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  • Ohhh and Masin’s Folly is the name of the homestead. InNew England, an extravagant house, a money pit, that becomes known as its builder’s or owner’s folly.

  • Oh dear, thank you, Patrick. What a difficult novel this would be, but certainly it would take a novel to sort this story out.
    I’m so glad you liked those images. And yes, the italic text is the story she’s writing and the regular type the narrative. That split might make the story easier to find/tell.
    You have me now talking myself into it. T…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Michael. I fixed – I think – that sentence though it’s still awkward. This is a story I have been wrestling with a while that actually started with ‘The wrong one died.’ A friend of our daughter’s brother died young and Andy knew that his parents felt that way which set the wheels in motion though they quickly headed down their own road.…[Read more]

  • Mama Tried by nsbnina

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    The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;

    -WH Auden

     

    “The wrong one died.” The minute Irene said those words and saw Sula sitting on the steps like she always did now, she k […]

    • Small fix needed here – “Irene was pretty sure saying she wished been the one to die”.

      I thought that the working through of the grief was excellently done.

      I am thoroughly confused by the last line! Did she kill herself? Did she leave Sula behind or take her with her?

      Thanks for sharing.

      • Thanks, Michael. I fixed – I think – that sentence though it’s still awkward. This is a story I have been wrestling with a while that actually started with ‘The wrong one died.’ A friend of our daughter’s brother died young and Andy knew that his parents felt that way which set the wheels in motion though they quickly headed down their own road.
        I wondered if the end would be confusing, but kind of like that. There are other pieces wanting to be sorted out so, with any luck and lots of perseverance, it will be clear when Sula takes over the narrative since Irene has driven off.
        thanks for the read and your comments. Much appreciated.

    • Nina, your beautifully written narratives always make me envious. I love how you are able to infuse your moments with emotional power, how you adept you are describing the environment and the history of your characters.
      This was a touching story about a Mother dealing with her grief, loss and regret.
      If you feel it needs work – go for it but, IMHO this was a wonderful start.
      Really well done, my Friend.

    • Hi Nina, I felt dizzy as the story turned right and the left, and the back and around – it’s a good thing! All the twists and turns were wonderfully filled with conflicting emotions only grief and loss can create. And in the midst of it all, you weaved in imagery, which made this sad tale rich and beautiful.

      I’m certainly looking forward to reading more. Astrid

  • Yikes. I feel for this mother with such a son. A fun story. I love the ‘can I at least say goodbye’ line. Nice tone of tongue in cheek though those with such high intellect are often behind in their emotional development. I bet you had fun writing this.

  • Hi Linda
    I have to agree with Peggy about having the MC do the research before calling the realtor. That would add to the mystery, what with the realtor having disappeared. Fabulous twist at the cliffhanger end.

  • Sounds like a Covid dream. I love the MC saying you can’t belong here rather than don’t. You did great with the horror in both imagery and your MC’s clear and terrified reactions. I totally saw this band of ragged children emerging from the sinkhole hearth. I think you might be onto a new genre. Congrats.
    Maybe shorten some of the sentences to in…[Read more]

  • A nice read, Marilyn, although I agree with others I would have liked to see more of the two spies at the start, especially at the beginning where it would have worked well to show them as mismatched. Two years seems a long time given there concerns at the start of the story, but certainly you built the tension well. I suppose it was intentional…[Read more]

  • Ooops. Paul.

  • Thanks so much, Oaul. Nice to see you here!

  • Belatedly…thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

  • Thanks, Peggy, nice to see you here.

  • Those are great goals. Daily writing is crucial and the more you write, the more the images flow. Silencing the critic can be hard – whether it’s your mother or a literary critic, but it’s important to give yourself permission to write without value judgements.
    You’re on a solid path. See you next Wednesday!

  • Thanks…and I yours.

  • Sod It by nsbnina

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    Some days Sam’s like to kill her with his reasonings and his exceptings. Old Man Meyers says Sam’s one of the lucky ones, but Sula had to take exception to that.

    “How can you call him lucky […]

  • I liked the cliffhanger ending as is. It seems a fitting end – to not know – to this story. The short sentences gave a choppy cadence that also was effective with your MC’s confusion and drunkenness. You could, of course, go on with this, but I liked not knowing.

  • Nice twist at the end. I didn’t see that coming and I’m not sure if I like her more for her not being the victim or less for her duplicity. I’m thinking more though since you made her such a sympathetic character.

  • Yikes. What a clashing of worlds within a culture. An arranged marriage? How will this intelligent independent and like able woman stay with this seemingly worm of a man and his manipulative mother? I was thoroughly engaged though worried that staying in thus marriage coukd only turn her bad.

  • Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this story, which is really the story of being now forever shut out of the story for this woman whose family tragedies occurred when she was five years old and were never again discussed. It is her story and she, like the reader, has few clues.

  • Mason’s Folly by nsbnina

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    The sun slipped behind the mountain, taking all warmth with it, leaving her alone and cold in the small room, the birthing room, the death room, the room that now had no purpose. […]

    • hi NSB Nina
      A very interesting story. A woman whose childhood and adult life has been marred by inexplicable tragedy and she struggles to make sense of it. She’s suspicious of who killed her brother and how her father died. I’m not sure if you gave us any clues to follow. I know that they drove from somewhere N of VT and ended up in FL. Perhaps because her father died in a one-car accident, her mother had something to do with it?
      Anyway, the pace and the narrative flow is really good, but I’m not sure that I picked up on the story enough. You’ve got an intriguing set up.

    • Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this story, which is really the story of being now forever shut out of the story for this woman whose family tragedies occurred when she was five years old and were never again discussed. It is her story and she, like the reader, has few clues.

    • Hi Nina,

      At 5 years old, your MC must have been frightened and saddened at the death of her younger brother.
      As you say above, she does not have answers and may unknowingly be on a quest to find answers.

      I am left wondering if her brother’s death was murder (which is premeditated) or perhaps an act of vandalism.
      I.e. local thugs throwing rocks at the odd or different family and they remain oblivious of the consequences.

      I look forward to reading more about Mason.

      Thank you for sharing an enthralling read.

      Keep writing.

      Cheers,
      Paul

    • Thanks so much, Oaul. Nice to see you here!

    • Hi Nsbnina,
      This is a good start to a BIG story. Perhaps too much for a small 500-word story. There’s so much going on.
      I liked some of the description very much: “Icicles and paperwhites and sometimes there were promises”;”The room filled with broken glass and women wailing”. Both very evocative and moving.
      The way I read it, I understood the italic text to be what Cecily was writing and the rest of the text narrative and backstory. Hope this was correct. There’s just so much going on in your backstory. Overwhelming.
      I did not understand what Mason’s Folly refers to. The death of the child? The family leaving? The father’s suicide? Or even the name of the homestead?
      This could be the start of a novel. A big challenging work! The reference to the mother loading “everything worth keeping, including Gramma Nellie” could be a chapter itself.
      Good work.
      Cheers,
      Patrick

      • Oh dear, thank you, Patrick. What a difficult novel this would be, but certainly it would take a novel to sort this story out.
        I’m so glad you liked those images. And yes, the italic text is the story she’s writing and the regular type the narrative. That split might make the story easier to find/tell.
        You have me now talking myself into it. Thank you for your encouragement.

        • Ohhh and Masin’s Folly is the name of the homestead. InNew England, an extravagant house, a money pit, that becomes known as its builder’s or owner’s folly.

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