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  • I’m glad you enjoyed it, Kali. I feel like I’m getting a stronger sense of Corlwyn’s personality and still finding my way with Violette. Honestly, trying to write dialogue for them is really helping me get to know them. Thanks also for the suggestion about the adverbs. I can get a little heavy-handed with my descriptions.

  • You can definitely edit an existing post. Go to your profile, select 52 SCENES, find the EDIT button next to your post.

    I really enjoyed the style of this scene. It reminded me of Poe or Lovecraft, probably even Bronte and Alcott, though it’s been awhile since I’ve read either.

    I love SO MUCH about this. Grace’s memories were so vivid that I…[Read more]

  • Cities of Chance (Scene 2) by Michael Corvo

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    It took only a moment for Violette to get her bearings. She knew Yulm’s tilting back alleys far better than its broad roads, bright squares, and painted markets. C […]

    • Hi Michael, great scene, you have a knack of describing the small details that really solidify it in my minds eye. The characters goal is now clearly set, their alliance easy, what could possibly go wrong? Hehe, I think it is set up perfectly for a colourful and interesting adventure, one I am excited to follow. I loved the word ensorcelled, I had a vague idea what it meant by the context but I did look it up as I had never heard of it before and I am so glad I did!

    • Great scene, Michael! I am following your scenes and like the banter you have between Violette and Corlwyn. You’ve set things up really well in these scene to build off of it and you have two really strong characters to lead the story. I am interested the see where the story goes and to keep following your scenes. My only suggestion is to note your use of adverbs and make sure they are necessary. This line threw me off a bit, because the descriptions did seem to match up: “pierced by wanly-lit windows.”. To me, pierced seems to imply a bright light. Maybe just another read through to make sure all your descriptors work would be good, but otherwise you do a great job with painting the scene. Well done! I can’t wait until next week!

      • I’m glad you enjoyed it, Kali. I feel like I’m getting a stronger sense of Corlwyn’s personality and still finding my way with Violette. Honestly, trying to write dialogue for them is really helping me get to know them. Thanks also for the suggestion about the adverbs. I can get a little heavy-handed with my descriptions.

        • I can do the same with descriptions and can get a bit carried away. One writing class I had challenged us to write a short story with not a single adverb, which was one of the most difficult writing assignments I ever had, but it did make me super aware of using descriptive words (adverbs and adjectives) and to use them with specific intention.
          It is interesting you say that you are still finding your way with Violette. She seems like the strong character to me, and quite sure of herself on the page 🙂 Whatever you are doing with the dialogue between them, keep it up!

    • Hi Michael, I enjoyed reading this week’s scene. You did a good job with the dialog, and I think I know who these two are (or as well as you can know two people after meeting them briefly for the first time!). I am looking forward to this fantasy-mystery of a story – I know it’s going to be a great adventure. Your story reminds me of the way I felt when I read the Three Musketeers. Looking forward to next week!

  • Ah, a magical encounter in the forest. I love it and can’t wait to see where you’re going with this.

    I’m going to echo the comments posted here regarding the switch of POV from mother to daughter and making the dialogue feel more natural. In terms of dialogue, reading it out loud is super helpful.

    I feel like the backstory in the beginning…[Read more]

  • Ooo! Urban fantasy. Right up my alley. I like the world you’re building here, bringing ancient magic into the modern world. Something about this reminds me of the Marla Mason series though I’ve only read one short story in the setting. A few comments:

    Does Luca actually refer to his men as the Misogynist army? That’s not usually a name used out…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Kali. I was afraid I didn’t have enough action in this opening scene to make the reader give a hoot even though I was definitely TRYING to make them (you) intrigued enough to keep reading.

  • Thanks, Aisling (very cool name BTW). I’m glad the language worked for you. I love archaisms and “fantasy speak,” but I also don’t want to lose my audience. Are you a fantasy reader in general? It’s always nice to know if I’m getting feedback from my “target” audience.

  • Thanks, Joel. I was hoping to find that balance between having the reader be intrigued by not entirely knowing what was going on without leaving them utterly bewildered. Sounds like I don’t quite know if I pulled it off or not. I’m glad you felt that it ultimately came together in a satisfying way and that it makes you want to keep reading. Thanks again!

  • Thanks for the feedback, Sharon. We fantasy readers love to geek out on archaic and “period” language. I’ll have to review and see if it feels like too much, though, and eventually see what beta fantasy readers think. Thanks again!

  • Thanks for the feedback, Maria. Super helpful. I was struggling with how much to communicate how Violette and Corlwyn are connected in this first scene. Essentially, they boh work for the same master thief (Ulrik) who is trying to trick them into doing each other in. Why? We don’t know yet. As I continue with this story, I will probably revisit…[Read more]

  • Cities of Chance (Scene 1) by Michael Corvo#Violette recognized the duelist the moment he entered the tavern. He wore finely-cut breeks, boots, gloves, and coat, all in russets and browns and fastened with one too […]

    • Nice and pacey, lots of lovely detail and the language chosen really fits the story, I can see the tavern easily in my minds eye. I can tell that wherever this story goes it is going to keep my on my toes and have lots of clever detail. Really enjoyed it, looking forward to the next instalment.

      • Thanks, Aisling (very cool name BTW). I’m glad the language worked for you. I love archaisms and “fantasy speak,” but I also don’t want to lose my audience. Are you a fantasy reader in general? It’s always nice to know if I’m getting feedback from my “target” audience.

        • Hi Michael, thank you! I do enjoy some fantasy but maybe it’s the historical context that drew me in, I love 18th century novels and this adds a sense of fun and intrigue into the mix. You have my interest piqued, so I will be looking forward to reading every other scene.

    • i really enjoyed reading this. for a moment i was confused about Ulrik being in the two characters’ POVs, but then the twist towards the end made everything click — nicely done! the build up of the tension was great and pulled me into the scene right from the start. looking forward to what happens next!

      • Thanks, Joel. I was hoping to find that balance between having the reader be intrigued by not entirely knowing what was going on without leaving them utterly bewildered. Sounds like I don’t quite know if I pulled it off or not. I’m glad you felt that it ultimately came together in a satisfying way and that it makes you want to keep reading. Thanks again!

    • Thanks for an interesting first scene. I like your details of the location. I realize you are writing with the time period in mind, but I found myself skipping parts because of the vocabulary (breeks, doublet, guildmaster, mage) This story will take a reader with a unique knowledge of the time period. It was easier to follow when you introduced the dialogue. Prior to the characters speaking, I found it very detailed. Thanks for sharing your story.

      • Thanks for the feedback, Sharon. We fantasy readers love to geek out on archaic and “period” language. I’ll have to review and see if it feels like too much, though, and eventually see what beta fantasy readers think. Thanks again!

    • The sentence below needs some restructuring. Eyes always come in pairs. You don’t have to tell your reader that. You could tighten up the sentence, making it swifter for your readers. Also, amethysts is a light green, you may want to change that your description.

       His gaze was met by a pair of dark eyes that gleamed like amethysts in the warm glow of the tavern lanterns. 

      Example:

      Mocha eyes shimmering in the warm glow of the tavern’s lanterns captured his gaze.

      This idea is great. I read faster and faster to get to the sweet spot. That’s when you know as a writer you have done your job.

      My only complaint is your readers may wonder what is going on. It’s not clear what the actual problem is that brought these two together. I went back to understand the purpose of the Violette the assassin vs  Colwyn the Duler. Money is owed somewhere, but it’s not clear, why.

      I do think you’re off to a brilliant start. It appears it’s going to be an interesting piece.

      Best of luck!

      • Thanks for the feedback, Maria. Super helpful. I was struggling with how much to communicate how Violette and Corlwyn are connected in this first scene. Essentially, they boh work for the same master thief (Ulrik) who is trying to trick them into doing each other in. Why? We don’t know yet. As I continue with this story, I will probably revisit this first scene to try and make it clearer.

        You mentioned the “sweet spot.” I’m wondering if you found it here, and if so, where. Finally, it terms of Violette’s eyes, I was meaning the purple amethyst gemstone which can be dark.

        Thanks again!

    • Great pacing and excellent job creating a scene that gabs the reader’s attention. I like the reveal that they are both working for the same man and the little bits of humor in the dialogue, especially at the end. I am not sure I have any other suggestions, beyond what a few other commenters have said. Great work!

      • Thanks, Kali. I was afraid I didn’t have enough action in this opening scene to make the reader give a hoot even though I was definitely TRYING to make them (you) intrigued enough to keep reading.

  • This was a quietly powerful story as I watched Sophie struggle to tread water in a life that was slowly drowning her. So many good details. The type of shows Daniel watched, her nightly routine, etc. I especially loved the details of her morning routine all designed to not wake Daniel up. Although she mused on how the distance between them had…[Read more]

  • I love how you always take us on a whirlwind ride through both your MC’s outer and inner landscapes. I almost feel like I AM your MC. Your descriptions are so lush and sensual, not just making me experience the natural world, but something more radiant moving BENEATH it all… if that makes sense. I’m always a bit dizzy after I read one of your…[Read more]

  • Thanks, Sue! I would love to have had many more words to work with here. I would like to have developed Tenn out more, showing her struggles with adapting to Earth, referencing a life behind her where she never felt at home, her desperate hope to find it on Earth, and eventually doing so. Thanks for reading.

  • Thanks, Kim! I DO fall in love with my settings and jargon which I know is a big no-no when you’re writing anything fantastical. I would like to have paused more to explain some pieces of tech in a word or two, but, alas, word count. I’m also glad you caught the Attenborough reference. I was hoping someone would. Thanks for reading.

  • Thanks, Sparky! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I was originally going to have Tenn feel very frustrated and lost because she was having so much trouble “going native” and finally gave up. Fortunately, she showed me that she wanted to have a very different experience. BTW, “Sparky_sparkles” is hands down the best username I’ve seen here so far. 🙂

  • Thanks, Jennifer! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I tried not to get too carried away with the “technobabble” but maybe I did spend a little too much time with it all. I guess what I was trying to do was show the contrast between Tenn’s highly technological and digitally connected reality to the “native” experience of Earth. Thanks again for reading.

  • Homeworld by Michael Corvo

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    Tenn switched off her feed the moment the liner dropped into realspace. She had seen the planet in immersions countless times, but she wanted to see it with her own eyes, uncluttered […]

    • This captures the prompt so well, definitely a sadness to it for me. Really good flow to the story, very enjoyable read. Well done Michael, thank you for sharing.

      • Thanks, Sparky! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I was originally going to have Tenn feel very frustrated and lost because she was having so much trouble “going native” and finally gave up. Fortunately, she showed me that she wanted to have a very different experience. BTW, “Sparky_sparkles” is hands down the best username I’ve seen here so far. 🙂

    • You captured the excitement and hesitation of Tenn’s arrival on Earth exactly. I love the description of Tenn lying naked on the ground. Very visceral image.

      My only comment is that was a lot of time spent with the various technologies necessary. I don’t think it was vital to the storyline. You might want to pull back a bit on that part.

      This feels like a great opening scene to a full length book.

      Great job.

      • Thanks, Jennifer! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I tried not to get too carried away with the “technobabble” but maybe I did spend a little too much time with it all. I guess what I was trying to do was show the contrast between Tenn’s highly technological and digitally connected reality to the “native” experience of Earth. Thanks again for reading.

    • You did a great job in capturing what it might feel like to someone from another system, both emotionally and physically. All too often the protagonists just step out some vehicle or another and plunge into life here – not so here. Your descriptions of Tenn’s experience made me feel breathless! A gripping read!

      • Thanks, Sue! I would love to have had many more words to work with here. I would like to have developed Tenn out more, showing her struggles with adapting to Earth, referencing a life behind her where she never felt at home, her desperate hope to find it on Earth, and eventually doing so. Thanks for reading.

    • Kim replied 1 month ago

      You have such a flair for workd building. This was an enjoyable ‘new’ experience for me-to witness Earth thru your MC’s perspective.

      Got a teeny lost in the jargon ,perhaps build up to it until the reader is fully conversant in this world.
      Loved the reference to Attenborough , very fitting in context❤

      • Thanks, Kim! I DO fall in love with my settings and jargon which I know is a big no-no when you’re writing anything fantastical. I would like to have paused more to explain some pieces of tech in a word or two, but, alas, word count. I’m also glad you caught the Attenborough reference. I was hoping someone would. Thanks for reading.

    • Hey Michael and how goes it? I echo Kim’s comments, your world-building is brilliant. I actually liked the ‘tech-speak,’ it all seemed to work with the context in which you introduced it. I also like the way you slipped in the idea of ‘Imperials’ as different and let us know Tenn is a ‘Federation’ scientist. I am really hopeful you will expand on this storyline, my mind is buzzing with the infinite possibilities for Tenn et al. Well done, all the best and regards, Seyi

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Michael Corvo

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