What am I Going to Tell My Mom by Maria Delaney

Never walk alone at night

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9 months ago

I still get a kick out of the warning after the fact… brilliant Maria, you do go out with a bang. Simply went along for the ride, enjoyed it to the hilt and grammar and such be darned… I shall leave that to others to sort… if any sorting needs doing.
It has been an absolute pleasure to meet you in your writing. Keep spilling much ink, I shall sneekily drop in now and again like the proverbial fly on the wall to listen in.
?❤️ xox

Angelique Pacheco
9 months ago

Lol! This was great! Great, natural, dialogue. So normal, but not. Really funny. I really enjoyed this. Well done.

R.L. Nel
9 months ago

I love this, Maria! A vampire named Carl… ha ha. Made me laugh out loud. The story flowed beautifully and, as Angelique said, the dialogue was so natural. You truly can write anything! Thank you so much for sharing!

Charles R.
9 months ago

Maria you gave me a story I could really sink my fangs into! Laugh out loud funny. Great dialogue. Story flowed really well. This is the second story I have read by you and I have enjoyed both immensely. You certainly have the gift of penning the Fantastic. Keep it up.

9 months ago

Ah Maria! I do so love your dark humor. I have to say, this story is my favorite of yours so far, I love the flippant witticism, the casual way she accepts the fact of her new existence, her fixation on the missing shoe. I think I snorted the water I was drinking when he said his name was Carl, and I certainly laughed out loud a time or two. Thanks for the smile you’ve imprinted upon my face! I hope we see you here next year!

9 months ago

This is TOO FUNNY, Maria. You had me grinning from start to finish. I love how you can take a scenario that’s been used so many times and look at it with fresh eyes. Your humour was spot-on with this one – just the right amount of shock-to-lol.

I thought this little quib was particularly funny – ‘you’re all a bunch of sociopathic bloodsucking junkies with serious attitude problems.’

I’m not a big fan of vampire stories, but this one I liked! 😀

I really enjoyed reading your work this year, Maria. You’re a super talented writer. I hope you have a happy festive season and that I’ll see you back here next year 🙂

9 months ago

Ahh Maria ??

I can only echo the other compliments!
you truly come into your best when your writing is irreverent, course like sandpaper to the a$$ , sarcastic, gritty – anything else is just ‘vanilla’

I am guessing Octavian is a woman? not sure , it could be a guy’s name also, I think?

your description of her making a mock-phone call was classic – I had to grin.
and I loved that skipping from their convo, to her being obsessed with finding her running shoe – that there is a real stroke of genius!

I hope you start compiling a book of these cheeky stories – why should you deprive the world of this humour!

I will chat soon – before New Year !!

Cheryl Rush Cowperthwait

A comical rendition of a vampire and his newly acquired prey! I thoroughly enjoyed the banter between the two. Thank you for a cheeky end of the year story!

Susan O'Neal
9 months ago

Hi Maria – I’m not sure whether this is a typical vampire story or the first episode of a promising new sitcom! The dialogue was hilarious and your descriptions graphic enough to make a reader shudder – especially that bit about something stuck in the teeth (eeeeuuw!) Like Peggy, I enjoyed the link of Ozzy’s worry about finding her shoe all through the piece which added a sense of ‘normal’ to a very surreal interchange – she seems more concerned about that than being transformed into a ‘puddle of yuck’. Great engaging read, loved it.

Amrita Sarkar
9 months ago

Hi Maria,
Another marvelous story by you, I did not expect anything else. I love the wit and sarcastic dialogue exchange between the old and newly created vampire. This could have made for a very good Halloween story. I really like how Octavian, even after becoming a vampire, is remeniscent and nostalgic about his earthly life. Especially, where he misses the fact that now he won’t get to taste his mom’s food. A very witty story! Thank you for sharing!

9 months ago


Very funny story! Loved that biting, (sorry), sarcasm. It takes talent to turn a horrific, murderous, assault into an irreverent comedy skit. I loved that Carl gets indignant about his name. That was funny. Also, the whole shoe search and then Carl is so pleased with himself for finding it. Brilliant.
Well done!

Hyle Bathurst
9 months ago

Hey Maria!

Fantastic end to the year! I love Ozzy’s sarcastic nature and the vampire’s snooty and brutish manner. These two are so unalike but work well together.
I was laughing through most of the story as well. “”ever-so-tender assault.””” This line had me giggling for a full minute.
Thanks for sharing! You should consider writing a book from one of your stories! I would be a first buyer.
Happy Holidays!

Christy Kunin
9 months ago

This was hi,arious! You hit the perfect balance between sarcasm and disdain. I love the title. Thanks for another great story and a great year. See you here next year.

Paul J P Slater
9 months ago

Hi Maria,

What an end to the year.
You delivered a real tongue in cheek, take on a vampire scenario without too many adverbs.
I loved how the MC kept her head while coming to terms with what had just happened to her.
As for the pursuit of the sneakers, that was all you. Brilliant.

Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.


9 months ago

Hi Maria, this was a very amusing story. I loved it, made me laugh. Definitely a new take on vampires:) I got the impression Ozzy was a male?? So was he?
Well done and thanks for sharing.

9 months ago

Hey again Maria. Too funny for words. The verbal interplay is really cool and ditto to the comments you have received regarding the obsessing about the lost sneaker. A ton of great turns of phrase and I particularly liked “He threw my shoe and almost knocked my zombie ass back into human status” although I wonder if it should not be “….my undead ass”? (Zombies being another sub species and all). Hope you have more scenarios for Ozzy and Carl . Maybe even look for a artist to collaborate with for a graphic novel series. I’d go for that. All the very best and wish you and yours an awesome Christmas. Regards, Seyi

Debbie Gravett
8 months ago

Fantastic Maria. Your writing is a lesson in the art and the humour flows perfectly.

I loved the distraction of looking for the shoe while discussing the new state of being.

So many great lines, this being one of my favourites:
He threw my shoe and almost knocked my zombie ass back into human status.

Well done and thanks for sharing all these amazing tales. I second Kim in compiling a book for others to enjoy what we have the pleasure of. Have an amazing festive season and we’ll see you in 2020.