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  • Oh noooo!!! I love the switch into Liam’s mind to show us how disturbed the guy is, such a contrast from the last scene where he was pretending to be normal and subdued by his meds. Fabulous descriptions of the storm in this scene again and I am so worried for Curtis and Brianna now… Congratulations on ramping up the tension!

  • Oh my gosh, I can’t believe they let him in!!! I love your descriptions of the storm and I think for once Liam is telling the truth – it is going to be a long night! 🙂

  • Thank you, Georgiana. I’m so glad you’re still enjoying it!

  • Kate continued finning underwater towards the endless blue ahead, putting all her strength and frustration into her kicks. She was desperate to put as much distance between her and Dreamweaver as she could manage […]

    • Oh you mean person! If I hadn’t done a similar cliffhanger, I’d be upset! As it is, I’ll be on tinterhooks until next week.

      Loved the dolphins, but I was a little afraid of them. What an experience! Also loved Jacqui…quite a gem of a character!
      thanks for a great story!
      G

    • Ah Ben what have you done…gone and left us high and dry with a week until all is revealed !! I remember Jacqui’s bar lady wisdom from last year and it is spot on, accent and all!! Love this scene, including the slightly malevolent dolphin. Also the comprehension as Pierre guesses from the direction of Kate’s look at the bench where the tanks were that he has been rumbled. Great work, even if you didn’t do much to it. x

    • So much happened here and then you left me hanging but that’s okay, i’m off to find out now. Great couple of scenes. I loved the description of the dolphin. The brief but very succinct scene with Pierre. Then Jacqui’s advice. well done!

  • Oh my gosh! I am so glad you told me about the missing part. You have done an utterly tremendous job of writing their fight, it’s so poignant and heart-breaking. My heart sank further and further as their words sliced at each other, deeper and deeper. You’ve added so much depth to both their characters and the story of their relationship with this…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much for the lovely comment Fiona, and thank you for spotting the ‘hidden’ hiding in plain sight, I’ll change that on my main manuscript right now 🙂

  • Hi Deryn, the gallery confrontation is superb, so in keeping with what we expect of Fran! I loved the “…wish me luck…” comment that left us in no doubt as to Fran’s intentions. Also, the way she congratulates Brigette whilst looking at her bump but then slams her down and shows who’s in control by implying she was only referring to the art.…[Read more]

  • Oh, poor Brigid. As if it wasn’t bad having to deal with her loss, the resulting strain between her and Jack must be horribly painful. You’ve written the whole thing with such sensitivity, really well done.

  • Ben Hunt commented on the post, Week 18 Autumn 1917 1 month ago

    Hi Fiona, great job on some very powerful scenes here. It was very cleverly done how you related what happened to Thomas Ashe through the conversation around the fireplace. The injustice and outrage of it all come through so strongly through the characters’ conversations and visible emotions.
    The march was also wonderfully portrayed, the sense of…[Read more]

  • You are officially my editor-in-chief! 🙂 Thank you so much for these, you have no idea how grateful I am.

  • Thank you, Georgiana. Yes, the longer it goes on the harder it’s going to get for her to reveal the truth…

  • Thank you so much, Sudha.

  • Thank you Fiona and sorry for the delay in responding. I’ve taken on a new role at work so it’s been manic. I’m currently in bed with Covid though so I get the upside is that I’m now able to catch up on my reading…

  • Hi Fiona, thank you so much. Yes, I agree with you that Kate needs to grow through this experience. I’m not entirely sure I’ve got that arc where I want it to yet so thank you for the reminder.

  • Hi Deryn, sorry for the late response. Thank you so much for the pick up and the lovely comments. Currently in bed with Covid so the upside is I can finally catch up on my reading…

  • “Do you want to come with me, Miss Kate?” Momo asked. “I can teach you how to catch a crab. It is very useful, you know.”

    “Thank you, Momo, that’s kind of you but I’ll pass if that’s ok.”

    Kate hoped no one wasn […]

    • Deryn replied 1 month ago

      Hi Ben – how nerve wracking for Kate to have Matt and Pierre in cahoots like this and with Danny the creep – her own cover as Matt’s ex could be blown at any minute but I guess that pales in significance next to what happens in this scene. I don’t remember the transfer of the tanks in the original version – but it’s better than having them dumped in the water and works really well.
      I don’t have much to add this week except maybe:

      • the Golden Ocean boat bobbed up and down next to DW (you could leave out ‘boat’)
      • Where the sun rays no longer reached (maybe sun’s rays)
      • So about it, sweet pea (missed out the ‘ how’ about it)

      But this is great plotting. Well done x

      • You are officially my editor-in-chief! 🙂 Thank you so much for these, you have no idea how grateful I am.

    • oh noooo! Pierre and Matt and Danny AND JP all in cahoots? Talk about a nightmare! I don’t blame Kate for wanting to get away…they’ve stolen the peace of the ocean from her.

      Sigh. Great story, great creepy villains. and one questionable hero?

      Come up Kate, there’s a lot of story left!
      G

    • Oh no! My heart is sinking with Kate. What a wonderful tangle (not for Kate) you are weaving. the build up has been so great and we certainly didn’t see the collusion of Matt and Pierre. What happens next? Is anyone honest? Poor Kate. She gonna need a new boat! Great Stuff

      • PS tiny thing you have two ‘hiddens’ in the line about the Ray in the sand.

        • Thank you so much for the lovely comment Fiona, and thank you for spotting the ‘hidden’ hiding in plain sight, I’ll change that on my main manuscript right now 🙂

  • Hi Georgiana, who knew there could be this much heat before a storm? 😉
    Great scene and I’m so glad these two finally got together. I especially loved the scene in the outdoor shower. That was just the perfect amount of teasing and expectation – so steamy! Just one tiny question went through my mind – what was Brianna wearing at the time? I’m…[Read more]

  • Hi Deryn, oh my gosh, you really are doing a proper rewrite! I was blown away by the changes you’ve made and how you’re integrating Bernard and the evolution of their relationship in the story this time around. The paragraph where she reviews their history so far is absolutely perfect in doing that, as are their awkward interactions throughout…[Read more]

  • “Ah, there you are! I was looking for you. Are you ok?”

    Kate looked up. The blinding sun behind Willow shaded her features whilst turning the loose wispy strand of her blond hair into a fuzzy halo of blazing gol […]

    • Hi Ben – I love the fact that we can imagine how the guests have all been talking about Kate and Pierre and rooting for them behind their backs as it were (I imagine Matt won’t have had much to say!)
      Also, the arrival of Danny’s boat diffusing and deferring Kate and Pierre’s conversation about the tanks is great tension building and delaying the moment we find out the truth. I also love that Kate acknowledges that she, too has something to hide…
      One pick up
      You know, you ain’t half scrub up well in a bikini,”
      Ain’t is ‘ haven’t ‘ or ‘aren’t’ so you could say ‘ Ain’t you just so cute in a bikini, or just don’t you scrub up well – and him rubbing lotion into his thighs…ugh!
      Great scenes xx

      • Hi Deryn, sorry for the late response. Thank you so much for the pick up and the lovely comments. Currently in bed with Covid so the upside is I can finally catch up on my reading…

        • Deryn replied 1 month ago

          Oh no the dreaded C – I have (touch wood) managed to avoid it all this time so am still wearing my mask in public. Hope you’re feeling better x

    • I love Momo even more now. Yes, the arrival of Danny on the scene is a great interuption and now we have to wait for the ‘talk’ again. Pierre’s reaction to having to talk is curious as is his aversion to explaining the tanks. We know they’ll get over the talks (well at least i hope we know 🙂 but you build the tension so well. And yes everyone rooting for them when they think they are being careful. Great stuff.

      • Thank you Fiona and sorry for the delay in responding. I’ve taken on a new role at work so it’s been manic. I’m currently in bed with Covid though so I get the upside is that I’m now able to catch up on my reading…

        • Omgoodness, mind yourself. You’re good to be reading at all. Darn covid is getting everyone!

    • Sudha replied 1 month ago

      Hi Ben,
      Been reading but not always commenting. I love this story. You were very clever to interrupt Pierre and Kate’s conversation with the annoying and possibly dangerous Danny. The thoughts that Kate has when she compares herself to Willow, whose lifestyle seems s much more uncomplicated on the outside, are a great way to show us that she is a different person and doesn’t fall for someone that easily. But when she does, it’s a relationship she wants, not an “easy fling”. It makes the reader like her character even more.
      You used Momo here as a great way to temporarily defuse the tension at the end of the scenes.

    • Ahhh, snorkeling time! Can’t believe so many have come so far and are staying on the boat.
      the scene feels whole…of course Danny is there to spoil the unspoiled place, and of course Kate and Pierre get interrupted! The scene with Momo is fun…I never pictured him with a belly!
      the only thing that bothered me was Kate insisting on honesty, but instead of telling Pierre about Matt, she goes back to the tanks, I feel like she should offer her secret before expecting the Captain to give up his.
      okay, let’s see some fish!
      G

      • Thank you, Georgiana. Yes, the longer it goes on the harder it’s going to get for her to reveal the truth…

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Ben Hunt

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@benhunt

Active 1 week, 3 days ago
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