The Chase by KB

It would have been peaceful if it didn’t feel like I were drowning.  The bubbles filtering up around me from the deep purple gel looked like a nebula and the viscous liquid made it feel like I was back in the womb.  It would have been beautiful if my lungs weren’t on fire. The panic would set-in in a few seconds. No matter how many times I fell through a threshold I could never convince my brain that we would be okay.  It was only forty-five seconds to a new world. Such a short time to be caught in between, but it was an eternity in the void.  An eternity in which I could dream about her in the moments that my mind wasn’t screaming.

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Charles R.
10 months ago

Hi KB I thought this story was terrific. Great imagery and humor. I liked the time traveler motif and would like to see you explore that more in another instalment. Maybe have the MC and Miri go back to the 19th century on earth. The whole Steam Punk thing would be a cool arena to incorporate to play in.

Hyle Bathurst
10 months ago

This needs to be a novel! This is something I would read. There is so much to explore when it comes to time traveling, so many directions things could go. I love the heavenly Mirabelle and her foul mouth.
Lovely job!

Seyi
10 months ago

Stunning…

K McLain
10 months ago

Excellent time-traveling vignette…the casualness with which you handled multiverse travel was fantastic. Also, nice to have the story wind up right back where it began–a cool trick for a dimension jumping story. I liked the arc you took your narrator on–the circularity of the trip made me want more story beyond the allotted 1200 words.

I enjoyed the dialogue, which felt authentic and realistic. One consideration: the profanity Mirabelle uses clearly establishes her as a gritty, unflinching traveler at the start of the story–and that works at the outset. But I would have loved for you to have rounded her characterization out more and given her personality some more depth. Tough to do in just 1200 words, but you did an excellent job on the story!

Peggy
10 months ago

I have to echo what others have said, the humor and the casual introduction to traveling and the travelers university was excellent – so much you can do with this premise and these characters! I loved the story; it was engaging and entertaining and very well written. Nice work!

SM Prasad
10 months ago

This was a fantastic story. You introduced your model of the universe quite deftly, I liked the idea of the folds of the motheaten cloth, it made the whole idea of jumping from time to time and planet so easily accessible. I agree with K McLain about Mirabelle having a little more depth in her conversation outside of just cursing at her but actually behaving quite kindly. I wanted to know more about Mirabelle as well, but I think that is your objective in this story, to get us to want to know more about her. Very well done with beautiful descriptions coupled with quite ordinary language is a great setup for humor: I especially liked this and I liked the opening very much. “She appeared to me like an angel might, dark hair flowing down her back and full skirts billowing through the grass. Her first words to me were like bells from on high.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” ”

That was funny.
I think this story was written very well and describes a world that you know and understand well. Thanks for posting!

Paul J P Slater
10 months ago

Hi KB,

Great idea for the prompt. Time travel has endless possibilities.
As has been suggested above, you can do more with this.
I wonder if you could find things that have been lost.
Great story.

Cheers,
Paul

Delrae Goodburn Lurie
10 months ago

Even though this isn’t a genre I’d ordinarily read, the characterisation of Mirabelle sucked me into this dimension immediately because of her gritty authenticity. I liked the contradictions between the two main characters. The humor and whimsy was great and it’s wonderful to see such liberal use of profanity. My soul has been redeemed. Well-done and goodluck!

Georgiana Nelsen
10 months ago

Nicely done! A critique partner of mine does similar stories and I enjoyed your interpretation. At first, i was jolted by the contrast in the main character’s lyrical voice and Mirabelle’s terse profanity, but it certainly makes the characters distinct! Good job…good luck!

Taryn Uhlmann
10 months ago

I love your writing style! This story drew me in completely and like everyone else, I thought you handled the multiple worlds effortlessly. Look forward to reading more of your work.