The Query by David Weimer

The Query by David Weimer # What rough beast, its hour come round at last, Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born? W.B. Yeats, The Second Coming This is what happens When you leave the asylum door open. Something dark and slippery slithers past. No moonlight to deceive our eyes, Only the lapping water. A sudden...

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Peggy
4 days ago

I love poetry that is subjective and open to interpretation. In the case of your poem, I love that it doesn’t specifically say whether the darkness slithered into or out of the asylum, and thus whether Me and You are inside or out as well! This is deep and ponderous and will stay with me for a while! Thanks for sharing!

Kim
Kim
4 days ago

this really has a mythical quality to it .

loved, love the beginning! the slippery beast /the asylum door – such powerful ,evocative imagery – you start out really strong then towards the end – IMHO you loose a little of the imaginativeness with the me/you/it remains ending – it kinda deflates, if you know what I mean?

still good ( but please reconsider your ending).

NetaQ
4 days ago

Hi David,

The imagery of this piece is quite evocative. The simple end, begs for answers to so many questions. The readers’ interpretation is nuanced; for the very thing that slithers could steal your soul. This is indeed special.

EsterS28
3 days ago

Great, intense poem! Poems that go beyond the standard rule and tell a story rather than obey rules are my favorite! I would for this to turn into a short story!

Deryn
3 days ago

Definitely one for the reader to mull over, but then there are no right or wrong answers in interpreting poetry.

lelfring
2 days ago

Dark. Good word choices, and the poem flows, takes you along with the lapping water. Nicely done.

Christian Donovan
1 day ago

A hint on getting spaces where you want them for posting a poem – insert a full stop on the blank line and put it on the right hand margin. That way no-one can see it and it forces the space. Jane told me that when I was moaning about losing my verses and it works a treat.

Your poem is full of dark dreamlike images, e.g.: ‘The walls, spinning past, unwinding’ – superb. It brought to mind someone drowning in their nightmare. Certainly a poem which provokes a lot of thought.

HoneyMustard
1 day ago

Hi David, I read this several times. Your imagery really do have a mesmerising quality to it. I was intrigued by your choice of the word “asylum” and wondered what you had in mind when you created those lines. I read this piece as the birth of a question to which one doesn’t really want to know the answer, but once it is out there – once it has been asked, it demands a resolution. Am I on the right track?