The fairy’s curse II by Ivana_S98

It’s been a long time since Freya Evans returned to Vercast, the town of fairies and elves. She accepted the fate of the sacrifice for love and pleaded for forgiveness of her husband, Daniel.
But Freya’s been tortured with dreams of the secret room Daniel had in the basement. She knew that might be her only chance to break free from the curse, but Daniel always kept the room locked with a specially designed key which he always wore around his neck.
Even though she was afraid to try anything, this morning when Freya woke up, she knew it’s going to be different. Because she made a plan.
But even if she escapes today, where would she go? Her family feels ashamed, and her sister’s a traitor.
Freya looked down on the key she stole last night. Although she paid the high price for it and had to sleep with Daniel in the same bed she smiled with the hope she’ll get out of there soon.
Freya patiently waited for Daniel to come home from the fairy council’s meeting so that she can proceed with the plan. When he appeared on the door, she welcomed him in and served the lunch.
Daniel started eating, but Freya didn’t take a single spoon of the mushroom soup. She just sat there and gazed in Daniel.
“Why aren’t you eating, my dear?” Daniel asked, finishing the soup. He smiled and reached for Freya’s hand over the table. “What is bothering you, now? Didn’t I do everything to make you happy?”
Freya cleared her throat and smiled, “Everything is alright, I just miss my family.” she replied.
Daniel yawned and rubbed his eyes, trying to stay awake. He stood up from the table and walked over to the sofa.
“Did you put something in that soup?” he asked, fighting the heaviness of the limbs.
Freya pulled out the key and walked down the door. She turned once again to look at sleepy Daniel, “Sleeping dust.” she replied.
Daniel tried to get up, but the comfort of the soft pillows and heaviness of his limbs made it impossible.
As soon as Freya was aware of the dust effectiveness, she ran down to the basement and found the door. She could hear the voice calling her to open the door as if there was a Pandora’s box. Freya put the key in the lock and with the simple click opened the door.
The room was small, and a golden pillar was standing in the middle. The scroll of paper levitated above it.
Freya reached for the scroll and opened it. The contract she signed last year was there.
“The curse can be broken now!” she thought as she ripped the paper into the tiny pieces while the white light has shone and her scars on the palms were vanishing out.
Freya was finally free. She opened the portal to Earth and stepped in.
“I’m coming, my love,” she whispered as the portal closed.
In the end, all we want is a little love to give and a little to receive.

  • : Romance

Comments

  1. OtterSilver

    Very nice imagery. I liked the lunch scene, and could easily see it fully. This might could use some more conflict, to make the stakes of why she has to leave. It is a bit unclear what she is going back to. Good job!

  2. Michael

    This was a good story, some nice imagery and you created a magical world that invites more telling. I think you should try and explain more in the opening about what’s going on. A tiny bit of why, where, who and how is missing. Not critical. There’s an error here (maybe), “Freya patiently waited for Daniel to come home from the fairly council meeting…” was this supposed to be fairy? 😉 Also here, “She just sat there and gazed in Daniel.” Might have been simpler to say She just sat there looking at Daniel / or looking at her spoon.
    Overall solid, but it just needs a little bit of polish and perhaps another read through. I always print out what I write and then read it again – I catch many small errors this way. They drive me crazy. I liked your story, and please bear in mind I’m no expert at this – just mentioning the things I noticed. Nice job!

    1. Ivana_S98 Post author

      Thank you Michael, I appreciate your feedback. I will keep in mind your advice and try my best to edit this part soon. I understand that this story might be unclear or confusing, but that’s is because this is second part of it the first part is in the previous prompt 😊

  3. Sophia Bonnie Wodin

    This is a sweet story and I am always pleased to find strong women.
    You leave out a few details that might make the story easier to follow, however. I wonder why Freya felt the urge to leave. Where would she go? Was there someone, something she was going to? What was wrong with where she was?

    In the end we find out that she is going back to ‘Earth’ presumably from Fairy. But what was wrong with her Fairy life? And what was it about the sacrs on her hands that were starting to fade.

    MORE! You have piqued my curiosity. I want more…..

    1. Ivana_S98 Post author

      Thank you very much, I’m glade you liked the story. Maybe, if you want to know past event that have led Freya to this moment, you could read the previous prompt ‘signature’ with the name ‘Fairy’ s curs’.

  4. cmschneider1418

    Enjoyed the imagery you had, some spots were a bit choppy for me. I got a little confused as to where she was and what/why she was trying to escape. But overall I really liked your storyline and the world created! Great job!

  5. Jan

    Dear Ivana,
    I am happy to read about Freya again and that she has managed to escape her husband’s clutches. Good for her and I hope her return to Earth will allow her to reunite with her lost love and live happily ever after.

    Constructive feedback – like some of the readers say above, the piece can do with a bit of tension e.g. have her worry that the sleeping dust might not work, or worry that she gave him too much and that it might kill him. Or that the key breaks in the door as she tries to open it.

    Thank you for your contribution and looking forward to reading you again!

  6. Doug Liberati

    This story had some great visual elements. I agree with some of the other comments, that the conflict or crisis Freya was having could have been more clearly defined. Things skipped along a very fast pace, partly because of the limited word space I am sure, but some things seemed disconnected, like her being scared to do anything, and then shifting to her already having already stolen the key. There also seemed to be some shifting of tenses, from past tense to present tense and back.
    That being said, this story flowed smoothly in its major points from beginning to end. And we got a look at a character and her relationships to the world and the person closest to her (whether she liked him or not). I would take the word limit off yourself and revisit this story, expand it, and see where it goes. Good job!

  7. Liron

    Hi Ivana,
    I really liked the story you wrote, and the world you brought into being. As the people said above there were a few things that could be fixed: Tension, conflict, or more explanation. But other than that the story was really good. I liked how your main character was able to overcome her husband to free herself from a terrible contract! Those Fey can be sneaky! Great job!

  8. Sharon Hancock

    I enjoyed your story, but because I didn’t know it was a sequel, I was a bit confused. Maybe next time alert the reader that this is a. I tinting story. I am writing a continuing story and am labeling the prompts as chapters. Overall, it was well written. Not sure about the fading scars, but that was probably covered in the previous story.

  9. Charles R.

    Ivana, I really enjoyed your story. Some beautiful imagery and it flowed nicely. Like others noted some story tension, an explanation of the “Curse” and who the MC was referring to when she said “My Love” in the end – would have helped me enjoy the story a little better. But all in all – really good.