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  • To my daughter by Annette Deyro

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    On days like these when I doubt
    if I should number myself among the living,
    I think of you, my darling River
    and all I dream that you would be.

    One hopes you get my sense of […]

    • I get a dream-like feel from this poem, which I like. Using the word “get” for “understand” seems out of place–the rest of the language is so much more formal. I’m interested to know where “count to seven” comes from. I’m used to counting to 3 (when someone’s in trouble) and counting to 10 (when someone needs to calm down). But it doesn’t detract from the poem, just something I still want to know.

    • Beautiful, Annette. I’m a little bit speechless, feeling all the feels of parenthood now that the last of my brood moved out on the first of this month. Empty rooms and piles of hopes and dreams echoing in the walls. I love the last lines, because of all the things I wanted to do, the biggest one to hold on to was standing and staying. It’s so worth it. So emotive and beautiful…all of your words.

    • Hi Annette. Your poem is very moving, showing as it does, how someone we love can anchor us. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts.

  • I’m not too familiar with James Baldwin but i like the view you express of freedom- that there are several aspects to it that aren’t necessarily achieved all at once. 🙂

  • Thank you so much! I really like those lines too hehe

  • Thank you so much! I’ll try out that suggestion 🙂

  • Thank you for reading!

  • Thank you so much for your kind words!

  • The Opposite of Freedom by Annette Deyro

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    Remembering regrettable moments in this very room
    Used to rack me with despair but no,
    Today, it’s like rubbing salt on wounds already healed–
    I don’t feel unclean or […]

    • This is brilliant! I love the last line! You hit the nail on the head. Lovely!

    • I love this hard-won observation

      Today, it’s like rubbing salt on wounds already healed–
      I don’t feel unclean or worthless anymore.

      Your truth shines. Thank you.

    • The freedom to love oneself – an absolute essential. Well expressed.

  • Dreams Come True by Annette Deyro

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    Before I even knew your name, I knew
    Of conversations we would have in ink.
    I’ve been dreaming of you in shades of blue
    And loving you for longer than you think.
    Unsure of how […]

  • I’m not sure what else to add to everyone’s comments but i also loved the beat of your poem and how it progresses from a steady movement of people to the stillness of an empty handcart. I really enjoyed reading. Thank you!

  • I really like how you wrote the progression of life from childhood to maturity in the stages of creating a work of art. I also find it significant that the cracks and rips had to come before the healing and completion. 🙂

  • I like how you took the simple prompt and carried it away with a river. The pain of the river really being stopped in its tracks by the dam was conveyed really well. And i loved the personification in the poem. I will also note i agree with the previous comment that perhaps the whole piece would flow even better in present tense. 🙂
    Thank you so…[Read more]

  • I love how positive a perspective you took on the blank page–pregnant with possibilities indeed as you so wonderfully list. Thank you for sharing this way of thinking, it’s something i sorely needed reminding of. 🙂

  • I like how you took every writers’ struggle against the page and made it your own. I especially like the assonance in the lines
    Humiliated by brain blockage
    The empty, vacuous sound
    Of my brain sucking into the void
    — the repeating u and o sounds bring the feeling closer to the reader. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  • Thank you so much for sharing this poem. It captures the weight of the pandemic while also keeping it light with the rhymes. I especially liked the lines
    Before this Covid nightmare
    We were drivers, lunchers, carers
    Now our situation groups us with
    The sorry-we-don’t-darers.
    Glad you still dare to write despite everything. 🙂

  • You Left and I Go * by Annette Deyro

     

    Bare walls, neat shelves, and cleaned out corners Laughter echoing like a ghost up and down the stairsAnother tiny toy recovered beneath the bedNo amount of prayers can […]

    • This is such a sad poem. Somehow I don’t associate acrostic poems with such grief, but there’s no reason why they shouldn’t represent it. Thank you for sharing your poem.

    • oh, heart wrenching. I love what people do with acrostic poems in this group and this just snatches up your breath. Well done.

    • Dear Annette, this is so touching and moving and says so much in such few lines. I liked the use of alliteration, it seems to reinforce the torturous emptiness the speaker is feeling.

      I also thought it was quite effective the way in which the neat, tidied up room contrasted with the overwhelming grief the parent experiences.

      The acrostic tactic here is very fitting. Although it ties in with the “bare walls” in the first line, I thought you could’ve made a somewhat stronger connection between “blank” and the content in the poem, just to enhance the acrostic effect somewhat more.

      🙂

    • Although sad in context, I still sense that this poem speaks of a fresh start, a new beginning (of sorts). That the old (both physical and emotional) has been cleared out — in preparation of that new hope.
      I trust that you won’t find my saying so insensitive? And that the memories will be a source of joy and not torment — for he lives on with our Father. 💙

  • I have never in all my years of wandering
    stayed long enough to feel I belonged
    but i found my place with you walking the same road
    and the journey makes more sense with you.

    You are taking me places I have never […]

    • Maybe add something like:
      I’ve found home in your arms, or
      My home is in your heart, or
      I’ve found my home in your heart, but the keys are missing, for us to realize that the key is “us”.

    • Lovely words – thanks for sharing.
      Wanda

    • This is such a warm love poem, which spoke to me of the blossoming of late love. Beautiful. I’m not sure I would change it at all.

    • This is a beautiful poem about finding a soul that you can journey with. I really liked how you posed a possible problem – not belonging where staying – and that the answer turned out to be the opposite – to keep travelling! It is a beautiful message that we should not change who or how we are to find love or companionship, but rather remain who we are – as then we will keep growing and experience new things while staying true to ourselves.

      Your use of metaphors in this poem is really lovely and effective.

      I also really loved the play on the words “meld” and “melt” in the last line.

      I was wondering if there is a reason for the small letter “i” in line 3, as the one in line 2 is a capital?

      Beautiful! 🙂

  • You left me alone for something moreYou took off when you could’ve stayedThat’s just not what flying is for.I was so happy when you learned to soarA feeling I thought would never fadeBut you left me alone for som […]

    • Really nice! The flying metaphor works so well. I enjoyed this.

    • I imagine my son going off to college. Never called, never wanted to come home. I was the one that encouraged him to go away to school. Then I regretted that decision every moment that went by that I would leave a message on his phone only to never have it returned.

      This stanza says it all;

      was so happy when you learned to soar
      A feeling I thought would never fade
      But you left me alone for something more.

      Great job!

  • In the midst of COVID-19
    Overwhelmed by the stress to be clean
    I broke down in tears
    Because of my fears
    And thoughts of what might have been.

    My planner was full, now it’s up in the air
    The change of pace has me […]

    • Fantastic how a mothers voice can calm their child no matter the age.

    • This expresses what we are all feeling right now. I send a little help me message up to my mother quite frequently, although she died nearly 40 years ago. Am just glad to repay my debt to her by helping out my own children, struggling with home education and other things. Thank you for sharing your reaction to these difficult days.

    • I hear you. This is a particularly unsettling time and I think its the familiarity and safety of our childhoods (for some of us) that help us through. Really well done on the rhyming and rhythm, flows beautifully

    • Hi Annette, yes this new world is hard to cope with isn’t it. Scary and unpredictable. Well done and thanks for sharing.

    • Annette,
      Great rhyming in this one. and very topical.

    • Great capture of all of our feelings as we grieve the loss of our sense of normalcy. Take care.
      Wanda

    • Just that voice can do wonders!! Iove the rhyming. Your poem is full of feelings. Thank you for sharing.

    • The flow is wonderful, which makes the poem so much more, if that makes sense. Great rhymes, and the thought is heartfelt.

    • This was so beautiful. I have turned to my mother so many times these days, and I have a new found appreciation for her. As parents, we fear having to see our children through times like this. I’m 39, but she’s still seeing me through it, as I see my own children through too.

    • Thanks for the limerick! Humor is just the thing right now to keep us going. I love how you show the scary truth of it all and lighten it for us through the form of the limerick.

    • I like your writing. It is true, the moment we hear or see our mother, it brings us some comfort in a time like this.

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Annette Deyro

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@annette

active 4 days, 11 hours ago