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  • Martin and Profile picture of ZainabZainab are now friends 1 week, 5 days ago

  • This was hilarious. Such a great work. Although it did confuse me a little in the beginning but it became more clearer till the end. Simply brilliant!

  • Well done with this one! You have really managed to convey a lot in this. Could have used a round of editing, there were slight errors in some places. But apart from that, really enjoyed reading it.

  • Thank you for your suggestions. I will work on it.

  • Thanks for reading, Jane.

  • Hi Jane, how’s it going? Loved such a unique take on the prompt. It’s very rare to find a superhero who doesn’t figure out his strength all at once. Yes it could have used a round of editing, but still great narration.

  • Thank you, Seyi. And it did occur to me to use more dialogue after I read it again. Will keep your suggestions in mind.

  • A Day In The Life Of Rinki by Zainab

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    Rink didn’t need to be woken up by her uncle this time. Her eyes automatically opened at 5 in the morning, even before the roosters realised they had to start crowing. She […]

    • Eish, Zainab this ‘day-in-the-life’ story went seriously dark there. Your descriptions continue to transport your readers, though I did think there were instances you could use conversation, or for example, describe Rinki et al hurrying to the communal toilets, revealing the distance that way instead of writing about it. I am presuming that they paid Amit to use the toilets, right? I wasn’t quite sure what you meant by ‘…you could feel the heat on your face like it was part of your own skin.’ Also do have a look at the sentence beginning ‘He had grown up near the coastline.’ It may have run overlong a bit. I hope we get to read of Rinki, and Amit again, far from this place. Well done and best regards. Seyi

      • Thank you, Seyi. And it did occur to me to use more dialogue after I read it again. Will keep your suggestions in mind.

    • Hi Zainab, a well written story, depicting the awful life lead in the slums of Mumbai. It definitely makes me feel more blessed for where I live and all the opportunities we have in Australia. Even with Covid it is still so much better than the squalor and poverty of these poor people. And the awful Uncle, he reminds me a bit of Fagan – in Oliver. Making them work for him and cook and clean for him and service him (ewwww). Poor girls.
      I truly hope that Rinki and Amit can escape and find some happiness together.
      Well done and thanks for sharing.

    • Great work. I was transported to the heat and stink and despair of the place. I did not read the prior work, but it really wasn’t necessary. I think this stands well on it’s own, but does beg for a larger work. The writing style comments I have would be to eliminate etc (maybe it’s just a pet peeve of mine), your list is long enough as it is. Also maybe rethink the use of “per se”. Would it be something your MC would really think to say?

  • With all that is happening in the world right now, nothing surprises me anymore. I have steeled myself to anything the world throws at me. That being said, I loved the work you have done here. Great writing, great portrayal of characters. It did confuse me in parts but as a whole, I was amazed. Well done!

  • Thank you so much for your detailed comment. I actually hadn’t figured out that particular detail but will try to do so in the next one, as I plan to make this a series. Thanks again.

  • Thank you very much. I wrote this while in a half sleepy state so yes, the lines could have been better. Will try to improve it next time. And yes she is a very famous Bollywood actress.

  • Thank you so much Seyi

  • Thank you for taking the time to read

  • Zainab and Profile picture of BryanBryan are now friends 3 months, 1 week ago

  • Thank you so much

  • Thank you so much for your detailed comment.

  • Maybe You’re Worth It by Zainab M. M.
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    Rinki was awoken by the incessant snoring of her fat uncle, as she was every night. She turned over and tried to sleep, but it eluded her. With a sigh, she pushed herself up […]

    • Hi, Zainab. I like the way your story ends, because it solidifies the way the story begins – a promise with a promise even if the promises could never be fulfilled. Not quite the Slumdog Millionaire ending but I have never liked the boy-gets-girl endings (or love stories for that matter – what tosh they are). Your story strikes a chord when you’ve read Sonia Faleiro’s and Katherine Boo’s marvelous non-fiction work on the Bombay slums (I refuse to call Bombay Mumbai to please the gluttonous and vile Hindu rightwing fascists). What I liked about your story also Rinki understanding, more or less, the inevitability of her lot, if you like, and in the brutal dog-eat-dog world of teeming India with all of its false promise of “modernity” that she stole from her lecherous swine of an uncle to yet keep her elusive dream alive. That’s the sort of “contradiction” that could be worked into a larger piece of work in so-called 21st century India. You have a large canvas now. Cheerio.

    • Addendum: Explore the tensions between ambition and self-preservation. You have at least started to set the backdrop.

    • Zainab, I thoroughly enjoyed your short story. You made me feel such emotion in a short span of time and that isn’t easy to do for a writer. Your story had a gritty realism that I would love to see explored, I feel that you have a very strong character here waiting to be explored.

    • Thank you so much

    • Oh wow, this is such a beautifully written story. You have captured a multitude of emotions in this short piece and at the same time created a character we can all root for. Very well done. I love this sad and heartfelt piece. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    • Hey Zainab, really well done with this short tale. I felt as if I was looking through a window, and watching Mumbai roll by, through Rinki’s eyes. You bring the reader really strongly into her world view and it’s easy to sympathize with her predicament. She reminds me a lot of the main character, Balram in Aravind Adiga’s “The White Tiger.” He also said ‘No More’ and pushed back. Hard. Al the best and regards, Seyi

    • This is beautifully written sad tale. You managed to convey so much in a few words and we get such a clear picture of the hardships the MC is facing. Lets hope the glimmer of light in the end comes true!

    • Clever with the ‘Maybelline’ connection. I liked this story – it ticked the boxes of MC needs something, MC is prevented, ending with MC having a plan to succeed – which means the story ended on hope. You can’t ask more than that in a short story.
      There may have been a couple of ‘clunky’ phrases that may flow better with an edit but then again, I may be confusing ‘clunky’ with your individual style of writing (so don’t let me or anyone else change the way your heart tells you to write!). Though the phrase ‘adorned in a white dress and red lipstick’ kind of needs a little tweak – as it sounds as if she is ‘adorned’ in red lipstick too!
      I’m guessing that Aishwarya is an actress or model well known in Bollywood? I’m not really familiar with actors from that genre.
      Excellent title and use of prompt by the way.

    • Thank you very much. I wrote this while in a half sleepy state so yes, the lines could have been better. Will try to improve it next time. And yes she is a very famous Bollywood actress.

    • Hi Zainab,
      That was a beautifully written story. You kept it very realistic in terms of how a 19-year-old plans-they don’t have a lot of world experience and control, but she knows that things need to change and she is using Aishwarya Rai’s poster as her inspiration. So it read as quite authentic Also the empty promises of fame and fortune in Bollywood from a trusting family to an uncle sounds like a horrifying situation which I am sure is played out quite often. You did a great job with the sensory aspect of a bustling city with this line, “the street lights flickering over the main roads, overrun by a constant stream of honking cars. It was the middle of the night, but the streets of Mumbai were filled with cacophony and smoke from the night kitchens. It never slept. ”
      I tried to figure out how she got away with siphoning off money-with a greedy uncle ( I know you didn’t mean that type of greed, but still he’s a despicable person), how did she get away with it?
      Very though-provoking and emotional because of the restraint you used in its telling. Great story.

    • Thank you so much for your detailed comment. I actually hadn’t figured out that particular detail but will try to do so in the next one, as I plan to make this a series. Thanks again.

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Zainab

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