• yes, absolutely. Clarissa would say I remember everything. thanks for that. I am glad you aren’t worried about Amy. It’s fun for me how off hand she is with Alden so it’s nice hearing it works for you.

  • Take the money, Kate. No one will think the less of you 😎 I was holding my breath, afraid he’d get her swooning. Glad you kept her honest. I love Momo and, of course, Captain Pierre. Wonderful description of poor Tamara and the tabbouleh, both luscious.

  • Thanks, Preston. yes, that moment between Amy and Clarissa will live forever. I wasn’t sure about the random girl but she came along for the ride and who was I to stop her? I hadn’t planned on going into what’s happening to Michael, over the edge after his parents’ died, not sure it matters to Clarissa’s story. I do that, too, play things over and…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Julie, for the kind words. Glad the scenes work for you. Yes, these relatives do look at Alden’s house as their own to stay at, how the rich stay rich? I’m glad letting Amy cry worked for you, hoping to show Clarissa making those hard decisions in Amy’s – and her – best interests. Poor Michael really is being a dick 🙂

  • Thanks Ben. I’m happy you enjoyed these scenes. Testing Clarissa’s mettle for sure. She’s in the whitewater rapids now.

  • yeah, you’re right. he does give in too fast and sure let’s blame it on word count 🙂 I’ll have the young girl stumble out of the car forcing him into his cool macho dude persona and see if that works. thanks for that. I hadn’t thought of it, but I think Clarissa does have sway over him, I think he, like Alden, sees her as different although I…[Read more]

  • Clarissa stopped at the overlook, halfway between parking lot and beach, in the midst of the dunes where the grasses were thickest. The day smelled of fresh rain, seaweed and salt water. The asphalt, slick in […]

    • Woah this is a tough scene Nina! It’s well crafted. You lured me in with characteristically descriptive scene setting: I felt myself on the beach. The dead whale was an ominous symbol of what was to come… I was shocked when Michael pitched up drunk with a random girl, but Clarissa’s reaction told me not to be surprised. This was Michael. I’d have played the scene over and over in my head if I was Clarissa – conjuring up warmer memories that contradict his current behaviour, but that’s me…

      Then when he comes back, he’s even more belligerent, and you had Amy run out and Clarissa stopped her! Heartbreaking! That’s a moment that will haunt their relationship.

    • Nina this was some scene – Clarrisa has gathered her strength and is fighting them all off and back. What a dick Micheal is and I am so pleased she stood up to him (easier when he was drunk) and is willing to keep doing so. The beached whale told me, along with the autumn weather that things will get colder and tougher. Who are these awful people that feel they can just drop into people’s lives for a few days without wondering if its convenient for them? As Preston commented the section where Amy runs out after her father is heartbeaking and Clarrisa’s decision to let her cry it out is a one of those ‘cruel to be kind’ moments in life. Fantastic story, a storm gathering, and superb prose.

      • Thanks, Julie, for the kind words. Glad the scenes work for you. Yes, these relatives do look at Alden’s house as their own to stay at, how the rich stay rich? I’m glad letting Amy cry worked for you, hoping to show Clarissa making those hard decisions in Amy’s – and her – best interests. Poor Michael really is being a dick 🙂

    • Hi Nina, wow, you brilliantly cranked up the tension in these three scenes. I loved the brooding atmospheric feel of the first part where your gorgeous descriptions of the landscape mirror so well Clarissa’s aloneness and state of mind. The confrontation with a drunk Michael in the second part was also so well done, down to his young escort, that it made me truly ache for Clarissa and the third, just wow! The foreboding in ‘someone being outside’, Amy being scared, it all led to a wonderfully ominous build-up and the heart-wrench for Clarissa of Michael telling her he loves her whilst still being up to his old tricks and threatening her, but also how she tried to protect Amy only to have her turn on her, this is awesome, Nina, honestly!

      • Thanks Ben. I’m happy you enjoyed these scenes. Testing Clarissa’s mettle for sure. She’s in the whitewater rapids now.

    • Great scene, that Michael is something else.
      You started it well too, the day being so cold and unfriendly. Kind of foreboding his return. Or at least that’s how I read it.
      The first time he showed up drunk, it felt authentic with her chasing him away, especially considering the girlfriend. I’m not sure how much sway Clarissa has over him – seems like a lot.
      The money is a problem for sure. I didn’t expect Michael to just give up so easily, is there something that prevents him from becoming very insistent. I felt that he just gave in too fast (word count). 😉 If there’s a good reason, then it could be clearer. Hope I’m making some sense.
      Really sad, poor Amy, no ways she can understand why Clarissa won’t let her interact with her garbage father.
      What a situation.
      Nice work!

      • yeah, you’re right. he does give in too fast and sure let’s blame it on word count 🙂 I’ll have the young girl stumble out of the car forcing him into his cool macho dude persona and see if that works. thanks for that. I hadn’t thought of it, but I think Clarissa does have sway over him, I think he, like Alden, sees her as different although I think Michael sees her more as a person than Alden does. yeah Amy is at the point I guess where the world, as in her dad, is about to break her heart.

    • Thanks, Preston. yes, that moment between Amy and Clarissa will live forever. I wasn’t sure about the random girl but she came along for the ride and who was I to stop her? I hadn’t planned on going into what’s happening to Michael, over the edge after his parents’ died, not sure it matters to Clarissa’s story. I do that, too, play things over and over wondering how it could have been different. Somehow, I don’t think Clarissa does that. I think she remembers everything but I don’t think she mines it.

    • Hi Nina – what more can I say that hasn’t been said, the beach scene was absolutely as breathtaking as the wind, and I felt the chill in Clarissa’s bones. I love how off hand she is with Alden – so many hearts are going to be broken in your story, I fear.,although I don’t worry for Amy. She is at that age when kids can say I hate you and come right back from it and she and her mother have a very solid relationship. When Clarissa says, ‘Yes Michael I remember when’I would have liked her to say, ‘I remember all the whens’ or ‘I remember everything’ – they have so much history and not much of it good, by the sounds of things – this is defintely not the first time she has seen him in this state. So lots of family drama all round coming up, Alden and his and Clarissa and hers…

      • yes, absolutely. Clarissa would say I remember everything. thanks for that. I am glad you aren’t worried about Amy. It’s fun for me how off hand she is with Alden so it’s nice hearing it works for you.

    • Hi Nina,
      I felt sorry for Clarissa. The opening walk on the beach which was wet, cold and windy was done so beautifully (and was the setting for my last vacation on the beach last week!!)-You always paint such a beautiful picture with your words. Yes, I felt the beached whale was an ominous foreshadowing. Michael showing up drunk with some young girl was such a great illustration of who he is and a great explanation of why Clarissa has no respect for him. She’s excellent at keeping things to herself as well, so I wonder whether Michael believes her when she says she doesn’t know where the money is.
      When your dialogue sped up, I got a little confused with the tags. You may want to look at that in your next draft. For example, here, “She came up close to him close enough for a kiss and waited until his eyes focused on hers.” I wasn’t sure who did that, Clarissa who obviously utters the next line of the girl who drove him.
      You handled the scene with Amy being disappointed by her mother’s behavior and screaming “I hate you,” very well==it completed several things at once, the conflict, the weight on Clarissa, the consequences of Michael’s actions that he doesn’t know about. Very economical writing.
      I was intrigued by Clarissa’s plan for Alden after his arrival, ” Time enough, she thought to do what she had to.” I don’t think we know what that plan is but I want to know. I guess I will have to wait for the next scene.

  • I thought he would fake taking the pills. What a nightmare. I too wonder how Etienne having a notebook will change things. Great energy in this scene.

  • I liked this bio of the sisters, giving more insight into their family dynamics and especially into how Rachel sees herself. Ending it the way you did was quite powerful, I thought, and added dimension and context. It’s a difficult task you’ve undertaken, but I I have no doubt you will fit the pieces together. ♥️

  • this was a great scene. so much new info without feeling dumped on. I like this guy, so saucy. What can I say? I’m a rare breed. he has panache. lots of fuel for the intrigue.

  • It took me a bit to realize Ethan didn’t know, which maybe makes it more powerful when he finds out what the incident was. It was the grinning did me in. And I realized the parallel action. Smooth writing with all the commotion and logistics.

  • I knew you wouldn’t keep us on Cloud Nine long. Great scenes. I like the way Maria tells Roman about Elouna and his reaction was spot on. What a beautiful letter that was. I wonder if you can tweak it some to have it slightly less articulate when he translates it? The landlady was fun, I could just see her talking about the Irish girls. You’ve got…[Read more]

  • Hot stuff, that’s hard to do, but you did it well. You have uphill work with me to get Matt forgiven though. Nice scene, not an ounce of fat on it. and good job upping the intrigue and moving the story.

  • Whoa. Fran stepped in it this time, from bad to worse. Brilliant using the buffet as backdrop for the awkward conversation with Guy and what a good friend he is. Couple of small things. you have mail for email in the first paragraph and you want wife not wide in the Brigette Mahoney paragraph. Should be fun seeing how you fix this one. 🙂

  • Wonderful description of the setting at the opening, but what if you opened with the samba playing and worked your first sentence into it somehow? I like Luisa, in a Magda sort of way, and you must be having fun with her. I did think her mother might have been devastated by her sister’s death….broken up seems too casual. And I wondered if…[Read more]

  • Thanks. Clarissa is the protagonist of the novel I’m rewriting under the auspices of the 52 Scenes in 52 Weeks challenge, so I took advantage of this assignment to explore some more. I’m pleased you enjoyed it.

  • Oh, I’m so glad. And sorry you had thus experience, but also: Good for You.

  • Thank you so much for your lovely comments.you read the story as I hoped it might be felt.

  • Hi, Seyi. I cut the last phrase off the first sentence. Hope that does the trick. Thanks for your encouraging words. It’s a harsh story and maybe the start of a longer piece, but I’ll think about sending it out. Hope life is treating you and yours well. Cheers, Nina

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Nina

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