Water by Kristine Nordquist

Marible woke to the sound of waves crashing onto the beach just outside. She wished she could wrap a pillow around her head and roll over, but with pillows lacking, she was stuck staring up at the grey stones of her ocean cave, listening to the wave’s crash. And crash. And crash some more.

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HoneyMustard
3 months ago

Oh my! I was pulled in right from the start. And I found myself rooting for this poor character Marible who was hated by apparently everyone else. There was a strangely enjoyable gruesomeness in that. All very good, very good indeed. Just the ending – that it was all just a dream, and that everyone actually liked her – that didn’t seem to fit so well with the rest of the story. Why would she have to process those taunts in her dreams if there is not even a hint of it in her “real” life? I’d have loved to see that animosity dealt with by Marible once she stood face to face with her taunters. Or did I get this completely wrong?
Your writing is really captivating and imaginative, Kristine. You’re setting the bar quite high for yourself, this being the first time and all. Well done!

Jes
Jes
3 months ago

Hi. Interesting use of the prompt. I liked how yor MC was remembering comments from Tom and family members. I like this sentence best: “They can’t wait to dance on your empty grave.” ” Such as cold hearted comment and it fueled your character fo keep going. The ending was an unexpected twist. It makes me wonder if all the comments were true or made up in her dream. Well done.

hanzo047
3 months ago

Oh wow – this was such a gripping story from beginning to end. I loved how it just throws you into the scene and you figure out, little by little, what seemingly happened to her. I felt so much sympathy for Marible. The little twist at the end was a great surprise too! Wonderful job and even more so because it’s your first time. Please keep writing!

Michael Corvo
2 months ago

Wow, what a twist! So she was never even on the island at all? She just fell overboard and “dreamt” the whole thing in her coma? Clever!

I had a little trouble getting a handle on Marible’s “real” personality, though. On the one hand, she seemed shallow and petty because of her obsession with her skin and admittance to spending all of her husband’s money on her vanity. That led me to believe that she really was a “horrible” person and the things she was imagining everyone in her life saying to her was true. But in the end, everyone seems genuinely emotional. Are they putting on a good show or was everything she was thinking in her coma just her own insecurities? Either way, her return to the “real world” changes everything.

Thanks for sharing this. Really enjoyed it.