Scene 49 by Linda Sansalone

  • : Supernatural thriller
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Riana N
4 months ago

Hi Linda, this was quite a dramatic scene, as it should be! I liked all the descriptions, and the “battle” between Angela and Evermore was intense. The scene was perhaps a teeny bit rushed; for the “largeness” of what happens here you can perhaps drag it out a bit, as it is quite a momentous point in your plot.
I enjoyed the grand fire and Angela’s struggle with Evermore, but I have to admit that I don’t quite yet understand why Seamus had to die with the fire. He didn’t really seem to play any part here in the destruction of Evermore or seeing the fire through (or perhaps I’m misunderstanding something). As long as he had an integral part to play in Evermore’s destruction, it seemed noble for him to die, but now it just seemed a little pointless and harsh.
Curious to see how this will conclude! 😀

4 months ago

The big fight scene! I enjoyed your descriptions of how the room got colder as he was ascending the stairs. I felt that drawing out those descriptions for this scene increases its impact. If you could do that with more of the fight I feel that would add another level of intensity to this scene. It feels to me as if it could be two scenes, one were they fight and watch the house burn and the other were Angela is giving him the will information and he is going back to Kate. His inability to control his own movements confused me at first, till I remembered he was hypnotized! Just some thoughts! Overall this was an intense scene and you could feel the relief that it may really all be over!

5 months ago

Hi, Linda-
Thought I’d drop in again. Looks like I hit an important scene.
The paragraph where Daniel ascends the stairs seems a little long to me. I might break it up into two or even several paragraphs. I feel like readers feel dismay (perhaps too strong) when they see a paragraph like that. It is daunting. Shorter is probably better, all other things being equal.
I think the reader needs to feel the intense heat, see the flames, smell the smoke, etc. It feels a little sterile as is.
I’m worried that it seemed too easy. I hope Evermore did not find some way to escape the conflagration. I guess we’ll see soon. 🙂