Without A Whimper by Ana Diaz

It was the year 1971 when I met him, in a bar, deep within the haze of the night. They called him The Vulture, and like the bird his neck was thick, his feet were huge, and he entertained the habit of crashing bones. The press believed that he wanted to create a human rattle:...

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Amrita Sarkar
Member
1 month ago

Hi Ana,
I cannot tell you how relieved I am to be able to comment on your story! I read it two days ago but due to the ‘ad’ problem and also some issues with the comment box, I just wasn’t able to. I am thrilled now because I can finally tell you how engrossing your story was. Crime fiction is your forte, no one can take that away from you. But every time I think there isn’t anything else that can take me aback…you surprise me. This was such a dark study into the mind of a serial killer. It was a hard read, gross in parts…but there’s something about it that forces you to keep reading. This line made me hold my breath – “I imagined him surrounded by armchairs and pallets, clouds of dust over his head, his passion delighting in the fractures and the severing, his craft enthralled by the deformities and the avenue of possibilities… Was he an oligophrenic?” And thank you for that gift of a word (oligophrenic). This was classic you! Thank you for sharing!

Amrita Sarkar
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Ana

Thank a ton, Ana! More power to your pen! Keep the oil burning. Be safe. 🙂

Georgiana Nelsen
Member
1 month ago

Writing horror is something I think helps all writers. This one is superb Ana. There are so many questions about these characters, but we don’t really know…or want to know … the answers. Monsters come in all shapes. Love the interview format!

Your descriptions are so vivid! this one just jumped out: “A coarse beard crowned the ensemble, the upper lip hidden under the foliage, the lower one hanging open, crooked and garrulous, letting the beer foam spill as he spoke, as he went back to”

and amped up from there. woosh!

G

June Hunter
Member
1 month ago

Oh my goodness! This is an interesting style of writing. Almost like poetry. The stilted, backwards and forwards ‘dialogue’ is an excellent way of moving the story along. Well done and thank you for sharing.

Chantel
Member
1 month ago

Hi Ana
I truly think that this is some of your best work, especially in terms of style. It’s such a beautiful read, regardless of the subject matter. And the story itself is certainly a captivating one. Well done on this one xxx

Chantel
Member
1 month ago
Reply to  Ana

I truly think the experimentation worked for you. I felt exactly the same this month, struggling and sort of wanting to just leave it for the month. I’m not sorry I put something up though, but it took more from me than it should have and the effort didn’t produce something I’m happy with. I completely understand your space, but you’ve probably built it up worse than it is xxx