Scene 47 by Adam Jeffrey

  • : Historical Fiction
  • : More out of order scenery - apols

Comments

  1. Ben Hunt

    Hi Adam, another wonderful scene. The interaction between the two women is so heart-warming. I think it’s completely in keeping with what we know of Catherine that she would take it upon herself to help and I’m so glad she did. Watching Charlotte come back to life after her long sleep was an absolute joy to read.
    Lucy’s father’s diary entry was equally wonderful but in a much sadder way. Poor man, he is in a terrible spot of existential bother, not surprisingly. And that last line is beautiful – a thought we all have but that you’ve expressed so well.
    As always this reads so much like a published novel to me that I really can’t think of any suggestions to offer. Just keep writing 🙂

    1. Adam Post author

      Thanks Bene – I’m glad you are riding comfortably with Catherine’s actions but I think it can be less abrupt and even stronger in the next draft. I do wonder if Charlotte’s resuscitation is a little too quick (but am running out of scenes) but enjoyed my snow-white moment haha! It must have been a really awful time for anyone in the force – kind of damned no matter which way you look…guess its stresses like these and moments when we are at our lowest where family becomes the place you need to lean in to. Thanks for reading to the (almost) finish. 🙂

  2. Michael

    Catherine went to fetch Charlotte, what was the reason for this – I’m sure you’ve mentioned this before. It’s a hell of a trip – looking for motivation personally.
    Might be an idea to search and replace one of these names. Got a touch confusing for a second for me – this is a me issue, however. Maybe Katherine would be better. 😉
    I like that she’s kind of coming alive again in the kitchen. How back to normal is she I wonder.
    This is a nice line, “If we could only retrace and rewrite our lives, what decisions would we make? Or would every road always lead to a muddied field.” Could even be the last line in the book.

    1. Adam Post author

      Re Catheriine’s motivation – I included a scene a few weeks back where Catherine’s experience going ‘undercover’ to report on the state of asylums in Melbourne (true story) and her love of and care for Lucy was the reason/catalyst for her acting. But you are totally right – it needs way more development in the next draft to make this clearer and more gradual in its build up (and to determine if it would have been possible) so it is less like a solution to a plot problem. Agree too on the names being too close. Just named one of my new chickens Amelia. Maybe that’s Lucy’s mum? Thanks for reading and for the really insightful comments.

      1. Michael

        I do remember now. I think if I had read it through as a book, not this weekly drop in I would have recalled that. Especially if it’s a thread in the story. LOL on the chicken.

  3. Martin

    Hi Adam

    I liked the flow of the first part of the scene. It has a warm, homely feel to it as the relationship between the two of them shows its kindliness. I apologise for not having followed your story, so the second part of the scene felt detached and I’m not sure where it fits in. That said, in itself, it has an ethereal quality to it which is appealing, in the ponderous labouring of his thoughts here too. It works very well.

    Nice work.

    Martin

    1. Adam Post author

      Hey Martin, Appreciate you dropping by at this late stage. Yep I tried introducing a diary with the main character’s father (who is a policeman so would have kept a work diary in the least) to help me get closer to the historical plot elements. That is what the dated element is, as his world has unravelled. Glad the earlier scene worked – it too is a little out of order but given you are “Just Visiting” pleased it stands up ok on its own. Cheers Adam