Silk 2 by Sue

Eighteen years ago she brought a scarf home with her...

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Member
14 days ago

Sue,
The description at the beginning of your story really drew me in. I wanted to know more about He. Including some flashbacks of moments in their time together during the middle and end segment of your story where you have your character visiting clairvoyants might work nicely to help us see how “deluded” the narrator was by this affair. I enjoyed reading this.

Member
1 month ago

This was a delightful read. Your descriptions are wonderful, and helped place me in the setting. I was feeling real sympathy for the husband, watching his wife pine away for another man she was unlikely ever to see again, and frustrated with the wife for the same reason. I love that you brought an Honest Light for her to have that breakthrough, allowing her to let go of the past and see the present for what it is. Well done with the prompt, and thanks for sharing your lovely writing.

1 month ago

Hi Sue,

You bring bland appliances to life in your story.

A few thoughts to consider.

Have a look at your adverb count. It’s a little high with repeats.

There is an abundance of “she”. If you change this story to deep POV, you might reduce the pronoun count.

A further re read might help you tighten up the dialogue and up the tension.

Thank you for sharing an enjoyable read.
Keep Writing.

Cheers,
Pal

Member
1 month ago

I so enjoyed this. The domestic space is so well captured, I could almost smell it. Without masses of description, I felt right there and that the writer was very present in the space too. I especially enjoyed the inherent wisdom of the piece. Lovely clear writing which flowed logically and meaningfully and which made it very easy to read. Thank you

Member
1 month ago

I loved the ordinariness of appliances and there huffs and puffs – an all too familiar thing during lockdown. You captured it to the T. And then the change in tune – kept me riveted. A story well told.

Member
1 month ago

Hi Sue,

This was a great continuation of the last installment. I loved the way you shone LIGHT into her silk-covered life. 😉

Thank you for sharing. 🙂

Member
1 month ago

Oh I enjoyed this. You crafted it nicely. And while I wasn’t surprised by the ending, I was pleased for her. Nice that you used the prompt itself as the triggering moment.

Member
1 month ago

Wow. I enjoyed reading the story. And I think you accomplished a lot by bringing growth to the character of your MC in a short story. The message was also conveyed easily to the reader.

Member
1 month ago

You created a very real story of regret and should haves we are all guilty of. I loved how you allowed Moyna to finally remove the rose tinted glasses and see the truth, some thing many never do. You described each scene to perfection form the domestic to the Zoom calls and then the final crash of reality.
The sentence ‘Sandra said, jolting her back to the present;’ needs to be reworked perhaps as it did not make sense in the context.
A wonderful piece, thank you.

Member
1 month ago

I thought this was a nice piece, especially the sound textures. I may now forever refer to the washing machine when it’s thundering about in its spin cycle as “that juddering washing machine”!