have a longer short story planned for this, however. I wanted to get in more about the faeries and the village, more about Shane’s conflict of staying or selling up, more about his family and that only they can make the stuff the allows the village to see the faeries, maybe dip into a bit of the survival horror genre. I’m pleased with what I did manage though, and I’m glad it got you hooked in some way, haha. I really appreciate the feedback and your time!

        • I see how it would be tempting to expand the story although the limited word count version worked well. You could write a longer short story or even turn it into a novella or novel if you wanted. There is lots of scope for writing more here.

    • Yes, that is an inheritance. And more than just the house. Second story I read about inheriting a house in the ‘woods.’ This is more than that. Thanks for the fun read.

      • Thank you so much, Jeff. I’m glad you had fun reading this story, and I so appreciate your time and comment.

    • Chantel, I think you need to step away for a moment then expand this story. You have so many cool ways to make this into a super continuing story. Bring in ghosts and ghouls into it. Haunt the place if you want. Gateway to Hell – no problem. Turn it into a battlefield for angels and demons. What I’m trying to say is you have a terrific idea that just needs to be watered with your imagination. You have a great beginning of a story – so don’t waste it. I’m looking forward to reading the next installment.

      • Thanks so much, Charles. I’m definitely going to re write this one. I’ve intended to since I wrote it and the wordcount proved so very short. I’m glad you had fun reading, and that your own imagination went so wild after reading! I so appreciate your time and comment.

    • Hi Chantel,
      This was such an interesting story! As I read your opening lines, it reminded me of an episode from My Roanoke Nightmare in AHS. The idea of a farm house in an isolated area, standing alone creates an aura of mystery and does creep out a person. I was thrilled when I saw that Ryan and Freya discovered their means of getting rich. The tension built-up was nice till they reached the pub where everyone had guns. I was reading with bated breath. But the end took me by surprise. It’s always great to add a horror element to a narrative like this. But I was a little confused towards the end when suddenly fairies pop up. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like the ending was just a little rushed. I don’t mean to criticise your writing skills, it is amazing how you have scripted the story. But I felt like it all happened too sudden. Other than that, it was an immersive read packed with action, suspense and mystery. Great story! Thank you for sharing!

      • Thank you, Amrita. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. Its true, it’s not nearly what I want it to be. I have it all in my head still, and I’ll be re writing it. The wordcount didn’t do it the justice I’d have liked, but it was too late to start something out. This is more like a preview, even a skeleton. I don’t know how familiar you are with Celtic – specifically Irish – folklore and culture. The story, without the length and the re writes, works better, I think, for someone who has had a decent amount of exposure to it; who really knows the folklore and the culture, because faeries suddenly showing up in an obscure Celtic village is never a surprise, haha. The discovery of the still was also intended to be them discovering where their grandfather got his money. Shane really just wants to sell up and get on with his life. One of the conflicts in the re write will be him wrestling with staying and making the moonshine for the village, or leaving them vulnerable and going home. I really appreciate the feedback. You’re right in this being rushed, in way, for sure. Well, more like constrained, I suppose. Thanks again, for the time and comment xxx

        • Hi again Chantel,
          I liked this! I feel a bit spoiled because I always expect a brilliant ending from you, but the thing is you never disappoint.
          Yes, it’s rushed – noticeable mainly in the way you jump from sentence to sentence and through the actions, without a more subtle bridging (as they say, the first draft is us telling the story to ourselves). But so what? It’s already pretty good and just needs some polishing and embelleshing. And I’m not saying this to put honey on your mouth I swear.
          The beginning gave me vibes to some Stephen King’s short stories (dunno if you’ll like the comparison, but I think his short pieces are really good). And when the townfolk appeared, I thought of the movie Straw Dogs… That I think would be really interesting to dig in -the greedy city couple and the moonshine, gun-wielding rednecks… And add fairies to the mix, it’s a whole new and original level. Yes, the wordcount did not help this time, but good you want to pick this up further on and I’m curious to see where it can take you. Damn good job!

          • Thank you so much, Ana. I’m always thrilled by a Stephen King comparison (I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to him. I can read him all day, haha.) I wish I could’ve let out everything that’s in my head for this story. I wrote it so late, so I didn’t have time to find another idea, and I literally just had to cut things as I went. Considering all that, it didn’t turn out too badly, in my own opinion. But rushed isn’t even the word! I’m glad you enjoyed it, in spite of the flaws, and I appreciate you lingering on the positives. This is basically a pitch for a bigger idea, and I just decided to let it be that while I was writing.

    • Hi Chantel, I loved this one, it was so much fun and you’ve unfolded it for us so perfectly. I did not see the twist of the malevolent fairies coming at all, that was awesome! I’m so excited to read that you want to expand this story further, it’s a brilliant idea and I just hope we’ll get to read it πŸ™‚ xxxx

    • Hi Chantel,
      I loved the way your story flowed.
      The words you used were beautiful and I could see the story on the page.
      I used to live on a farm and am a shotgun person so I related well.
      Loved the faeries. We need different in our lives lately.
      Thanks for your story.

    • Hi Chantel. Yes, I can see this story developing into something more than the limited word count you had to use. I do think the introduction of the faeries came very late in the piece, although I understand you would need some element of surprise for your reader. I love the images in the story and you have even managed to create some distinct characters in the piece, despite the limited word count. I do hope you work on this piece at a later date, it’s well worth the effort. Well done!

      • Thank you so much, June. Yes, the wordcount killed me this month. A lot more was meant to happen in this piece, but I don’t hate what came out. I’m excited to sit properly with it and do it justice. I so appreciate your time and kind feedback.

    • Chantel, this is hilarious! Absolutely love your fairies with needle teeth and blue eyes – they are very scary and I thought you did a great job with the foreshadowing, having Darra shoot at something unexplained, while collecting the crates. But even better is the villagers matter-of-fact way of dealing with the implied threat they represent. And poor old Shane, he’s obviously going to be trapped there, making the moonshine or whatever it is. In some ways, having a small word count forces you into a very quick pace with this tale, which I think rather suits it! Anyways, whether you lengthen it or leave it as it is, I really enjoyed this one, well done.

      • Thank you so much, Susan. I’m so happy you had fun reading this story. I really appreciate such lovely feedback, and I’m glad you did take note of some of the foreshadowing. And you’re right, these sort wordcounts force a person to really think about what’s necessary for a story, and makes you consider what’s actually the best for it. Thanks again, for your time and your comment.

    • HI Chantel
      This was a fun story–you did a good job showing that Shane and Freya were unfamiliar with rural settings. The story unfolded very well and the pace was good. The dialogue was natural and flowed well. I would suggest in your re-write that you introduce at least the topic of mythological creatures or those that can’t be seen who create mischief. The surprise can then be that Shane’s family moonshine is the secret of winning out over the creatures.
      You described your setting very well–I could certainly imagine it very well.
      I am looking forward to more installments of this story.

      • Thank you so much, Sudha. I’m glad you enjoyed the story. As I said to Amrita, in a Celtic setting, faeries popping up isn’t really a surprise, though I did have to cut their introduction short for this wordcount. And I did want to establish the Celtic setting better, for sure. That, unfortunately, had to get lost for a bit here. So I certainly see how the entrance of the faeries come across as abrupt. The finished piece will have Shane’s conflict between staying or leaving at its center, and I do want the piece to flow into the Survival Horror genre while he figures out this world he’s inherited. As always, I so appreciate the feedback, and your time xxx

    • Hi Chantel, thoroughly enjoyed this story. I liked the descriptions and the way my mind jumped around thinking about what the old man could have been up to out there. When the young fella first shot his gun, I thought it might have been the ghost of the grandfather he shot at or something like that. The whole pub full of people with shotguns had me wondering why, and if in fact Steve and his wife were in a lot of trouble. So I was surprised by the evil faeries when they appeared. But I really liked the surprise, it was a good one. And now we have to wait to find out what Shane and Freya are going to do, and if they have any idea how to make magical moonshine.
      One tiny edit required here: He climbed onto it, and pulled at handle on the ceiling. – pulled at the handle on the ceiling or pulled the handle on the ceiling.
      Really well done, good luck with the continuation.

      • Thank you do much, Jane. I’m glad you enjoyed the story, and that it had your head going, haha. As always, I so appreciate your time and your comment.

    • Haha oh my goodness, this story started off wonderfully and just got better and better. What a twist at the end – I did NOT see that coming. Laughed my head off. What a brilliant BRILLIANT fun read. Utterly gorgeous. You definitely need to publish this.

      Only one sentence slowed me down – at the beginning you have a repeat of a word in the same sentence that I stumbled on: there is a ‘stack of crates stacked’ outside the door.

      This is my favourite story so far this month πŸ™‚

      • Thank you so much, Ruth, for such a lovely comment. I’m really happy that you enjoyed this story, and had so much fun reading it. Thank you, too, for that catch with the word repetition. I can’t believe I missed that! I’m going to fix it straight away. I very much appreciate your time and your feedback.

    • Chantal……your late-night brilliance dazzles me. I’m not even kidding. You are a true wordsmith and I love reading your stories. This one definitely does not disappoint!
      xxx
      Patty

    • Hello Chantel!
      You have a great story her, no matter if you wanted more polished.
      The idea original and a fresh take on the prompt.
      I would enjoy reading a polished version, when you have edited, as much, as you would like to.
      Thank you for sharing! πŸ™‚

  • Chantel started taking the course 52 Scenes | 2021 3 months, 2 weeks ago

  • Thank you so much, Ben. I’m so pleased this did do what I intended it to, on some level, and especially that you understood it. Thank you for such a kind and encouraging comment xxx

  • A perfect fit for the prompt, Jeff. Well done on getting a true experience into such a well-ordered story. I enjoyed this, and you pulling from your life experiences really takes your writing to the next level. Well done

  • So sorry for the late reply, Jeff. I’m sorry to hear about your wife. I hope she’s doing better. I can only imagine the struggle for both of you. I’m really glad you’re still writing, and using your experiences to add to world. Take care.

  • Hi Ben
    This is such a great piece of writing. I like the change in form for you. You pull it off really well, and this is an excellent use of the prompt. This is one of the best of the month, by far. Well done xxx

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Chantel

Profile picture of Chantel

@chantelily

Active 1 hour, 48 minutes ago
Short Story : 5
Poetry : 2
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0