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  • Flush with stolen blood, Mary wandered streets steeped in darkness. The night was her lover.  More ardent, more intuitive than any other she had ever known in either her mortal or immortal lives.  The wind t […]

    • Hi Lenore. This is such a clever little story. I love the way you’ve made an ordinary little break-in into something so much bigger – carried out by a vampire. The ordinariness of everyday life becomes a lot less ordinary. The ending is brilliant – ‘She might be a vampire, but she wasn’t a monster.’ Such an innovative story. Thank you for sharing.

  • This made me giggle (and I love the young lady’s name at the end of the story, of course!) The little butterfly-ant parable is cute, and I’m presuming that Granddad’s name must be Jeremiah. I appreciate the sly humour/inside joke vibe of it. Cute story!!!

  • Very good story – your protagonists inner monologue is very compelling and well written, You definitely well managed the complexities of human relationships. The twist ending came out of nowhere and was much appreciated!

  • For being last minute as you say, this was a tautly told, well paced and descriptive story. I was drawn in and could feel the main character’s emotions resonating through your artful prose. Nicely done!

  • This was such an inspiring and beautiful story! As a life long avid reader (the family joke is that I was late being born because I had to finish the book I was reading), I love stories of how other people discovered their love of the worlds hidden within and how they share that love with others. I’m happy to have discovered and read this story!

  • You do a fabulous job of dropping the reader into the scene. Your pacing is taut and swift and you keep the suspense elevated. I definitely want to read more about these dangerous men and their shadowy world. Very well done!

  • This is a lovely portrait of a brother and sister with different world views coming together in the festive season. It made me smile. Warmest wishes of the season to you and thank you for this gift.

  • Ooohh this is intriguing! A lovely light romping take on the prompt. You were of course constrained by the words – I would have loved more detail about each night, the outfits he chose, what she thought of his taste in her clothes each night – and of course the gradual unfolding of their romance, leading to the reasons why they parted and made…[Read more]

  • What a powerful story. This seems like it could be the start of a larger work – what happens to Zooni? Does she go out and continue her husband’s work? Or join the state to fight against the militants so no other young women are left as widows? You also intrigued me with the political structure of the state – nothing draws me in like a good…[Read more]

  • No Place like Home for the Holidays

                   “Are you a lesbian because you’re allergic to nuts?”

                   It wasn’t the first time Emily had heard that witticism.  She was sure it wouldn’ […]

    • It’s a great story, if not completely outrageous. I was a bit confused about the passing of time, and how Emily’s mother got Dixon if he was supposed to go to his other gran. But with tightening up I think you have a horrible holiday horror!

    • Hi Lenore. You certainly have the makings of a good story here, but at the moment it’s very confusing. Especially with regard to the passing of time. I’m certain that, if you spend some more time working on it, you’ll be able to tighten it up and make it easier to follow. Keep going.

    • Hi Lenore. I like the idea that is may be completely outrageous, I think you could play with that. Also agree with June, that it can be confusing at times. But I love the setting, the inherent family drama and the sense of the unexpected.

  • Thank you for sharing this Janet. A lovely piece and I can hear your voice both spiritually and physically as I read it. You have such lovely ways to paint the scene and show us the family and their relationships through the snippets of dialogue. I always love a good happy ending. And yes, nothing good comes of a phone call in the middle of…[Read more]

  • You did a great job of bringing forth the double standards that still plague women – I chuckled particularly about the notion of honour living in the vagina but not the penis. You made some very good points in a way that was entertaining while not being pedantic. Very well done!

  • I really enjoyed the way you drew us in, put us in the cell beside poor Rufus. I could feel the hopelessness and sadness – but I didn’t get it was a dog until the end. I had thought our protagonist was human. You did a very good job of twisting it at the end. I enjoyed reading this story and am happy that it seems things are going to turn out…[Read more]

  • The moral of the story is don’t mess with Nora! You drew the family relationship with the caregiver very nicely, using wonderful economy of words – very important when we have constrained word counts with the prompt! You kept the story moving and kept us wondering what was going to happen next. And now we are left wondering exactly what IS going…[Read more]

  • It sounds like one heck of a D & D adventure! You did a great job of bringing us right into the action and keeping it moving along. I enjoyed the part where they underestimated the woman – it happens so often in adventuring games! You gave us a nice sense of mystery about the identity of the second person. A fun, fast read. Thank you for sharing!

  • “I know what you did.”

                   Ben stopped short as Ellen’s voice came from the corner of the room.  He turned warily, his hazel gaze sweeping the shadowy kitchen.  His shoulders relaxed as he found h […]

    • Some interesting and engaging characterisation here, with learned behaviour winning out over real actions.

      One small typo: “untouched up of coffee” – unless an UP is a new way of describing a quantity of caffeine!

      Thanks for sharing.

    • Good use of dialogue and body language. I was curious to read on to see what Ben had been caught doing. I found it a bit odd that his mother would speak to a twenty-year-old son that way, and that Ben at that age would take it like a little kid. Otherwise, well written.

    • HI Lenore,
      That was funny. I liked the deceptive beginning with the red trail…I thought it would be a grisly story and that he hadn’t cleaned up blood, so when you reveal that it was ketchup it turned the scene that seemed serious into something over the top. I found the dialogue funny because it would be more appropriate for a horror type of situation…Good story!

  • Some Folks

                   The Reynolds were at it again.  I don’t get it.  I never did.  Different strokes for different folks I guess.  They sat in their usual booth, far away from everyone else, not bothering […]

    • Crumbs, that was creepy, Lenore. You built this story beautifully, introducing the slightly odd bar and the characters of the bartenders. Rex is not at all lovable but oh so fascinating to read. I kind of knew it would end badly but couldn’t stop reading as your ratcheted up the clues – the knife, Ken locking up as he left, etc. Really well handled, great believable dialogue – you’ve obviously mastered this genre. Well done.

    • Wow, that was great! I loved the lines “Some clockwork destiny winding the world up and setting things in motion. It’s bigger than all of us. If it’s meant to be, she’ll come to me” and they made more sense when I got to the end. You built the tension really well. Good use of a phone call to give the reader some backstory, and it all flowed logically. Good job! Jennifer

    • Hi Lenore

      Oh yes! That’s a great short story. I loved it all and didn’t see it coming (though your genre gave away that something was coming!). The set up was great, you had a good atmosphere going on and the seamier side of the scene was set up by the description of the Reynolds at the start.

      Great job!

      Martin

  • This was a great story. Told from Suze’s point of view as someone who is anxious and suffering from PTSD, you did a good job of making me wonder what was real and what wasn’t at Dolly’s funeral – were the lights and music truly too much or was it just her perspective? And the musician following her at the funeral and then showing up at the…[Read more]

  • I really enjoyed this story. You drew me in with your clever characterizations of Roger, and Becky and the rest of the class. The struggles of a new teacher were poignantly and skillfully described. A very lovely read with a heart warming ending. Thank you.

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Lenore Butcher

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@alphafem67

Active 16 hours, 13 minutes ago
Short Story : 12
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