• Hey again, Ana and I trust all goes well? Workload permitting, I’d be glad to look at your draft when it’s ready. All the very best, Seyi

  • Hey Glen, and how goes it? I absolutely loved the premise of the story and was transfixed by the idea of a tale told from the point of view of a scarecrow, however unwillingly. I liked, even more, the idea of an errant spirit tumbling from the scarecrow into other inanimate objects. The dining room scene is laugh-out-loud funny, but I did think…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks ago

    Hey Ben, how have you been? Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment. I mostly enjoyed writing the two pieces that make up this story and dashed this one off pretty quickly. I am really pleased it seems to have worked. All the very best and regards, Seyi

  • Eish, Monica, this is tough reading in places. Kudos for sharing a story that is so personal. I was taken by the line ‘I remember the shame of it but not the cause of his ire,‘ which affirmed that the slap you described was not uncommon. You show the unresolved tension well with, among others, your line ‘Our eyes landed on everything but each…[Read more]

  • Wow, Monica. This is epic storytelling. I couldn’t stop reading and enjoyed the three-part act you set up and concluded so well. The imagery is vivid throughout and engaging the sense of smell clinches works well. If you don’t mind, I’d suggest you break up that long opening sentence. There is also a change of tense in one of the earlier lines…[Read more]

  • Hi Monica, and how goes it? I usually enjoy local myths, fables, and tales of familiar monsters that showed up in our nightmares when we were kids. I particularly liked the way you came at this tale and the feelings of immediacy that were teh effect of a child’s point of view. Your Lola and her duties reminded me of my assorted grandmothers, as…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, Tempted by Seyi 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Hi Marilyn, and apologies for my delayed responses. I’m glad you could go back to read this piece and that you seem to like both. I don’t think I will take this story further, but I left a bit of an opening at the end of ‘False,’ in case I change my mind. Regards and stay well. Seyi

  • Hello, Mary, how goes it? Your opening paragraph is close to perfect. It sets up the difficult premise well and provides a ton of detailed, almost-comic relief. The stranger’s actions are described very economically, but with enough detail for your readers to visualize easily and smile a lot. The sentence beginning with ‘Sitting in that Oklahoma…[Read more]

  • Hi Sudha and howzit? I’d forgotten the tense you wrote in and had to go back to last month’s story to refresh my memory. It feels more immediate, and the tension is suitably high from that opening scene. The lady comes across as a piece of work. I liked the way you communicated his state of mind with, among others, the line ‘I shudder and draw in…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Hey Sudha, and how goes it? You’re so right, I stuffed up that line more than a little, so it come out a bit confusing. I will try and amend it soonest. I take your point about image overload. I will put the piece away for a while and then have a fresh look, and try a rewrite. All the very best and regards, Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks, 2 days ago

    Thanks, Maria, the feedback is much appreciated. Great if you have the time to go back and read the ‘Tempted’ submission. All the very best and regards, Seyi

  • Hey Ray, and howzit? This is a very cool piece of writing, I think. You captured the untamed atmosphere of this time and place with some easily visualized descriptions and with dialogue. I liked the bear/coyote imagery and loved the showdown between Willy and the bear. I particularly liked the line ‘The man was still, a bulb of sweat forming on…[Read more]

  • Thanks for the update, June. Sadly, there are way too many such examples from the US criminal justice system to choose from

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Hey Pam, and how goes it? I’ve never read the Runyon, but I’ll do a quick search and see what I can add to my long reading list 😀 Thanks for doing the research needed to follow the story, and I wonder, do you ever find yourself put off by stories that require that sort of effort? I sometimes hesitate to use details that are too exotic but enjoy it…[Read more]

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Hey June, and thanks for this. I will put the story away and read it again in. a few weeks, I hope I will have the perspective then, to look at my use of imagery critically. I’m glad you stuck with it and appreciate your comments. All the best, and regards. Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, False, by Seyi 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    Hey Michael, and thanks for reading. I had no idea the many manifestations of ‘Let Me In‘ were so popular. I feel a need to watch it again soon. Your comments are appreciated, as always. All the best and regards, Seyi

  • Hi Jane and how goes it? I always struggle with introducing backstory, especially when writing longer pieces, and I’m sure I will be trying your device soon. It works quite well but perhaps twice in such a short piece dilutes the effectiveness a bit? It’s a very emotive issue and, and extremely topical right now. Kudos for tackling it. Regards and…[Read more]

  • Wow, Michael. Really great stuff. I did not expect that final twist. Hell, I didn’t expect the first! A few rounds of self-edits to clean up the odd grammatical error, and you could submit this. Well done, and cheers

  • Hello Sharon, and kudos for writing your first piece here. It’s tough to read, but the writing is compelling. I note it is a memoir and have much respect for the strength it must have taken to put your story out there. Well done on both levels, and all the very best. Regards, Seyi

  • Seyi commented on the post, The mob by the HQ 2 weeks, 5 days ago

    Hi Ana, and how goes it? This scene feels sadly familiar. The bravado of the insistently corrupt. I’d like to think that in your larger story, Salvador is part of an attempt to bring the mayor and people like him to justice. I look forward to the complete version when you can share it. I liked the atmosphere you conjured; it feels hopeless but not…[Read more]

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