• Water moves all around me

          My body carried by the ripples

                 Depths below

                 Space above

            And my lungs swell with air


    • I love the rhythm and flow to your visual poem. Well done! Particularly like this:
      ”  And yet the journey, 
                      the journey is easier
                                                                                                                             I no longer fight”

    • Hi
      I like how you lines mimic the movement of the water as well as the intentions of the narrator. Peaceful. CA

    • Hi Amy, I really enjoyed the form of your poem. The way you have made it ebb and flow. And the way you have longer and shorter lines.

      But now
                      now I let this life source carve the way
                                     it decide my fate
                                             And yet the journey, 
                       the journey is easier

      Here I am wondering if this line should be plural – it decides my fate?

      It was a beautiful poem, thanks for sharing.

    • Hello Amy,
      Well done with persisting with the formatting on this site to achieve your pattern of the randomness of water’s flow. Not easy.

      The poem’s language is gorgeous and I like the metaphor of the river for the way that life (sometimes) just chooses its own path.

    • This is a lovely poem that reaches beyond pretty images to make a statement. Very well done. And extra points for getting it to flow on the site!

  • “Hand me that shovel.” I waved my hand toward the random tools we had brought with us.

    “The pointed digger or the hand shovel?”

    “The hand shovel. And point that flashlight this way. Hold it steady.” I hated try […]

    • Who’s the fool now?!
      I thought you did good with the dialogue. It flowed well and showed us the relationship between these two people. Makes me wonder how they met, how Joe came to be bossed around. Maybe he’s not as goofy as he seems. Or maybe he got lucky!
      Well done getting your story written in time!

    • This was a fun read. You tell a lot about each of your characters through their dialogue. I have lots of questions but that just means I could use another story to continue these guys. Prospecting for gold or jewels can bring a lot a fools with it. I like that you don’t ever identify whether boss – er I mean sir – is a man or a woman. You might think man but I’ve seen them use sir in some cultures for anyone in charge. This reminds me of a series of books that the main female character is referred to as Boss – we never find out her name and I think I’m about 5 books in. Great job!

    • Hey Amy and how goes it? The dialogue is absolutely great. You allow us to get quite a compelling view of the hapless Joe as well as the exasperated (and maybe corrupt,) Boss. / Sir person. I tried to figure out what time period you were writing in and the use of ‘Dang nab it‘ seemed to indicate one period but the reference to a Jeep canceled that out. I guess that particular ‘swear word’ indicates an area not a time, then? Anyway, well done with this piece and very best regards, Seyi

    • Hi Amy, I found the dialogue easy reading. The complexities revealed in the internal mind of ‘boss’ moved the story along. And rather interesting that despite Joe causing the boss considerable irritation, there is still some consideration given to him. “I couldn’t help but pour my bad mood onto him, letting my saltiness spread to the one who had only been trying to help me all night long…”. Perhaps Joe is more than a random helper, but someone closer emotionally to the boss. Thanks for the story, looking forward to the next.

  • I like this line: “Tell a lad not to do something and it’s the best encouragement he can get to do it.”
    “On a night when three of use decided on a visit” use I’m guessing should be “us”?
    Paragraph 6: “who sweated to much” –> too
    Yikes, what a morbid end. It makes me wonder what is happening in this story – who is the party? What happened to h…[Read more]

  • This story makes my stomach feel the anxiety and tension. I can resonate with so many parts of this. Maybe they decide not to do Christmas together and Covid gets spread so they are happy to have been separated! You do a good job of telling this story through dialogue.

  • I like the moral to this story. I appreciate how you had many layers to this story, 3 characters who are all the same character ha
    This makes me think also of the accidental shootingon the site of the western movie set and feel like they could be twisted together for quite the thriller

  • Thanks for the feedback. I always struggle with dialogue use. I’ll have to attend a dialogue class. Merry Christmas!

  • Thanks for reading Patty!

  • Thanks, Shelley! Happy Holidays to you too!

  • This is a great show of technology filled life during covid: ““Why? What’s wrong?” Mohini’s distorted voice came from the inside of the laptop.
    Mohini and Aradhya had been working on this project all night. Aradhya’s eyes had started to water from staring at the screen. “

  • I was a lucky one. I was so glad that I had found this place. It was ideal, and it could house my entire family and any friends or other guests that might need a warm place to stay. 

    It took days of searching to […]

    • Hi Amy– this was a clever take on the prompt with a very unique perspective. I enjoyed it a lot.

    • Hi Amy Rae, great story this month. I think I got it, though it was subtle. At first I took it for face value, then wondered if the MC was a ghost. But now I get it!!! 🙂 I think it was clever and fun, enjoyed reading it.
      I wonder if it would add something to the story if the MC could overhear some dialogue from some of the people coming and going? Happy Holidays to you.

      • Thanks for the feedback. I always struggle with dialogue use. I’ll have to attend a dialogue class. Merry Christmas!

    • Great story Amy Rae. I loved the vivid descriptions of their lives there. Very imaginative. Have a great holiday!

  • I sat on the bench, watching the game unfold in front of me.

    Our team was winning, as usual. We were number one in the conference, projected to go to state this year – my senior year. 

    The puck slid down the […]

    • Poor Brian. I think maybe he’s not made for this game. I like the way you introduced the accident that put Brian into the game and then repeated it for Brian’s misadventure. Great way to end it. I like the way you used the prompt in this sentence – Our goalie was scouted for how well he guarded the crease; it was his domain. ” I don’t know how familiar you are with hockey but this sounded like you know your stuff.

      I like a good sports story. Fun read.

    • This was a fun and surprising piece. Your terminology (I assume) is great, sounds convincing to me at least. Poor Brian! My guess is that that best players have the opposite mindset of this: “I may not score, but I sure didn’t want to lose a tooth.” I like the repetition of the whimper sound in this story. mentioning the mouth guard and the pads and laces and whistle are details that helped pull me into the setting. Well done!

    • I liked how you created a build-up to the eventual disappointment.

    • Good story Amy! Details were believable, even though I don’t know much about hockey! I can see Brian getting confused and reaching the wrong goal. Glad to see you are following the new list of prompts!

    • OMG! Every hockey players nightmare. Poor kid with the name Gretzky. A tough name to live up to even if he was “GREAT.”

      Having played sports as a kid only because ‘everyone does’ I really understood the line, “They were clearly more excited about me joining the game than I was.” LOL

      Hockey is a sport I enjoy watching. Great use of the terminology to bring the reader into the story.

      Thanks for the fun read

  • I was hooked by your teaser; this is such a strong starting sentence: “Abra slowly pushed up on her arms and despite the excruciating pain, she dragged herself out of the mud that seemed to seep into every exposed pore of her skin.”
    And the story did not disappoint. I would love to keep reading to find out what happens! This would be a great one…[Read more]

  • Juanita, great story. I was pulled into each of the 500 words. I was wondering what was going to happen. I wonder what the story would be if told by his perspective. Did she tell her husband if she thought about telling his wife? You have great word choice throughout the story.

  • Truth: “I always thought the police tried to determine the truth before they took you in, but no. Not really. They pull you in and hope that the stark reality of a jail cell will encourage you to talk.”
    I feel so much empathy for her getting caught in this situation! And all the others who are innocent but find themselves part of the criminal…[Read more]

  • Oh and I like the names “jealous boyfriend” “Mr. Muscle” etc.

  • This is a great story!
    Lines like this: “He bumped into a light post, regained his balance, then turned around and scrambled after his intoxicated friends.” really made an image in my mind.
    I’m not sure if I understand this? In memory of #indomitablewill

  • He’ll need those as winter creeps in!

  • This makes sense. Gotta make the most with the word limit!

  • Haha “the last place I looked” sounds like my dad’s jokes turned into a story. I think this is a relatable story!

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Amy Rae

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