• Funny how the bits I worry the most about – is it crap? – sometimes resonate the most. Having fun now. Bloody silly indeed.

  • Yes,the original version of the last bit was told from Wilder’s point of view in the dailies. And yeah, I wonder what Michael did,too 😉. Welcome back!

  • Hi Deryn, I’m delighted to read your last line. It’s tricky now we’re in the home stretch. I’m glad to see your reaction to the end of their marriage. So much easier if you can hate the person you’re/who’s leaving. Thanks.

  • Thanks, Ben, I’ll add setting when the car stops. My intention had been the beach, but maybe on the road at the edge of a cranberry bog would be more appropriate. Thanks for mentioning it, now I’m excited to add a bog to the mix. How fortunate to have such encouraging and astute readers.

  • Now you’ve done it. Brilliant. All sorts of possibilities here. I’m happy you have that wonderful irreverence back between them. I agree with Adam on making the most of this scene – and all of it, not just Ethan/Madison – but I’m grinning here. Thank you!

  • Thanks, Sudha. I hadn’t thought if that – with the take me back – I’ll add “We’re done here.” To clarify. Glad you liked the sea glass image. They’re in the throes if it now. Thanks as always for the helpful feedback.

  • Hi Julie
    Yeah,the market scene…poor Clarissa. I had to add insult to injury. I’ll try and tweak that line about death to make sure it’s clear that it’s Clarissa mourning the death of her love for Michael. Poor them all this week. Thanks 😊

  • Hey Michael, yeah Angus heard you were asking after him 🙂 I’m glad you feel for Michael since he’s been at his worst throughout though he’s not a terrible person.I added a small bit earlier (not seen here) on to soften him up for the reader. Thanks for the lovely feedback. We’re in tricky waters now.

  • Hi David,
    Thanks for the feedback. The jury’s out on whether or not Linda knew Clarissa was the girl house sitting. There was a scene way back when Clarissa had Alden come out to see the stars from the back of his truck. He made a clumsy pass, she rebuffed him quietly, Amy’s light came on and that was that.
    The market was on impulse. Don’t worry…[Read more]

  • Ouch, that last line. Poor Bridget. Just the right amount of tension,I thought, betweenBrudget and her mother, who’s no pushover. I’m thinking Georgina has more money coming in than a store would bring her.looking forward to seeing a bit of Cork. And hoping Roman is okay.

  • Good for Terrance. Nice job laying the foundation for the next round of snot en trane 😎 between Duncan and Brigitte and poor Guy, seems like there will be plenty to go around.

  • Good move switching Tamara’s whereabouts. I didn’t think too much about her sunning on deck last week, but it had struck me off. Live the description of her bikini. Now of course I have to wonder if she is really pregnant. Good job building the tension between her and Matt without letting us in on the argument. And the underwater setting com…[Read more]

  • “I don’t understand.” Alden stood at the doorway, blocking her way out of the kitchen and to the front door. “I thought…you said you needed money and here,” he held up the check that had been left on the counter […]

    • Hi, Nina-
      “Townie tramp,” eh? Well, we never know how other people see us.
      I was puzzled about this part: “She wiped her mouth thinking of that sloppy kiss in the bed of the truck.” I don’t remember her kissing anyone in a truck but Tim, & that was on the tailgate, as I recall. Is this something we haven’t seen yet, or did I just miss it?
      This paragraph: “Death doesn’t come all at once with a fabulous bang of recognition, but in tiny bits, each disappointment building on the last, until even the brightest hope has lost its sheen. She wasn’t ready to face Alden yet. She got in the car and drove towards town, gripping the steering wheel, biting her lip, willing herself not to cry.” is beautifully written. I’m not sure where it comes from, though.
      And what happened to picking up Amy? Is she going back to the house without her?
      She must have proved to Alden, at least, that she was not a gold digger. At least, not anymore. 🙂
      Good stuff.

    • Hi David,
      Thanks for the feedback. The jury’s out on whether or not Linda knew Clarissa was the girl house sitting. There was a scene way back when Clarissa had Alden come out to see the stars from the back of his truck. He made a clumsy pass, she rebuffed him quietly, Amy’s light came on and that was that.
      The market was on impulse. Don’t worry, she won’t forget Amy. Word count. I’ll Amy to people she can’t face yet to clarify. Thanks for picking up on that.
      I’m glad you liked the it you quoted. She loved Michael. She’s taking it hard.

    • Plenty going on here, I see Angus is around. LOL. That bit with Alden was great, played very well by both characters. Felt real, I see early in the scene you hinted at what might be expected for more money – if that was Alden’s plan (but it’s not really). Then at the end tied it up nicely. I do feel for Alden. Seems like a decent bloke – perhaps if he looked and carried himself like Angus… Oh well.
      Also love that bit that David pointed out – great piece of writing.
      I also kind of feel for Michael too, but he’d had his chance. Great scene this week – memorable. 🙂

      • Hey Michael, yeah Angus heard you were asking after him 🙂 I’m glad you feel for Michael since he’s been at his worst throughout though he’s not a terrible person.I added a small bit earlier (not seen here) on to soften him up for the reader. Thanks for the lovely feedback. We’re in tricky waters now.

    • Hi Nina, a gut wrenching set of scenes for sure displaying all the ambiguity of emotional entanglements when they go south…Clarissa loved Michael but he’s a selfish bastard…Michael loves Clarissa but not more than his taste for adventure and a life without responsibilities…Alden has deep feelings for Clarissa but is affronted that she can refuse his money -the arrogance of the rich who think it solves everything. The line about the way disappointments creep up on us like time was beautiful, I see David’s point but as long as its clearly Clarissa reflecting and not an external narrator its wonderful. And the final blow – Clarissa finding she’s the subject of malicious town gossip…fabulous.

      • Hi Julie
        Yeah,the market scene…poor Clarissa. I had to add insult to injury. I’ll try and tweak that line about death to make sure it’s clear that it’s Clarissa mourning the death of her love for Michael. Poor them all this week. Thanks 😊

    • HI Nina,
      Really wonderful scene. It’s good for Alden to learn that he can’t just buy what he wants with his money. He does seem like the kind of person who wouldn’t expect any special favors for the money, but Clarissa is right to question whether he would.
      The part with Michael was very sad. He’s not able to commit and they both know it. I got a little confused with the line “Take me back.” spoken by Clarissa. I thought she meant in her relationship with Michael and I was very puzzled. On re-reading it, I see you meant back to her car. You may want to clarify that, I was confused for a bit.
      This particular line was beautiful: “been married into a world of promises, broken so long they held their own beauty, like sea glass.” The oxymoron of the beauty of broken promises that change with time–I really liked it a lot.
      Great scene!

      • Thanks, Sudha. I hadn’t thought if that – with the take me back – I’ll add “We’re done here.” To clarify. Glad you liked the sea glass image. They’re in the throes if it now. Thanks as always for the helpful feedback.

    • Hi Nina, once again I loved all the parts of this scene. The reflections on Alden’s entitlement and expectations, the conversation with the gardener and the consequences of Emyline’s death for Clarissa’s job and the chance encounter with Linda, all seem to lead Clarissa to make a decision as to whether she is going to/can stay at the house. And the part with Michael was just heart-breaking, all the more poignant for how understated and realistic it was, no bangs, just pain – beautifully done.
      I have one tiny comment. I got a little confused with the car location as they exchanged the money and the conversation. I’m assuming he’d stopped the car at a junction on the way to the beach but wasn’t sure. It’s completely minor and could just be me but thought I’d mention it in case it helps.
      You write so beautifully and capture people’s complexities so well, I just love your story xx

      • Thanks, Ben, I’ll add setting when the car stops. My intention had been the beach, but maybe on the road at the edge of a cranberry bog would be more appropriate. Thanks for mentioning it, now I’m excited to add a bog to the mix. How fortunate to have such encouraging and astute readers.

    • Hi Nina I can’t add much more to the other comments except to echo them re the beauty of your writing. Alden comes across as clueless and awkward – the reminder of the sloppy kiss enforces that he really isn’t an adept seducer…just his money has seduced – until Clarissa came along. The end of the marriage is just so poignant – it’s so hard when you don’t hate someone but have to walk away…and of course town gossip vs town trampie… v interesting…All of a sudden I’m not so sure who deserves what!!

      • Hi Deryn, I’m delighted to read your last line. It’s tricky now we’re in the home stretch. I’m glad to see your reaction to the end of their marriage. So much easier if you can hate the person you’re/who’s leaving. Thanks.

    • “Death doesn’t come all at once with a fabulous bang of recognition, but in tiny bits, each disappointment building on the last, until even the brightest hope has lost its sheen. ” – this line is epic. Love the gossip and townie tramp bit. It sure will make things harder for her. And Bloody Michael. Silly man. Good stuff, Nina.

      • Funny how the bits I worry the most about – is it crap? – sometimes resonate the most. Having fun now. Bloody silly indeed.

  • I’m so glad I stumbled on part eight and went back to read the rest. You definitely have a best seller here.

  • Great job building the tension and the intrigue.

  • Moving right along.

  • Great cliffhanger. On to part four.

  • Good, that will be fun for you.

  • Having read part 8 first,it seems this may be longer than a short story? If so, you might consider adding dialogue to make the action more immediate. Great twist at the end, paving the way for your next scenes.

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Nina

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@nsbnina

Active 4 hours, 43 minutes ago
Short Story : 8
Poetry : 7
WTC : 12
52 Scenes : 37
Dialogue : 30
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