This took my breath away
one of your best pieces Hanri .

the daughters comment ‘ are you allergic to yourself’ – so profound it made my heart stutter.

I think one has to have visited the Owl House to understand the surreal-ness of it – like some alien ship that forgot to beam up the last of their citizens ( that’s about the closest I can come to describing those statues with their marble eyes ) – and I so relate to the oppressiveness of the house, even after all these years ,the frenetic desperation clinging to the walls and floors.
you captured it perfectly.

but more than that – I enjoyed your counter-thread of your MC’s internal monologue , trying to understand how it is she feels so ‘other’ in her own birthplace. Sensitively portrayed, vulnerable. just beautiful.

two minor points :
not necessary to say ‘to ease the itch’ – all your action shows that clearly.
I took on my shoes again – I put on my shoes

Thank you for this journey through the soul – I found it mesmerizing 💗

I agree with everything Kim said. I loved this piece and it tore at me. Beautiful. And the writing is so clean and very piercing.

Hi HM,
That was a really interesting tale! I like the creepiness that you build little by little. Your protagonist seems like she’s hiding something. I couldn’t quite figure out but it seems that she has some repressed or unpleasant memories of the place she has gone on a trip. I also wonder if she’s human? I don’t know if I am correct or not, but is this a part of a larger series? A very intriguing read! Thank you for sharing!

I don’t feel sorry for Peony, but she’s sort of pathetic here. You hinted subtly at a Daddy issue that Peony may be suffering from which may help to explain the attraction and desire to be with Michael, or at least with men who abandon her.
I am curious to hear about the recording. Although we got to see visually what happened, I’m curious how the incident would come across on a recording –and whether Peony’s or Michael’s words could be twisted one way or another.
I liked the interplay between Emma-Leigh’s eyes and her own. Perhaps a slight manifestation of her guilt?
Excellent scene–I’m hoping that Mona will listen to the recording, but I’m afraid that she will erase it if she goes back to her own apartment first!
Great tension as we wait to see what will happen here. It seems that we are gearing up for something that will topple Michael.

Hi Hanri,

I am a big fan of scenes that weave into one another like this where first we are in the court room and then we are with Alma and EL in the kitchen, watching the proceedings. There’s the power of writing to give an almost magic and really personal quality to these ‘circumferences’ that film fails to achieve (in my opinion).

I appreciate that here you are laying the table (and making the salad) while the main course is being prepared, and from what you have put out, I know it will be sumptuous and spectacular.

The descriptions of the room where Mike has his interview are really well done, to show a classic constrast with the modern, I really liked that. One observation – the example of the minister “because when you zol” (which is both hilarious and terrifying at the same time) is from last year so everyone would be masked and sitting far apart in this setting, non?

Then I like the change in EL – it is a natural change for me that people like her evolve into once they learn to manage their sensitivity. The quick wit, the interest and curiousity in things around her make complete sense. And her calming down seems to have had a positive impact on Alma as well. Not that I’m surprised that EL’s vibes would do that 😉

Well done on Nr 47! Can you believe it!

The juxtaposition makes for a very balanced scene:
a tense hearing vs. the mundane task of making dinner
Emma-Leigh and Alma’s previous struggles vs. a more peaceful mother-daughter relationship
beginning vs. end
Old Emma-Leigh vs. new Emma-Leigh
Old Alma vs. new Alma

The concurrent scenes work well here, and although Michael doesn’t know where to begin, the reader gets the start of a sense of closure and just a smidge of tension as we wait to see how the hearing goes.

Very well done.

Hi Hanri
I agree, the juxtaposition, sits well in this scene bringing together Michael’s life, his hopes and his vulnerabilities. But will he be vulnerable? We get to see some of his inner anxiety and this makes me, as a reader, very curious as to what he will say next given how his world has come undone (or nearly). I wondered about the shift in E-L and agree that is the nature of teenagers; acting 23 years old one minute and then 3 the next. But it did seem a bit strange that Alma was indifferent. Was she feigning that? Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

Hi Hanri,
Putting these scenes together is a great way to keep our interest. Michael is overwhelmed by guilt, maybe, and other conflicting feelings. Is it enough to throw away this opportunity? One that has been presented to him for a second time? You’ve raised the stakes here a lot and we’re on the edge of our chair waiting to see how his inner thoughts will sort as he faces this committee interview.
You’ve been writing some parts out of sequence, so I’m not sure what EL knows at the moment about her parents’ issues. Does she know about the affair with Peony? Does she have mixed feelings toward her father?
Very interesting to throw all of that conflict into this scene. You’ve got the threads of a really engaging scene.