• Hey Paul, and howzit? Thanks for this very informative piece of writing. I couldn’t stop reading and I learned quite a bit. Not that it matters, I thought for the longest time, that the narrator was male, till the reference to ‘powering her nose.’ Nice one, thanks for sharing this and very best regards, Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, Inheritance by Seyi 1 week ago

    Hey Paul and howzit? Apologies for the much-delayed response, and thanks for reading and for your comment. Yeah, I did ‘hide’ the gender in the very early sections of this story but as I was just say to Kim, I have not done a good job of exploring the main character’s femininity in this particular section. More to think about, adjust as necessary.…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, Inheritance by Seyi 1 week ago

    Hola Ha-Kim, and howzit? You put your thumb square on most of my fears for my writing in this piece. I agree I need to work in a bit more of Tani’s personality and while I don’t think the beer-drinking and her behavior so far indicate much of anything, I find I have shied away from portraying her femininity, and her sexuality for too long in this…[Read more]

  • Hey HM, and howzit? This has a great feel to it, the start of an epic adventure and a hero that’s not reluctant, but out of shape 😀The construct feels solid so far, (with the exception of why the Queen had no other senior military advisers to reach out to?) Your description of a Queen over-reliant on diplomacy, negotiation ties up well with the…[Read more]

  • Hello again HM, and how goes it? Thanks for taking the time to read and review this. I appreciate your comments, especially as I struggled with the gender references in this chapter. I’m slightly stuck with the story right now actually and am hoping for some inspiration soon, in moving it forward. Do stay well, and all the very best. Seyi

  • Yebo Deryn, and thanks for reading. I’m trying to keep up with 12SS and failing miserably this month 😀 Aluta continua, and by the way, if you were thinking of reading my October submission, handle with care. It’s full of your none favorite fantasy creatures. Best regards, Seyi

  • Hey Barbara and how goes it? Awesome concept and suitably superior world-build. I love the words you created to give s sense of a different time and understanding. (I particularly liked Emperials, simple and different.) The experiences you describe feel immersive and the dialogue more than keeps up. The line ‘You mean you really believe trees…[Read more]

  • Hey again Barbara and apologies for my awfully late response to your kind comment. Thanks as well for toughing through this piece, I am hoping I can fill in the gaps gradually and maybe even show off a completed work sometime soon. The lack of context does not help as the main character is actually female. Your comments help, I need to figure out…[Read more]

  • Seyi and Profile picture of MichaelMichael are now friends 1 week, 4 days ago

  • I’d not had to look for a barber in midtown for at least two decades, by my count. That was two decades, including years added on for bad behavior. Two decades dominated by an experimental memory-adjustment p […]

    • Oh wow Seyi that begs for more! you get the reader wondering is he a psychotic nutter hallucinating his ass off, or is there this supernatural thing going on, or maybe he’s in some military minded experiment tripping his balls off…. Very captivating! I like dark green smell (when senses overlap). Cool stuff.

    • Hi Seyi,
      Hope you doing well? New York’s definitely inspired you and your writing has got a new chutzpah. Pardon me if I got it wrong but this is a vampire saga, right? And the narrator seems to be a hunter? Or a vampire. I am a little confused about that part. Actually, the beauty of your writing is that your descriptions often daze me. They are realistic to the T and yet weave a fictional world before one’s eyes as we read. I often tend to get lost in beautiful descriptions. I wonder what fate has in store for the narrator for that appeared to me like a cliffhanger. I do hope you will follow it up. Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing!

    • I lived in Stony Brook for a few years when I was a student there, and reading this brought back a lot of memories – the Port Authority smell (ha ha!), the muggy heat that hits you in the face. I love all the details, “his cut was so sharp,” “his skin glowed with a dullness.” I’m not sure what’s going on in the story but maybe that’s the point. I hope there will be more to come! Very enjoyable – Jennifer

    • uhmmm…I also have no idea what genre this is..I have no idea at all what is going on, neither.
      Like Teresa says , it sounds like a bad trippie trip .
      there are some great descriptions – that sharp haircut and the afro that is first too limp and then too dry .

      I’m putting this one down to ‘experimental’ Seyi 😋

    • Hi Seyi,
      Very cool story…like a deep dive into an animated world or a video game, maybe? At first I thought we had a psychotic guy whose traumatic events left him with turgid hallucinations. So I thought we were reading a tale told by an unreliable narrator. The trick with the feet was very cool. But then by the end, the trick didn’t work and Dr. Joyce, the woman who taught him the trick is here as one of the tentacled monsters. And it seems that he knows that this is payback for killing the coven and letting one of them live as he hesitated.
      Yes, Port Authority has cleaned up so much since the 80’s and 90’s. I like that the lack of stench catches his attention.
      Fascinating, but it seems that we need at least another installment to see the story as a whole.

    • Hi Seyi, I have to agree with Sudha on this one. I was thinking he was a mental patient who had been in confinement for over 20 years, with many treatments. I imagined he was hallucinating all kinds of things. Your writing is great, your descriptions are fabulous. But it is quite a confusing tale. And hard to keep up with it all. The mention of real birds and what I assume to be ladies (birds) and the haircuts etc. And then the mention of a coven and his being a slayer of witches I assume. And possibly his Doctor being the witch he saved… It would be nice if this continued to fill in the blanks a little more. Or maybe it is all part of a magic-mushroom dream:)

    • Hi Seyi – I was riveted by the tale and loved the way one reality seemed to merge and overlap with the other – with me having no idea what the real reality was. As always, brilliant description – loved the lift, for example, the Lysol smell outside the gents and the MC’s hope that a haircut would lift the weight on his mind. But maybe a little too much complexity for a standalone piece? I wonder what the juxtaposition of feathered and other birds adds to the story, for example – but maybe a sort of overload was part of your intention. I loved the way you got across how much had changed in the 20 years and the description of the barber’s shop was chilling. Is this going to be continued or contextualised? I hope so.

  • Seyi commented on the post, No by Amrita Sarkar 2 weeks ago

    Hi Amrita and how goes it? You continue to develop your characters really well, and it feels like a three hundred and sixty-degree view of the main protagonists, seen through each other’s eyes. They are suitably complex and not at all likable (just like real people 😀 I enjoyed the dialogue and really liked ‘The three of them were as apart as…[Read more]

  • Hi again Amrita, thanks for reading, and apologies for my crazy late response. Life has been …life lately and my deadlines have been battered as a result. We are settling in ok but I am back in JNB at the moment, packing up the house. Not fun. Yeah, I did drop the reader deep into the stream of the story and the terms like ‘Ọ̀rúnmìlà’ and ‘Baba…[Read more]

  • Hey Michael and how goes it? Apologies for the horribly late response, my schedule has been unkind to my writing of late. This piece is actually connected more to my previous pieces ‘’What I wish I said…’ prompt, (https://deadlinesforwriters.com/what-i-wish-i-said-by-seyi/) and ‘Clue,’ (https://deadlinesforwriters.com/clue-by-seyi/). Do have. a l…[Read more]

  • Eish, Ana. I am in awe. This is your best piece (that I’ve read.) I absolutely love and respect the firm, confident voice. In spite of the dark places the story takes me, I was eager to find out what else drives your narrator. Too many awesome phrases to name but some I will take to the grave, ‘moving about them like engorged worms’ and ‘He had an…[Read more]

  • Hey Ana, and how goes it? Thanks for your very kind words. I have been feeling a bit guilty, dropping readers into such a complex tale, with so few guard rails. I am glad you were able to go with the flow, and your comments are very helpful. All the very best, and regards. Seyi

  • Hi again June, and how goes it? This feels like a real memory, there are so many wonderful details you are working with. This becomes a strength when you get into full flow but at some stages, (the reference to the ‘splodge of yellow’ had me wondering how the narrator knew it was caused by a ball,) I found myself struggling to keep up. The…[Read more]

  • Hello, again June and how goes it? Do forgive my late response, I have been trying to get to the 12SS pages all week. Thanks for reading and you’re largely right about the Bẹkọ character. I’m trying to develop him as a foil to the main character (the narrator) and thus I have loaded him with some bad habits which he will have a chance to rep…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, Inheritance by Seyi 1 month ago

    Hello again Doug, and many thanks for your kind words. I regret I have not submitted much in the way of previous installments for this ongoing storyline. It was spawned by the short story I submitted for the ‘‘What I wish I said…’ prompt, (https://deadlinesforwriters.com/what-i-wish-i-said-by-seyi/). I submitted another chapter (out of chron…[Read more]

  • Wonderful stuff Peggy. Great descriptions of the curiosity, confusion of the Subterraneans as they poured out of their home. Malek, from a very impetuous introduction, is really proving to be a Main Character and a huge influence on the story. Bringing the storm in as another character (almost) is a very cool touch. It would definitely slow down…[Read more]

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Seyi

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