fbpx
  • Michael vK and Azul are now friends 6 days, 13 hours ago

  • Elaine Dodge and Victor are now friends 1 week ago

  • An Invitation by Maria Kinnersley

    Ann arrived at the holo-room thirty minutes before it was due to start. Even after ten years as World President, she still found these meetings difficult. The figures she saw […]

    • Linda replied 1 week ago

      Maria, I enjoyed reading your story. I confess that generally I’m not a fan of science fiction. Having said that I did like watching the “X-files”. However, I think you did a good job writing a science fiction story. I liked the ending—the food was so impressive to the alien. I think using more dialogue to carry your story would help to show rather than tell in the first half of your story. In the latter half, I feel you did a good job with dialogue. Thanks for sharing.

      • Hi Linda,
        Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for your comments. I tend to agree with your comment concerning the first half and will be revising the first half of the story before the 16th December. I did wonder whether the twist at the end was a bit weak, so I am doubly glad you enjoyed it.

    • The very serious start to the story definitely made the end a fun surprise! I would recommend in your next draft focusing less on telling and more on showing. You have some really interesting backstory–maybe go through this exposition as her memories of them, and through conversation in the meeting? This way, you can still express the history without necessarily relying on telling. Very creative and I can’t wait to see the final draft!

      • Hi Lauren,
        Thank you for taking the trouble to read this and for your comments. It is appreciated. Another person has commented about using more dialogue and I can see that would give it a bit more of an edge. I shall enjoy the editing. The only problem is keeping to the word count:-).

    • Hi Maria, sci-fi is not my choice of genre but your story is presented in a manner that even a layman could grasp and in doing so you kept me engaged to the end. Well done.

      You had me thinking that the Xylops planet being destroyed by the Kronna was actually caused by the Corona virus). Likewise when Ann returned to earth and was praised for being the one who had urged the action to stop the Keronna (Coronna) …..i like the way that thought crept into my wormhole.

      I got a little confused about the thoughts in Ann’s head when she speaks of Rob’s wife wanting to return to earth also but then we never hear anything more about the wife. Can this be cleaned up a bit? I do like Rob though….good one.

      I love the holo-meeting and the images of the characters that show up.

      I’m a little on the fence as to whether your chocolate ending fits in. It is humourous but it’s the first sign of the story being humourous….can you give us a dash of humour earlier so we are not so surprised by your ending?

      • Hi Glen,
        Thank you for your thoughtful comments. You make some good points. It is good to have the chance to edit this before 16th December. I can see ways now that the story can be improved and appreciate you taking the time to read this.

    • Hi, Maria,

      I enjoyed the well-written prose and the set-up. But, I kept waiting for something more to happen. I know that 1200 words doesn’t allow for too much set up, but maybe you can find a way to shorten the beginning and give us some more action.

      I think you have a good handle on the sci-fi genre, though. It is something I can’t write – but I love to read it,

      ~patty~

      • Hi Patty,
        I appreciate you taking the time to read this story and I do think the point you have made is valid. Having read it a few times since I uploaded it, I too feel it needs a bit more oomph! at the start. I will definitely be rewriting the beginning. Thanks for pointing me in that direction.

    • Hi Maria — What a fun premise! I love all the details you give us about the future. After reading through the comments I wondered if you might accomplish some of the suggestions by Having Maria recount her experiences as part of a campaign speech. Just a thought. I also thought the ending didn’t carry the weight of the meeting, although it was humorous. Maybe you could add in something a little more serious and the have chocolate be the punch line, such as In our travels, we’ve noticed you planet has an abundance of **, that we could trade for technology. Oh and your food …

      Of course feel free to ignore these comments if they don’t fit with your story vision. They’re just thoughts.

      • Hi Christy,
        Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on how it could be improved. There are some good ideas that I hadn’t thought of. I have been very fortunate so far to have had other like yourself offer their suggestions. It was always my intention to edit my story as I wasn’t 100% happy with it. I shall be putting your ideas into the mix. Thank you again.

  • Elaine Dodge and Jane are now friends 1 week, 5 days ago

  • Rendesvouz Too by Martin Haworth

    #

    She killed him at two.

    By six, the plane was pushing back from the terminal. She didn’t drink the proffered glass of supposed champagne. Not that she didn’t drink. The […]

    • Your avenging angel intrigued me, and it’s fitting not to know her name. However, this jars slightly with the story as we are let into her thoughts and motivations throughout. Some pace building to create more tension might make it taughter. I was hooked immediatley and the story pulled me along to its very gratifying conclusion, that is superbly handled. But I wanted a surprise that wasn’t there, even though the final line is shocking… However, its very well written. My nit pick on word choice would be that the chances of her being caught on camera (and identified) ‘were mostly irrelevant’ sounds wrong, maybe ‘ higly unlikely?’. A great, tight, story that was a fun read. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Martin,
      I really enjoyed this story. I didn’t find a lot to ‘nit pick’ about. You had evidently carried out your editing on grammar, spelling etc. I did smile at the phrase ‘his previous attempts to entrance her falling dead into the Aegean’. It took me a couple of reads to ‘get it’, but oh, what a phrase.
      There was a tension running through the story and you kept up the momentum, which made it a satisfying read. Thank you.

  • A Hopeless Gardener Celebrates Spring by R.L. Nel

    #
    Shoots poke through the thawing snow.
    Pottering around outside becomes the norm.
    Returning birds serenade us at dawn.
    I feel hopeful even though I […]

    • Hi Rachel, I kept thinking – Hope Springs Eternal – as I read your poem. The eternal optimism of the avid gardener:) You captured it so well:) Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Rachel – sounds like your fingers are as green as mine!! This is a nice combo of an image of spring and a gardener’s lament! Nicely done.

    • Hello Rachel

      It’s lovely how you put hope and hopelessness side by side, and manage to make them both make sense. Beautiful words and very real images. I can almost touch the peering shoots poking the cold snow.

    • Incongruity at its best. The hopeless eternal optimist.

    • I love the simplicity of the poem, while capturing the depth of hope and love of life. Just beautiful!

    • Hello, I recognise all this – the advent of spring and the hope that comes with it. If you’ve got shoots coming through the snow, what more do you want? I wonder if getting rid of ‘had’ in the N line would work ok?

    • Great poem Rachel. I can relate with things not growing, although this year I have been fortunate that my veggies are growing and it is an amazing feeling to watch peppers get bigger and know they will make it to your plate.

      I loved the rhythm and rhyme of your piece. Spring is my favourite season and I like the birds you brought to the morning. Your words lifted my spirit. Thank you.

      Well done and thanks for sharing.

  • Communication is the Key by Peggy Rockey

    #
    Consciously silent, peaceful thoughtfulness
    One with the other, quiet synch
    Momentarily caught in the others emotions
    Memories relating to past experiences
    Uniting the […]

    • This reads as a love poem – beautifully expressed.

      I thoroughly enjoyed the quiet contentment underlying this poem – a cosyness that comes from truly knowing and being confortable with another . Lovely.

      (Could fit the next prompt just as well!)

    • Great job with your acrostic poem, I love how you expressed communication within a relationship within the bounds of this poem.

    • Oh wow. The words are carefully thought out and it can apply to any relationship really. This is art. I love it!

    • Hello Peggy

      I like this line a lot “Yet a hint of mystique of the yet to come”. Even though it’s a departure from the state of utter openness in communication, it’s probably what keeps the conversation going.

      Your understanding of the nuances of human interaction is truly impressive. And the words that carry these meanings are so pretty. Well done dear.

    • As I read, in my mind’s eye, I saw myself sitting with a beloved friend, sharing ideas, listening, pondering one another’s thoughts. You tapped right in to every bit of what communication should be; the ending, allowing for that mystique even when conversation is exhausted, is perfect. Well done, Peggy.

    • Hi Peggy, wow this is a pretty amazing Acrostic. I feel like you have told a short story within, about two people in love and how their relationship develops over time:) The beauty is they continue to grow together rather than apart (as so many do). Well done and thank you for sharing:)

    • Well done, Peggy! You have summarised so well through this poem that Communication is the key for building trust, finding solutions to complex problems and putting the mind at ease once you have expressed what you were holding back. Also, I love the element of thrill of the unknown towards the end. Superb😊👏

    • Wow, this is superb. Loved how you presented the theme.

    • Hello Peggy,
      You managed to sustain the long acrostic right through to the magnificent last line: ‘Yet a hint of mystique of the yet to come’. Well done on this poem.

  • Silence by Srivalli Rekha

    #

    Silence! Not a word; not even a low sigh

    Illusions shattered- yesterday, today, now

    Let’s not pretend anymore

    Each post has an aim; a side; a target

    Never have they been n […]

    • This is quite an interesting piece. What we post is rarely without an aim, a barb, to pierce with a tenacious silence. Directed to whom? My favorite line “Never have they been neutral.” So many posts to taunt or humblebrag. Our passive-aggressive natures are so easily revealed. Your descriptions are poignantly astute. I am silent and pondering the claims of this piece. Thanks for sharing!!

      • Thank you for reading, NetaQ. I was running out of time, and there was only one topic I could think of. Things haven’t been great around lately.

        • NetaQ replied 2 weeks ago

          Keep on writing, moving forward, and taking it a day at a time, and don’t forget to remain positive. Blessings!

    • Hi Srivalli, if you wrote this last-minute then wow:) I really enjoyed it. Makes you think for sure. Quite thought-provoking. Well done.

    • Feels like an observation about politics – how it’s better to be quiet than the noise that we have been hearing on posts and social media? Mine was also last minute, but I really like how you have made this work so well. And it hits all the right notes with the language used and the observations. This is fantastic

    • Hello Srivalli,
      Indeed, we could all do with a bit more silence in between all the soundbites and attention grabbing one-liners. It’s a pithy acrostic which makes a good point.

    • Susan replied 2 weeks ago

      Definite truths contained within.

  • A Wild Wish by HoneyMustard

    (for Annika)

    #

    Sixteen candles alight on your cake
    The wish for you I’d like to make –
    A slice of advice, for growing old –
    You can stow in the purse of your soul: 

    When the wo […]

    • This is so utterly beautiful and very well done in terms of the form. I love this poem!!

    • Something that I want my daughter to read!

    • What a lucky Annika to have you behind her with this wish! Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all could stay wild inside? This was beautiful! thanks for sharing.

    • A friend of Yoda’s you are! That’s what’s fun about poetry–playing with words, syntax, semantics. Keep having fun! Oh, wait. That’s what you said.

      • Best Yoda is, indeed, David. And yes, there must always be time for play. Thanks for coming by and commenting!

    • Hello Hanri! A lovely piece you share with us this time. I love how the poem has this… conversational quality where the narrating voice simply advises with tenderness, wisdom and sensitivity, it adds a personal touch that makes the content more intimate. I felt as if the words were being whispered to me. It’s both soothing and inspiring. I particularly like the last two lines, a great punchline if you ask me. And the message hidden by the acrostic form is just wonderful. Well done! And thanks for sharing this with us! Cheers!

    • Such a lovely message and a poem. It’s beautiful and warm. And the hidden message in the acrostic. Love it.

    • This poem is a beautiful, wise gift to whoever might be the recipient. Every bit of it is wonderfully wise, from nurturing the wild flowers within to drawing one’s boundaries. So lovely. I wish it had been written for me at sixteen. 🙂 Well done. ( I see now as I look back your words are dedicated to Annika. May she treasure this gift always and store it away in her soul’s purse. So, so precious.)

      • Thank you, Elizabeth. Your words give me the confidence to actually make the gift.

        • Oh yes do, Hanri. This is perfect for a sixteen year old. She will love it. ❤️ Speaks right to the heart.

    • I have goosebumps Hanri. This is so beautiful and resounds loudly with me as my eldest turned 16 during our lockdown this year. All plans for a sweet sixteen party out the window.

      You’re painting gorgeous images in my mind with those wishes that they stay as amazing as they are and take that into life, but still keep their playful side and don’t conform.

      Fantastic work and thanks for sharing.

      • Thank you, Debbie. These are wonderful words and I’m so glad the poem resonated with you. I don’t think she’ll “get” it now, but maybe in another 25 years the poem will come out of a keepsakes box or something and she’ll read it again and the penny will drop.

    • what a wonderful gift- more precious than money or cellphones or whatever teenagers covert these days – and yes, in a few years (hopefully not as long as 25!! ) this will become a treasured heirloom that she will pass down to her own daughter.

      I love the wish – almost reverently whispered – stay wild, dont let the world beat you down, make your own path…simply beautiful.💗

    • i forgot to mention – I love the pic!!!

  • Remembrance by C Alexis

    #

    Recollection of death, destruction

    Evocation of loss, loneliness

    Memorialize sacrifices

    Eulogization of wasted youth

    Memorialize, do not repeat

    Baptism in kindness, caring, […]

  • Remember when you came to stay Each second within the dreamVirtues out the windowElation in each of our eyesRecall the moments if you canSometimes they linger onAlone again, memories explodeLife runs along […]

    • Oh, clever, Martin! It took me a moment to figure out what you did, but once I caught on to the trick, I was delighted with the memories and the images you evoke. Especially love these lines: Today I remember the pier/but you, I remember more – it brings the memories of the moment alive, and I just love that!

      • Hi Peggy

        That line worked both in the acrostic and the poetry! Thanks for your generous words of encouragement!

        Martin

    • Hello Martin,
      I love your poem and the nostalgia it brings. I got the first part/word for the acrostic, but am fuzzy on the rest. 😉 Thanks for sharing.

      • Hi Marcena

        Thanks for reading. Not to give too much of a clue, but check the last letters of the second half lines 😉

        Martin

    • Hi Martin – very ingenious use of the acrostic. Lots of remembering and wistfulness for what is no more. Thank you for sharing the poem.

      • Hi Christian

        Thank you for reading and leaving a kind comment. I’m just an old romantic at heart!

        Martin

    • Brilliant! You really brought the memories to life, and I like your creative approach to the prompt. You had a double bite, as well. -Becky

      • Hi Becky

        Thank you for reading. I found this poem a challenge, as it rather shoe-horned me into lines I might not have written, but I made it work, eventually!
        I appreciate your kind words.
        Martin

  •  .Twitter-feed to terminate yet another government official asRepublicans continue to demonstrate theirUnhappiness in ‘Stop the Steal’Marches across the state: thePresidential race an ongoing, fiery […]

    • Yikes! That was outstanding! You are way too talented. Trump reads this one he is bound to have you arrested lol

      Love ya girl!

    • Very good on Kim. Brings a smile to the dial

    • Could you send it out on twitter with #trump?

      • 😄…exactly why I’m not on twitter…can you imagine wading thru all that s**

    • Dude, this is brilliant writing! Jaw dropped. Well done!

    • Wonderful! You nailed our current unreality. Let the transition begin. Article 25 anybody? This is so true: Orwellian desire for rule, obfuscating truth with fiction. Bravo my friend! Bravo.

    • Hi Kim, this is spot on. I don‘t think Trump would like it, but that is a comliment in this case! You are so right to question that Trumpism is probably not a thing of the past yet…there is a survey saying that German covidiots would elect Trump if they could vote in the US…this is deeply disturbing. Formally, I think the acrostic style works really well for your purpose. I was wondering about these last lines: God Bless America : the Greatest Show on Earth/ (Trump refuses to Concede Defeat). They are set apart, and they don‘t contribute to the acrostic. I wonder if they appear by accident? Or maybe I just don‘t get it…sorry …

      • no – those lines are not part of the acrostic – that was me being deeply sarcastic…that this …farce …should become so ‘reality tv ala Trump style’

    • Throughout the whole of his mandate, the orange one has actually achieved one ‘great’ thing: he gave you inspiration for these wonderful poems! 🤣
      This is seriously brilliant Kim; loved, loved, loved it! The line ‘Orwellian desire for rule, obfuscating truth with fiction’ is outstanding.
      Thank you for sharing this gem! 🙂

      • Thanks Ben.
        that he should provoke such creativity in me revulses me – 🤦‍♀️- I think its the anger as someone else mentioned….

    • Spot on, Kim! Your passion clearly shines through, it’s as strong as is the embarrassment and dissent this man has brought to my beloved country. He just needs to go away.

    • Holy cow, Kim. I think this one might be your best political poem yet. Incisive, witty and spot-on in all of your observations, carefully transforming each news header into a section of your critique making them flow with grace and anger at the same time. The word-choice, outstanding. The cadence, even better. A truly marvellous piece. Congrats!

    • Very well written!! Captures the whole spectacle, which is often the reality, in its entirety.

    • Fantastic piece of writing, Kim. I’m amazed at your ability to stick to the acrostic in so many lines, with not one word or line wasted. Well done on an excellent poem.

    • Well done, Kim! Loved the flow of the poem and the way you fearlessly lay bare your emotions. I guess, 2020 was good for America after all. Like Trump, soon the pandemic will also be eradicated.Congratulations 😊❤👏

    • You’ve articulated the Farce in our modern politics so well, Kim. It is quite the irony – how it could have come to such a touch&go situation for democracy.
      You’re building quite a body of work here now, with your political commentary. Do you have plans for it? Maybe you’re thinking of a Trump-themed chapbook of sorts?

      • after you mentioned how my Jarae series reminded you of Trump it kinda killed my mojo….but I am slowly coming to terms that all my work has a political slant – not something that was ever a conscious desire, I assure you!

        • This is disturbing news! I liked the Jarae series, very much. Especially because of its commentary on real-life social issues but through a fantasy lens. I mean – you had it all in there. Excess. Ethics. Feminism. Perverse incentives of politics. Of course The Emperor was going to be a conglomerate of every bad leader on the face of the earth, ever. We like our villains that way.
          But I should probably stop, because this might not be doing your mojo any good. I’m just curious as to know why?
          It seems as though you don’t particularly like that the politics coming through in your work? That I don’t understand – why would you not own that, proudly? I think a critical voice is one of the best qualities one can have in writing. If you can package that as fantasy, or comedy, or horror, or … or … you know – anything that grips people’s imagination – you have a direct pathway to their minds.

    • I love the long acrostic you chose–you execute it well. You also capture the frustration of this moment perfectly in your enraged lines. Thank you for sharing!

      • nothing like a bit of passive-agression, hhmmm

        yes, frustrated – only because of what it means for the rest of the world…

    • So, Kim, how did you feel about the results of the election? 🙂
      I see that the form forced some line breaks that you might not otherwise have chose, but so be it. The rhythm is still good.

    • Great stuff Kim and you’ve got the relaxed acrostic poem nailed – it flows very well.

    • Such scenarios happen so often in Africa that many of my friends are so amused that America has indeed become the greatest show from the greatest nation that it has always been known as. I am from Malawi where there was an election last year which was nullified by the court because of obvious irregularities and rigging. A second election was done in June this year and the incumbent was ousted. The difference with this case was the proof – it was so evident lol. Waiting to see how this all pans out. Sorry, I digress – back to your poem. I like the length and how you have described everything, used words skillfully to convey the message in a tight and flowing way and not losing the pace with any of the lines of the piece. Well done for this thoughtfully crafted piece

      • Thanks Stevie

        yes, in Africa we are so inured to electoral rigging – but the States! that’s just the bedrock of the Free and Fair – or so I always believed.

  • Baby Shoes Remember by June Hunter#Baby shoes dangle from a dripping railing -A silent scrap of a relic, tracingBare baby feet secreted in a septic tank, andYearning mothers with seeping breasts.                  […]

    • Wow. Powerful writing, June. Thanks for sharing it.

    • Sad….

      These lines are powerful:
      Spawns of Satan for being born out of wedlock,
      Hidden away from good Irish-Catholic eyes.

      Great work with this one June

    • this was chilling…and yes, powerful. Haunting.

      796? is that how many they found?

      you’ve alluded to this theme before in your stories, it clearly cuts deeply.

      what shocks me more is that the surrounding villagers must’ve been complicit in this cover-up?

      • Hi Kim. Thanks for your comments and for reading my poem. Just to answer some of your questions – from 1926 to 1960 all deaths in the Tuam Mother and Baby home were registered with the local council. A list of these was produced and the total deaths amounted to 796. When the unused septic tank was rediscovered many remains of babies and children were found. Although the deaths seem to have been registered at the time, these babies and children were not afforded proper burial because they were illegitimate. There’s supposed to be an enquiry into this, but the government is dragging its feet. Yes, I would agree the villagers must have known about it but it was a taboo subject. I could go on and on, but you could have a look on google for ‘The Lost Children of Tuam’ an article in the New York Times, if you would like to know more.

    • forceful tragic and cutting poem

    • “A silent scrap of a relic, tracing” So poignant and powerful. Each pair signifying a life. A poet’s high obligation is to write for those who have died and who cannot speak. Thank you for writing this, June.

    • My heart broke reading this powerful acrostic poem, June. I’m crying.

    • Goodness!! This is so real
      I am captivated. Being a student nurse it hit close to home well done

    • Hello June,
      A shocking episode in Ireland’s history and so vividly described by your acrostic. I got interested in the history of this scandal when there was a series of radio broadcasts on the BBC (last year, I think ) and started to draft a poem. Yours is spectacularly good and effective.

  • The storm rages throughout the night crashingHard against the bedroom window.Unusual sounds of splatter strike the glass, mimicking a round of applause.Nothing is more entertaining than Mother Nature’s s […]

    • Nicely done. I particularly enjoyed the last line which contrasted the safeness of my inside seat to the raging storm of the rest of the poem.

    • Hi Maria. ‘mimicking a round of applause’. What a great line! I never thought of a thunderstorm sounding like that. You’ve given us vivid sounds of your storm orchestra. Thanks for sharing.

    • I’m reading your poem as the rain starts to fall here. Lovely writing, so apt for now. X

    • I got totally sidetracked by your actual rhyme and visual imagery – then had to go back and find the ‘acrostic’ .
      I dont like storms – but you made me feel the beauty of it.💗

    • Word choices as powerful as the storm itself. I love the whole thing. And I love the rain, and especially hard rain accompanied by thunder. With every line of your poem, I am there in the symphony, too. Nicely done.

    • Hello Maria,
      What a lovely acrostic. I’m from Oklahoma and recall thunderstorms like this, so your vivid imagery is on point! I love the line: Nothing is more entertaining than Mother Nature’s symphony and the line with “mimicking a round of applause”. Great work.

    • Hello Maria

      Thanks to your imagery, I feel much less scared of thunderstorms now 🙂
      Lovely work, all of it!

    • Hi Maria,
      You’ve certainly got the senses going with your powerful imagery, even the smell of the earthy air. I love the violence of the storm you portray with this.

    • Well done Maria. Your wonderful imagery put me right there in the scene enjoying Mother Nature’s show just as you describe her. Terrific closing line…’my orchestra seat to this restless, stormy night’

    • Hi Maria. I really enjoyed your poem:) It tells a story, all about something I love:) Thunderstorms are a powerful and amazing force of nature (except when they keep me awake). My favourite line was your last one: My soul is warmed by my orchestra seat to this restless, stormy night.
      Just beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  • Not as easy as it looks by Deryn Graham

    #

    Anyone who thinks writing to order is a

    Cinch, has never tried to create according to the

    Rules

    Of the game.

    Should you wish to give it a

    Try, be my guest

    I […]

  • Catherine Garden changed their profile picture 2 weeks, 5 days ago

  • Load More

Amrita Sarkar

@amrita_sarkar

active 1 day, 21 hours ago
Short Story balance: 2
Poetry balance: 1
WTC balance: 1