Scene 52 by Linda Sansalone

  • : Supernatural thriller
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Casey
4 months ago

Hey Linda,
This was a good scene, I agree with Riana that leaving the remains in a box that shook was a good way to leave it as a possible reopened haunting. This gave me Jumanji vibes! I agree that the part where they go to bury the box could be expanded, maybe a scene of its own really. I think the way you described them going there at night was equally creepy and I would not want to be there at all! Great scene, interested to see how you wrap things up!

Casey
4 months ago
Reply to  Casey

This is the ending! I wanted more! lol Sorry for being so needy! It has been fun reading your story Linda and seeing the terrifying adventure your sent these characters on! Best of luck in the rewrite!

Riana N
4 months ago

Hi Linda. Yay, Evermore is finally in the ground! Or at least, let’s hope so. I do like how you’ve left the door just the teeniest bit open for Evermore to perhaps be rediscovered at some point in the future, but at least Daniel seems to be rid of him now.
I liked the fire (sub)scene, and as it was quite momentous I thought you could perhaps make it a little bigger. It feels a bit short and quick – a wood fire take quite a long time to get started and burn down to mere ashes, and them watching Evermore burn to destruction (again) is their final victory!
The police tape was a nice touch, and I feel like it would be even more effective if you perhaps add just another detail or two about the burned ruins.
The digging scene could also perhaps just be stretched out a little bit to heighten the tension. Perhaps make them wonder whether the hole was deep enough, or something like that.
I like the conversation Daniel had with Alex about her intrigue with the supernatural. It felt like these two had a special bond throughout the entire story, and I like how she was the one to conclude the battle with Evermore with Daniel – and that on her birthday.
From all the stories I’ve been following, yours was the most fun one to read! Well done Linda, and hope to read some more if you are taking part in the rewrite! Congrats! 😉

Riana N
2 months ago
Reply to  Linda

Hi Linda, my apologies, I only saw this now!
You might have already teamed up, but if you are still looking for a partner I’d be happy to!