The Gargoyle Princess by SJ Cramer Scene 51

  • : Fantasy
  • : Ignore grammar.
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4 months ago

This was a good fight scene. I agree with Riana bout the subtle emotional ties you use to keep the characters connected to each other, such a nice touch!
“Moll rolled off of him and calmly looked over at Reva, licking his blood from her lips.” This part to me when she is licking his lips seems out of place and almost sensual.
“Could Moll be relieved that her sister had survived Moll’s latest attempt at her life?” – Is it known that she tries to kill her sister often?
Overall lovely scene and I cannot wait to see how it ends! Great job!

Riana N
4 months ago

Hi SJ, I thought this was a great scene, action filled but still so heartfelt. I really like the little subtle emotional ties between the characters, for example the way Augustine search the sky for Afra in the manner which Lorraine searched for Phillipe. It keeps the reader emotionally invested!
The part where Afra reacted to the humiliation with anger and letting the gargoyle take over was great! Perhaps you can here for a last time throw in an internal thought from Afra about getting justice for being trapped as a gargoyle for so many many years (but that is just a suggestion, perhaps you want her to have moved past her bitterness by now).
I don’t know what Moll can respond to Reva’s comment when she arrives, but I’m guessing it will be something sarcastic and mean. 😀
This is a great second-last scene, well done!