The Spiders & the Fly by Zoltan Kosina

Clav, the young banana spider, was crawling down on his web when he noticed the approaching human. It wasn’t the first time the man had visited him and his mother.  They arrived in Mount Pleasant on that large cargo truck about a month ago. They saw the nice little shed of this man and immediately...

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Dionne
4 months ago

What a beautiful tale with a great message and fantastic use of the prompt.

Athina Antoniou
3 months ago

Hi, Zoltan, that was a lovely story, told from the perspective of two spiders. Just like people, the mother spider was so set in her ways that she couldn’t see how much better it was to move. It took the brains of her child to make her understand how much better it was to move, which she eventually did. Thank you for sharing.

JM Barrie
3 months ago

I enjoyed this well-imagined tale, Zoltan, it was a lot of fun to read. The age old battle of parent vs child told from spiders perspectives, is wonderful.

I found a little of your dialogue a bit formal/stilted, which interrupted the good flow and pace through your, generally, good dialogue. I would encourage you to eliminate those to take your writing to another level. Read your dialogue to yourself aloud, and take note of where your tongue trips up. I hope that helps!

Riham Gharib
3 months ago

Hello Zoltan

I enjoyed your story a lot. I don’t think I’m a big fan of spiders, but I found myself rooting for Clav and feeling for his mom. Truly glad he missed the broom, found success in the dark end of the room, and was happily reunited with his stubborn mama.

Fables and children’s stories stir up the oddest feelings in adults. Memories of hot cocoa and the warm voices of mothers, aunts, and uncles. Being squeezed between wide-eyed cousins, all of us living inside the unfolding adventures of tiny creatures, giants, and heroes. We should be telling the stories now.

Thanks for a lovely read .. and all the memories that came with it!

David
3 months ago

Ha! I never think about writing a story as an animal or bug! I love it. There was a great lesson here and I enjoyed that it wasn’t the expected mother teaching the child. The dialogue was good and the man with the broom was used in a very good way.

Renee Shurilla
3 months ago

Cute story, and I love the fable-type feel that it has. It makes me wonder what the man who lived there was thinking. Was it true that he didn’t like the spiders anymore because they weren’t catching flies?
It might be interesting to bring him back in to the story. Maybe he destroys mom’s web, vut leaves Clav’s alone.
All in all, good story though!