SIGN HERE by Valerie Ciolek

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Amrita Sarkar
1 year ago

Hi Valerie,
This was such an interesting work of fiction. I really enjoyed the verve and excitement you have poured into your characters. As I read of Tyler and Jerry’s adventure, it reminded me of my recent vacation. We too wanted to try paragliding. But the weather

Amrita Sarkar
1 year ago

Sorry, my finger accidentally fell on the Comment tab, so the earlier comment might appear incomplete. I think it’s a sign to stop rambling and get to the point. I loved the simplicity of your story. It has got this gush of energy to it, you can indeed feel the freedom that Tyler feels. I love the way you have spread out the visuals, it paints a vivid imagery before the readers. The ending wasn’t something I had we expected. You took me by surprise there. Really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!

Beth Stillman Blaha
1 year ago

I really liked where this went. I guessed he was dead but you made me unsure until the end, which I liked. You have some wordy spots in there, like “expected to fall rather rapidly” and “the sun hit the rocky cliffs which shone a coppery yellow.” Stronger and intentional word use can help with cutting out words. Very cool idea, thanks for sharing!!

maria delaney
1 year ago

Hi Valerie,
Your story had a smooth landing, (pun intended). I didn’t understand the death warrant. If it was God speaking to him, why would he need a warrant?
I looked up Death Warrant on the internet;

Death Warrant. An order from the executive, the governor of a state, or the president directing the warden of a prison or a sheriff or other appropriate officer to carry into execution a sentence of death; an order commanding that a named person be put to death in a specified manner at a specific time. Capital Punishment.

You never specified if he was a wanted criminal.

I enjoyed flying over the farm with Tyler. It made me wish I was there with him. Minus the crash landing of course. If you had to die, that is one helluva way to go!

Thanks for the great read,
Maria

Fizza Younis
1 year ago

This is such a nice piece of fiction. I enjoyed it a lot. It started well and you’ve drawn a beautiful picture of the whole situation. I loved that! The ending was unexpected and I enjoyed that too. Overall it’s a great story. the only thing I can suggest is to avoid repetition e.g. you mentioned ‘I wasn’t worried about losing sight of Jerry’ twice in the same paragraph. There might not be anything wrong with it technically but it does affect the readability of the story. Other than that it’s perfect. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

Delrae Goodburn Lurie

A very evocative story and an interesting take on the prompt. I assume you’ve done gliding yourself because you capture the experience so well. I valued your use of the Raven in the story and the dread it aroused. While I expected a bad ending, I’d hoped he would have managed to evade death and have the warrant voided. Well-done.