fbpx
  • Kane woke with a start as a cannonball crash landed on his bed. The grinning face of Hana, stared back at him as he blinked the sleep from his eyes.

    “Wake up! It’s Christmas!” she shrieked excitedly, attem […]

    • This is such a sweet story, Ash. I love the contrast you’ve shown between the two houses and the compassion of Kane. Really lovely.

    • Hi Ash, a nice festive story filled with movement, which I enjoy. I did read it a couple of times as there is Hana and Hannah but soon got the mist of it. Good read and we’ll done.

    • Beautiful story. I like the relationship between Hanna and Kane and the love in Kane’s household. Its a beautiful window into different people’s circumstances during the holidays, but also people’s generosity when it comes to thinking of someone else and how we can be a blessing to them.

  • Jellanon collapsed, staring at the arrow protruding from his own neck; how had it come to this? ‘Join a secret organization,’ they said. ‘It will be fun, ‘ they said. ‘There will be rampaging and pillagi […]

    • Hi Ash.MK,

      An interesting read! I love the connection between the starting and ending of this piece. Your descriptions were riveting and I love Jellanon’s reflection in the first paragraph regretting his circumstances. Nice use of the prompt!

    • It sounds like one heck of a D & D adventure! You did a great job of bringing us right into the action and keeping it moving along. I enjoyed the part where they underestimated the woman – it happens so often in adventuring games! You gave us a nice sense of mystery about the identity of the second person. A fun, fast read. Thank you for sharing!

    • Hello Ash,
      This was a wonderful read for me. the guards under estimating the woman was so funny to read. especially when he realised why the love left.
      I love the last lines of the first paragraph where he had to ask himself “prove yourself as what exactly?” and how he realised he hadn’t proven anything to anyone.
      I like the character “Jellanon” he has such a sarcastic mind, still finding time to amuse himself while dying. He is also very self aware, calling out himself on his choices.

  • Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
    Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly

    My heart flutters as the notification lights up my screen. It’s you. I can’t bel […]

    • Well, I liked the way you selected and used the borrowed lyrics. They gave a structure to your MC’s development which I thought was effective. This was very intense and well written with the MC’s feelings expressed in an almost poetical way. I particularly liked: “I’m grateful you aren’t here to see how silly you make me, but at the same time wishing you could find a way to be.” and “I break a little more each time under the pressure of holding onto us as well as holding myself together”. You take us through MC’s ups and the downs and end on a positive and hopeful note. A good read. Thanks.

    • This is filled with so much emotion. I love the way you put pieces of the song in your story and then elaborated on them. I’m so glad the ending is uplifting and full of love. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece.

    • Strong use of song lyrics to trace the evolution and cycles of a relationship. The speaker’s growth is evident, and the reader finds herself cheering the relationship on despite all the struggles it’s caused. Thank you for sharing.

  • The ground shook as another explosion rocked the street. Car alarms blared, triggered by the shaking ground and falling masonry as dust and rubble filled the air around the collapsed parking garage. People seemed […]

    • Cool take on the prompt! My favourite line was: ““It’s tough being a legacy isn’t it?” Soul asked, with a sympathetic look.” I liked the theme this raises, that idea of the weight of your parents expectations. The speech in the second half was engaging, and I thought written in a way that made it easy to read.

      I was a little confused here: ““Oh no, I’m quaking,” Blinding Light sneered.
      “Have it your way,” Lodestone shrugged, and launched himself forward.”

      Because it jumps to a bit later and I didn’t understand what had happened until later when they explain BL got away. Some writers use a ‘*’ to denote a scene charge I’ve noticed, or maybe just a text base hint cold work like, ‘Later’ or ‘When’?

      For me, the beginning was a little description heavy, and felt like it took a while to understand the context and the main story plot. But, once it hit the speech it took off and was really engaging.

      Overall a great take on the prompt, I love the theme of a burdensome legacy and I think you could do loads with these characters in this setting.

    • Hi there.

      I’m not sure what your name is, so sorry for no better welcome! This is tense and thrilling, especially the first part. After that the mellowing seemed a little out of context, but I get where you’re going. The dialogue breaks up the story better, though I can see why it takes till halfway through to begin it.

      Nice read.

      Martin

    • This was an epic story. I loved the variety of characters and I loved how the descriptions of them all clearly defined who was who in the team. An excellent way to use the prompt, with children inheriting their parents’ expectations and what they decide to do with that. The dialogue was smooth and easy to read and felt like a conversation rather than a forced narrative for plot explanation. Thanks for a really fun story and I hope to read more about these kids in the future.

  • Ash.MK started taking the course 30 Days of Dialogue 5 months, 1 week ago

  • Ash.MK started taking the course 52 Scenes | 2021 5 months, 1 week ago

  • Thistledown slipped out through the cottage door, closing it carefully behind her. The stone of the front step was cold against her socked feet, but she didn’t rush as she slipped her toes into the sturdy l […]

    • Yes why indeed would they want to turn some of those silly townspeople to stone, I would be tempted to think some deserved it from the sound of it. yet flowers area better idea, I did hear someplace once hat if people were plants depending on their good or poor nature some would come up weeds and some flowers so maybe Thistledown would have her work cut out making them all flowers.
      A nice gentle story, well written and with imaginative twists imbued with a few morals about how we might think better of people we see as different. Brings to mind the Salem witch trials or the East Anglia witch hunts. thank you for sharing.

    • I really enjoyed this. An imaginative way to approach the theme and I loved the twist – turning the silly villagers into flowers instead of stones as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I loved Thistledown. Her cool handling of the village idiots, her kindness and care for the other villagers – there was something both wise and light about her. The name was very well chosen. The dialogue was natural and entertaining and brought the tale and the characters to life vividly. Great attention to detail – my mouth was watering for one of those crumbles!

    • This was an amazing piece! Thistledown and her family being genuine witches and yet almost the whole village is so welcoming and accepting of them was a lovely twist. And the way she was honest about turning people into something else and it was taken as a joke was great. At least the awful Claude made a lovely rose bush, though I do hope the guy asking about the fruit crumbles was one of those that ran away. (Also, the small interaction with the cat in the beginning was genius. Clearly you have had your own interactions with just such a cat.)

  • “What are you two arguing about?” 

    I looked up from my work as my mother’s voice called up the stairs. I rolled my chair back, and stood, rolling my eyes at my boyfriend as I walked from the room.  […]

    • This was lots of fun to read. Enjoyed it very much.

    • Hi Ash. This is brilliant – funny, creative and very real. Loved it. Great use of the prompt and the really small word-count. Thank you.

    • Love this. Nicely written and realistic dialogue. Great fun and creative use of the prompt.

    • Great imaginative take on the prompt! Fun!

    • This was hilarious. And I completely agree, it’s clearly ‘picks’. And he can’t argue that it already being a word invalidates it because his response to ‘Dark Witch’ was ‘Ditch’ which is also already a word. Argument over. And I had so much fun reading it.

  • “Why did you not tell me?”

    The comfortable silence that had rested over the breakfast table froze, as did the fork halfway to her father’s mouth. The King’s eyes darted towards his daughter, she stared back at […]

    • Hello MK! I love the worldbuilding you do through dialogue in this story. I did wonder if we are using a more medieval model if it should be as okay for the princess daughter to call out her father as assertively as she did, even if she supposes herself to inherit the throne one day. Maybe she can take more liberties with him because she reminds him of her late mother or something. Anyway. It was interesting too, I didn’t feel sorry for the king with not knowing the rumors, but I could also relate to being left out of the loop because of being in a position of authority. But one of my fav things is that the guy in question, at least in the confines of this story, was not an illicit lover but someone who tried to kidnap her. Maybe they really are something romantic but i feel that trope gets a bit overdone. Definitely enjoyed this, thanks for sharing!

    • Hi Ash,

      This is an intriguing snippet of what is either a larger story, or is begging to be made into one.

      I enjoyed the reveal of the different crimes that the escapees had committed, and the fact that the last one was so personal certainly upped the tension at the end.

      I did spot a typo here: “after playing a tray of tea and biscuits” should be “after placing a tray of tea and biscuits”. I also think that you should look at some of the paragraph spacing – I expect that when you pasted it in it got messed up, but some of the paragraphs have been squished together. An easy fix for an easier read.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • I’m glad to see a continuation of the story of Princess Bianca and the mysterious man who broke out of prison. And can I just say that I adore the relationship you’ve depicted here, between a headstrong young princess and her overprotective but doting father, who is juggling his duties and his family responsibilities and coming up slightly short in both. This was lovely, and I applaud your excellent use of dialogue to move the story along. Well done!

  • Secrets Kept by Ash.MK

    #

    Bianca stared out of the window, lost in thought, her embroidery lying forgotten in her lap. From her tower room, she could see the waves crashing on the shore, the water sparkling under […]

    • Beautifully written. Your descriptions are lovely, and your depiction of the princess Bianca pulls us immediately into the story. Why is she brooding, what is being hidden from her? The suspense builds with every sentence and action, and then we know! But who is “he” and what has he to do with prisons, and slaughter, and magic? And how has it come about that a genteel, protected princess can be involved with all that? Keep writing!

    • OoOH who’s Him? A small mystery on our hands I see xD
      I loved the line “a Princess she may be, but weak damsel she was not.” I think it spoke a lot about Bianca’s character. It was a fun read that got me hooked. Nice work <3

    • Ash.MK, nicely done. You engaged us quickly. We are all cheering for the Princess who wants to be more than a lovely flower. She yearns to know the politics and news of the world, which is obviously being kept from her. And now she has a lover, that has escaped from prison. You go Girl! Good read, nice details. You placed us in your story and it was good.

    • This was a very intriguing look into the mind of what could have been an insipid princess protagonist. Instead, she’s portrayed as competent and complex and capable. And we could really feel her frustration at the way everyone assumes her thoughts and her needs without asking her, as well as understand that they do it out of concern for her rather than with any malicious intent. This was lovely and descriptive and now I need to know more.

  • The Dam Wall by Ash.MK

    #

    “Careful,” I murmured to myself as I gripped the edge of the plastic container with the tea towel. I had been waiting thirty minutes for this to defrost and heat through, and I was mor […]

    • Hi Ash. I enjoyed this piece. It is so real. I’m sure everyone has been through something like this at some point in their lives. Your 62 word sentence in paragraph two communicates her turmoil well.The real victory is when you pick yourself up after a meltdown and become a much stronger you.Keep writing.

    • Hi. Interesting piece. As I was reading I wondered if the story was about depression or pms. But as the previous reader nailed it as just normal, I now have other questions and thoughts. So thank you for sharing, it was well written and the reader may have been sucked into the drama.

    • Haven’t we all had days when it seems, like some comics have suggested, ‘If it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all’. The only good thing was implied. That the plastic container hadn’t melted in the oven. Maybe a microwave oven? But even that can still melt the plastic by overheating the contents. If it had been a glass dish it might have broken and/or broken the oven door.
      Really like that the dish was staring brazenly at the poor girl, lady, girlfriend. A real in-your-face moment by and inanimate object.

    • Wow, this was intense and emotional. It felt real, and I like that it was almost unflinchingly honest in its approach. Hope her day got better and that she felt a little lighter after letting it all out. Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece.

  • Oh this is related to another story you wrote! I’m so glad we got to get more information about these characters. You’re so good at coming up with characters and powers and cool names. I struggle with things like that.

  • Oh I like that it’s related to one of your previous stories. A sweet and thoughtful moment in a tragic time

  • As someone who has done a bridge bungee jump….and paid for her sister to do a bridge bungee jump, I can say that the feeling is unlike anything else in the world. Well that I have ever experienced at least. You captured the emotions and feelings so well in this piece. Ps. It’s a whole lot scarier watching your sister jump of a bridge than doing…[Read more]

  • Very clever! I loved the direction you went with this. So well thought and planned out. Most enjoyable.

  • You really did convey a lot of emotion in that piece. The struggle the main character was dealing with is heart breaking, but at the same time, you can’t blame the other two, you love who you love

  • Wow I wasn’t expecting that. It was a really cool concept and style of writing. I thought it conveyed everything really well

  • I loved this. It was so clever and welp written! I also so badly want to work there. As long as I don’t have to be Percy’s host

  • I love the historical context in this story whether it’s completely accurate or not its still a great statement piece that’s still relevant today

  • Load More

Ash.MK

Profile picture of Ash.MK

@ashleymk

Active 1 month, 2 weeks ago
Short Story : 0
Poetry : 0
52 Scenes 2022 : 0