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  • Eish, Rachel well done with this piece. The twist in this tale almost hurt. The build-up is epic. My initial feelings of unease at Marcus ‘leaving’ your narrator alone in her state were smoothed over by the dialogue. For a first draft, this is awesome. All the best and regards, Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, Permanent, by Seyi 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Hey Beth and howzit? Yeah, some of those images were meant to be ‘keepers.’ 😀 Thanks for your kind words, this is my therapy, considering how intractable corruption is, in real life. All the very best, and regards, Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, Permanent, by Seyi 1 day, 2 hours ago

    Hey Rachel and how goes it? No worries, I remain very much in Abu’s camp as well 😀 Not an easy task, considering how unlikable I made him, but it’s in my interest that he survives, so he can tell another tale someday. Thanks for reading and for your comments, I’m glad the story resonated with you. All the best, and regards, Seyi

  • Hi, again Beth. You’ve created some interesting characters, and the heart of the premise is an unusual one. Matt is suitably complex and thankfully, you made him a bit self-aware. That first sentence was a bit tough to follow, so I’d suggest (if you don’t mind,) you break it up. I enjoyed the dialogue, especially the way you allowed the back story…[Read more]

  • Hi, again Gokatwemang, how goes it? I really like these getting of your story. I always enjoy stories in various rural settings, this is where I learn about places (all the stories set in big cities seem similar.) Anyway, I hope you don’t mind my suggesting you try and use the tool called Grammarly (www.grammarly.com) to check your grammar,…[Read more]

  • Hey Becky, thanks for reading and for your comments. I’ve used this setting (the Ministry of Power) quite a few times and the kidnapping story unfolds in my submission for ‘They Never Said Anything (https://deadlinesforwriters.com/they-never-said-anything-by-seyi/) Do have a look if/when you have a moment. All the very best, and regards. Seyi

  • Hey Gokatwemang and how goes it? Yeah, thankfully this particular bunch only lives in my imagination. I’d hate to meet any of them for real. Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading. All the best. Regards Seyi

  • Hey again Ray and yeah, my cast of characters this month didn’t have many redeeming factors. Thanks for reading and for your comments. Regards, Seyi

  • Hey again Ray, and howzit? Another really well-constructed tale, with your usual great descriptions. I liked ‘…patterned sound of her loom,’ and also admired how you showed the age of the house with ‘He was surprised the hot water came so quickly.’ I’m not sure about ‘…tilted her head as if looking around her glasses,’ though. Perhaps ‘looking…[Read more]

  • Hi Amrita and thanks for reading and for pointing out the bits that could cause confusion. This piece is based on the same fictional Ministry of Power I’ve used as a setting in the past. Most of the characters are new though the narrator has popped up before (in ‘https://deadlinesforwriters.com/they-never-said-anything-by-seyi/’) ‘Effluent’is an…[Read more]

  • Eish, Amrita sometimes I forget how well you do ‘dark.’ Then you remind us all. This is a useful bit of backstory, particularly as I couldn’t for the life of me recall who Rene was 😀 Well done, keeping your characters ordered. I’d like to suggest you rethink the metaphor in ‘The cleaner and the suction pipe felt like a shield and lance made of…[Read more]

  • Hey Jane and howzit? Glad you got into the story and yeah, I did insert a serious eew moment there. Thankfully the only person(s) who would do that live in my imagination (I hope 😀) All the best and regards, Seyi

  • Eish, I didn’t realize COVID caught you. Hope the symptoms were not too severe and all the best. Regards, Seyi

  • Hey Evon, and howzit? I enjoyed the rhythm and flow of your writing, probably most with the dialogue. All the characters felt relatable and Anna’s fears unfolded in a realistic manner, as you developed her character. However, I did think you could dial back a little with the use of the word ‘permanent,’ but that’s probably just me. This didn’t…[Read more]

  • Hey June and howzit? Thanks for reading and for commenting, I had worried initially that I had too much going on with this piece. With that line, Abu thought he’d convinced Chinyere that his advice was good but clearly this did not work, and she’d been harboring a grudge for a while. No real winners with this cast of characters. I’ll have to try…[Read more]

  • Hi again Maria and thanks 😀 Yeah, those characters are becoming like furniture in my mind. Abu is crazy over-the-top and I hope you can shed his more extreme actions from your memory soon 🤣 Thanks for commenting and best regards, Seyi

  • Hey Evon, and yeah I hear you. It’s a bit over the top but intentionally so. Thanks for toughing through it and I’m glad you found it funny. I was just saying to Peggy that I must find an uplifting story from this same scenario (I’ve written a few short stories with the same setting, and band of characters.) That would be a real challenge. Thanks…[Read more]

  • Hey Lauren and thanks, glad you liked this piece. It was meant to elicit laughter so I am glad that worked. All the best and cheers, Seyi

  • Wow, AC this is brilliant. The descriptions are so immersive and wonderfully detailed. I like the strange character behind the narrative voice, just the type to cope with this surreal experience. There was just one moment when I couldn’t picture what was happening and that as with the line ‘Shoulders back, rucksack over one arm, I forge ahead with…[Read more]

  • Hey Sharon and howzit? Thanks for this uplifting piece. I feel it’s just what I (we?) needed at this point. I liked the sweeping suggestion at the beginning, though it is easily deflected. However, it works in providing a layup to the only constant worth acknowledging; hope. Cool concept, and nicely done. Regards, Seyi

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Seyi

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