Oh my, the heat is really turning up. You’ve dropped a lot of hints at dark secrets in Sarah’s past that I didn’t pick up before. Very curious now.
I loved her conversations with the fetus, and especially the “I belong to you” – it is so telling, as an intergenerational conversation in a story bout climate change and collapse. And likely Sarah…[Read more]

I just googled “tasting wine” once for a short story about a wine shop owner. There were some pretty informative things on the internet…

Hi Elizabeth
I see you’re taking strain at work. Hope things will soon fall into a manageable routine again.
So, if Amanda has a weakness for wine, and its red, you’re going to want to put some sort of a wine rack in her kitchen. Or if she’s on the more sophisticated end, one of those wine cooler fridge-like things with temperature control for…[Read more]

Oh my, you’ve got me completely hooked. I’m reading with bated breath…
There’s nothing I can offer that will make this any better than it already is, just to say I think you’ve got a winner here.

Hi Kim. There’s a lot I love about this poem, plus its accompanying visual. The repeated words are the best ever – they are what creates the urgency. Wonderful!
There are a few suggestions too, if you’ll allow me:
* losing the “…” and the word “ecological” in the second line – for the sake of the rhythm. – it doesn’t need to be said…[Read more]

Ha! Snap! I think we’re all feeling the slog, Deryn. Wondering how to reconcile the new life that has emerged with the old one that doesn’t want to let go.

Jeepers… This is so intense. In a way I’m glad I fell behind because now I can head straight over to the next instalment.
This is well written, Elizabeth. Your whole story up to now has been heading towards this point.

Hi Debbie! You managed to reflect the turning, turning motion of the turntable very well in your word choice and rhythms. I liked that. Two lines intrigued me. There must be a deeply personal message or experience behind them, and I’m curious: “Desperate clawing for change / Yields more gouged score marks / From the dark sunk depression” and…[Read more]

Brilliant, just brilliant. The rhythm, the words, the magical way in which you string them together. Very very strong.

I love when you do deep POV – you’re good with expressing emotion. And how you link their dreams and fears and hopes to the stars and the planets and the moon, attributing even deeper meaning to everything. Through that, you’re also forecasting what will happen for them, and I’m afraid things don’t bode well for poor Robert. He’s kind of fallen…[Read more]

Jan, this scene is rich in clues and backward-forward references, which tie together a lot of the clues you’ve already strewn out for us to find. I can already see this book coming together in V2.
And need I say this? I am so pleased that you’re rethinking Grizelda’s fate. I can just ditto the advice of Anne. If you do want to give Grizelda a…[Read more]

Hi Christa,
Things are coming together nicely. I wonder whether all the processing about Reed might not work well if woven into the section where Faya digs the grave. Because the rhythmic movements of the digging just lend itself so well to all that think-work, and it kinda ties in with the resolution she has to make about Reed.
I’m really glad…[Read more]

Beautiful imagery, Nina. One day you must please tell me how to decide where to break off the lines in free verse. My instinct would be to make the lines longer, e.g. “moon escapes its shroud of clouds” I’d have made one line. But I know next to nothing about the theory behind free verse.

This fits very well into the de-growth mindset that is being touted in distinguished circles: the idea that what we have should be enough, that there is no need for more; no need for “development” or “growth”.
And how ingrained the idea of possessing / having is in our nature.
A lot of food for thought in here. Well done, Susanne!

After #38, it was only going to be natural for Faya to want retribution and revenge. This was also a sad scene – the burial confirmed that Holt is firmly out of the story. It feels right, like it was the right thing to do, because Faya was in his shadow all the time. But it still is very sad!

Oh no! What a shock! And all these mysteries being handed over to Faya as Holt leaves her behind to cross over… This is already well set up, Christa. In the rewrite it is going to dazzle…

Thank you, Amrita. I have no idea where this came from or where it is going. Your notes are great, and I’ll be sure to heed them if this does become something more . Gosh, I found myself second-guessing everything – like the breed of the horse, even. It’s really difficult to know what you can include and what would not be believable. Thank you f…[Read more]

Thank you, Amrita. I have no idea where this came from or where it is going. Your notes are great, and I’ll be sure to heed them if this does become something more . Gosh, I found myself second-guessing everything – like the breed of the horse, even. It’s really difficult to know what you can include and what would not be believable. Thank you for…[Read more]